I know just about nothing about Romance. So when I started liking this one girl, I tried to get closer to her, but all that happened was we became close friends. I'm not sure how to go for the romance angle now that we're such good friends, and it's the age-old cliche of "I don't want to risk losing our friendship."
hmm......i'd say that it'll be hard for you to get in the romance angle of things cause she probably will only think of you as a friend. just stay as a friend for now and when the time comes or when you feel it's right then tell her your true feelings of her.
I say you need to do some crash impact right now.
Ie. FUKKEN GO FOR IT.
Also I haven't had a single successful relationship in my life, just fyi.
Well do you truely love her? I know you came to us for the advice... But here's the the real answer... And that is within you. Ask your self that. Is your love for her that strong that you'll take a risk for it. Also to hint her that you like her... Use the body language... Girls can understand the body language really well. Plus you can try to show her that you are in love with her by giving her some attentions and such. Well I hope it goes well. Good luck.
You are so afraid of losing her as a friend because you have romantic feelings for her too. You befriended her for the sake of your emotions and let me tell you this; getting amusing friendships is a fuckload of a lot easier than finding a good relationship.
Thanks for all the advice. I've been dropping hints left and right, and I think she's picking up on them. It's not like she's encouraging my advances, but she's not stopping or showing any signs of disliking them either, so I think that I might just going to go for it pretty soon. It's only a matter of finding a way to express my feelings without totally fucking up, which I know I'll do. I'll report how it goes.
dont be shy son, go for it, you got nothing to lose!
Fuck up, it's awesome! Never act according to fear, it's the only thing that will make you seem like a loser. Even if you're scared, people will think you rock if you're daring. Well unless you do something really retarded but I know you're not planning on doing that.
Ahhh! I failed! I hate myself! We went out together, not really as a 'date' though. I came close to confessing but didn't say anything. I just dropped more hints. Aghh, I feel like I missed my chance!
I won't give up though. I'll definitely confess by the end of the month! Fucking high school drama.
I've been through this before so listen when I say this, there is no friendship if she turns you down. You can't be friends with someone if they have shat all over your heart, regardless of what you fool yourself into believing. With that said, just tell her. If you like her more than a friend, you can't go on just being her friend, now can you? But if she says no, you just have to move on, otherwise you're just hurting yourself by still being friends with her and wanting her, but not being able to get her.
Thanks for the advice. Another part of this is, after the school year ends and I graduate, we'll be going our separate ways. I'm not sure if I want to get into such a relationship only to have it end so soon...but I also don't want to regret not taking the chance when I had it. So I'm definitely going to keep trying. The bad thing is I never feel like it's the right moment to confess, and I'm not sure what I should say either. Just blurting out, "I like you" seems tacky.
Hmm... I have a similar situation. I've been in love with that girl for 2 years, and I still don't have the courage to confess. I have about one month left until graduation, then it'll be 'game over'... and I love her to the point I'm constantly thinking about her, yet I'm still too scared to say anything; just thinking whether she likes me or not... I hate myself.
I know how you feel man. I've gone through a lot and I mean a lot of relations ship problems so I've experienced majority of it all and honestly I can tell you that If you miss this chance you'll hate yourself for a very long time to come. Don't be scared cause if it works out you'll feel like you've died and gone to heaven and even it it doesn't then at least you'll know that you tried. So be a man and tell her. You've got very little to lose and a whole lot to gain.
Yet, don't go to her and confess your feelings. From what I have read, telling the girl how much you like her will only things worse. Acting laid back seems to be the way.Just keep dropping her hints like you've done but make them less subtle each time, she will pick it up. If she doesnt want it she will probably show it.
Sometimes you have to go out on a limb because that's where all the fruit is. Right guys? ...right?
But seriously, regret is awful. Be honest with yourself and be sincere with her. The worst case scenario is that you get rejected but gain courage for your next go 'round.
OP here. I'm not sure what to do at all. The other day, I spent around 6 hours just talking with her. Though we talked quite a bit this whole time, we somehow never talked about anything very serious. I'm not sure how to get past that screen of bantering and speak on more serious topics. I feel that we need to start talking more seriously with each other before we can get anywhere at all, and definitely before I confess to her. The problem is that we're both pretty non-serious type people, and both pretty shy when it comes around to it. We spend most of our time together just laughing at different silly things. I'm happy like this, I hope she is too, but I still pine for more depth and I'm not sure how to get there when our conversations are always on such a jocular level. Any tips?
I think the only way to successfully bring up something like that is in a "romantic" locale, such as dinner or a movie (or both...)
If you're hanging around & talking, "being friends", then naturally, that's all that's going to happen... But if you go to a movie or dinner, talk can then become serious, as the very fact that you invited her specifically naturally implies seriousness, I think...
...which brings up another problem - how to ask her out.
NOTE: Just read the first paragraph if you want to save time.
Ahhh, I don't know what to think! I asked her (online, I'm too shy in real life) in a really roundabout way if it would be OK for me to like her. And she said no, she didn't think so. Then we moved on to other subjects. What does this mean? I don't know how to interpret it. I guess it's really my fault for asking such an ambiguous question. Once again it's not really discouraging or encouraging me. Fuck.
Oops! I worded that first paragraph completely wrong! I asked her if it would be useless for me to like her. And she said no, she didn't think so. Just to clear that up.
I would pay for everything beforehand, but don't argue if she wants to pay for anything... Naturally, that only causes feelings that you aren't letting her be kind as well...
I wouldn't go & give her flowers if it's not a "date" just yet... You can always ask, in some suave way later, "So, does this count as a first date??", and if it's yes, then say "I guess I should've brought some flowers, then; Oh, well, there's next time"...
Hello! what a nice discussion, finally again someone who gonna be active. And this time, a guy who already goes outside his basement, yeh!
ok, so you need get appointment for lunch or dinner first. No worry about mentioning date-word, it confuse topic. You gonna need trick to get it though, there need to be an excuse so that both of you can say, it not a date. You should think of one. FO wanna give one example: You could tell that you found a restaurant and that you'd like to try out the food there. BUT, going alone is a pain, so, [casually] you wondered if she'd be interested in trying that food too, one of these days. (when you ask, make sure not to be in a 'begging position.') Of course, it bloody transparent, but that no matter - the invitation is perfectly legitimate. Both of you can now say, when asked "yeah, we found we both wanted to try this food, but its so uncomfortable to eat alone, so we just went together."
Whenever I read a Frigid Onanoko post I imagine a fat, 40-year-old Neanderthal pounding away at her keyboard in her musty cave.
if you pick her up from her house, you could get away with bringing her some flowers. what i would do tho is pick a small bunch yourself from the local area (e.g. theres loads of daffodils blooming around my area atm so i would just pull some up) - just jokingly say when she greets you at the door something like "oh yeah and i stole these for you" and hand them over, not making a big deal out of them just laugh and move onto talking about something else
>>25, don't. Except for the keyboard part, it very far from truth.
Don't be afraid of losing friendship with her.... Just go for it and spend more times with her. Give out some hints... Then plan things out carefully... Well, try your best!!! Good luck!
Ah...the days pass and I get nowhere...
Pull the thumb, out of you..r...
I told her in the simplest way I could that I liked her, and she said she liked me too. I did it over chat. Yes, I know that I'm extremely ultra-lame for doing it that way. Yes, you can kill me now. Just be glad I didn't say 'lol' or anything like that. I was to shy to tell her in person, even though just today I had the perfect chance when we were walking together in the sunshine...
Shit..... I thought you were a smart guy... No wait I didn't, cowards are always morons lol!
biggest douchebag on earth
I suggest telling in person as well, because either way it works out better. If it's a yes, well that's great. if it's a no, well then she'll probably be more gentle, because she knows she'll have to watch your heart break into a small pile of dust in front of her. (That said, don't be a crybaby about it, girls hate that.) She's more likely to be willing to give you a chance if she's on the fence as well, because she would otherwise have to watch you crumble. And girls, well most of them, don't like to destroy people. (Most people don't like to destroy people, unless there's a good reason.)
Come on, OP.
I know you can do it. Hell, if you'll call her now, she would be all over you.
Well, I still didn't manage tell her in person. Fuck. I guess that's what the [failure] tag is for. My defense was that the mood wasn't right, so instead I just apologized for confessing to her online. She said she didn't mind, and the subject quickly changed.
Well, i will stop helping you. That about the restaurant is such an excuse to yourself, you are being quite the sad one.
what a gaydick. you fucking retard
>You will probably impress her just by gathering up the courage.
It would certainly impress me, this guy's unbelievably sad.
Yeah you're even closer now but in what regard I ask you? How do you want to be close to this girl, are you forgetting that? You CONFESSED, and now you're moving like nothing in particular happened, just because you're chicken shit. That will be ok for a while but not for long, you need to break your emotions out of that bullshit faqade of yours. JUST DO IT! Stop filtering out your feelings to act only as a friend or it will be the end of your chances for good.
>>42 is probably the most accurate post about my situation so far. Thanks for spelling out so clearly what should have been obvious to me in the first place. I'll try to stop whining and coming up with excuses from now on. I'm a bit inept at social life, but that's no excuse since it's my own fault for having been a recluse in the first place.
nigga you be trippin
This isn't nuclear research, everything doesn't have to be an exact science, it's not. Act on instinct, go out on a limb, don't be so careful. You know when you like someone, how everything they do is fucking awesome, brilliant and cool? It's like this here; if she likes you, it will be ok even if you think it was a total failure, you did it with good intentions and she will recognize that. If she doesn't like you, it will suck even if it was technically wounderbar, and your intentions won't matter for shit. Thats the science of love, it makes no sense because it's about feelings, not logic.
go for it..or you'll regret it
We went for a dinner and a movie on Friday (Blades of Glory.) It was a first date, kind of. (I've been to movies alone with her before I'd asked her out or confessed online.) We got there a bit late, but she didn't mind. The date was still very friendly; I need to get the balls up to hand-hold and all that crap. But at least she's very forgiving when I'm clumsy and stupid, which is very often. But she was very relaxed, and it seemed like she had a good time.
Just keep at it. No shame in becoming better friends with someone before feeling pressured into hand-holding and other such things.
Update 2 (even if you don't really care)
We've begun to hug and hold hands since about last week. Friday night we're going out for dinner as a second date.
Question: Are gifts (like flowers) expected, a bad idea, or in between for a second date?
Oh lawd just surprise her(and us)! The question here isn't what people do but what you do; she likes you, remember that.
Well, our second date was a failure. It rained and we got drenched, and so didn't spend long in the park. The restaurant we were going to go to was closed for Cinco De Mayo and we ended up just eating at Red Robin. But it was still great. It's such a wonderful feeling to be with someone who doesn't care how bad things are. I love her so much it hurts.
Sounds great, so I hope this isn't just some lonely persons fantasies; I hope this is really happening for you!
Heh, if it were my fantasy, I'd come up with something a lot better. We're going out again on Saturday. I really, really don't want to go off to college now...
Don't worry about it. I am in freshman year and there is a (really hot) girl who still is in a relationship with her high school boyfriend. You can still be close, and if you drift apart you shouldn't be afraid to try again with your greater experience.
you fool. you've struck gold. keep at it. going to college however, will test your relationship, especially if you guys will be far apart from each other. keep this in mind.
I feel like we're progressing a lot slower than we would be if I wasn't such a coward. We're very close, as always, but I always find myself wishing for more but too afraid to ask. Nonetheless, I am happy, and I like to think that she is too. Sometimes I worry that she has lost her regard for me, but such paranoia is unfailingly proved groundless by the next meeting...I am a creature driven by fear, always haunted by fear of rejection and failure; nearly all of my other problems stem from fear, including being an annoying asshole that whines about himself on the internet.
Obviously you do care about what people think, thats why you're still acting out of fear. You need to let it go. If you keep on being a coward you will lose her and everything else, if you take a chance you might lose something, but you may also win, and you will grow as a person.
go for a boob grab! might be your last chance!!
I do not care about what other people think, but I do care about what she thinks. Right now she's the most important person to me, and I don't want to do anything she doesn't like. So yes, my fear is of displeasing her, though not anyone else. Thanks for the advice; I'll keep on fighting!
I hope for your sake it works out. I know the feeling of unrequited love for a friend all to well.. It's good that you got at least to dating. Most times it doesn't get so far. You're lucky.
Don't be afraid to move to the next step. That's gotten me dumped quite a few times. Just know that if you stay afraid than dreams of what could have been will haunt you.
I love her so much that it hurts. Should I tell her?
Yes, I think she should know that.
Yes, if she doesn't then how can you move forward? Plus if she doesn't how can you live with your feelings hanging over your head?
I suppose it's time for another report. She knows I love her now, but it hasn't changed much. We're moving so slowly that it's driving me crazy. I didn't think my love could get much stronger, but as the days pass I only find myself more attached. And yet we still haven't even kissed, and we're still hardly physically (or even mentally) close at all. If I was playing it safe before, she's playing it even safer now. She's always been a shy person, so I can understand that it's difficult for her to open up (this is probably the first time anybody has ever gotten even this close to her, so I can feel special because of that.)
Not that I'm one for relationships, but I do know a lot about making women like you in the right way.
The honest to God truth is, women draw their conclusions on you within the first couple of weeks. She might have seen you as romantic material the first times she saw you, but when you spend more and more time without any romance you get put as a friend and it's nearly impossible to get out of that.
It's not their fault either. Women have to generalize in order to keep sane with the amount of men that they have to put up with. They have to choose. Typically if you are close to them without sex that's what they're going to get used to. They're far easier to have sex with the first week or two and THEN they also try to get close to you spiritually.
Create a new image of you. Now this doesn't mean don't be yourself, but you want her to feel for you then you've got to show what you have to offer her! Instead of just hanging out, take more initiative, say that you want to go to a specific place, hang out with OTHER women. If you get another girlfriend or potential girlfriend than you suddenly become this different man in HER eyes. It really wasn't that great an Idea to say that you Love her. True or not, it's best to let these things happen naturally. If you Love her, then it should be pretty obvious and you don't even have to say it. But if you take the initiative to show that you're boyfriend material and then suddenly don't show her that you Love her. That will draw the question "Didn't he Love me before? How come we're not together?". Never ever ever ever ever ever ever approach a woman like you're courting her, until she's chasing you. Until she wants it.
Well it's good she knows now atleast that part is over with. The simple fact that she knows but isn't scared off is a good thing for you, now you can have faith and think with conviction that no matter what happens (or doesn't) she feels for you atleast a little bit.
Your emotions are beautiful, don't be afraid to let them show, they will transform you in her eyes to glow like the summer sun. Just don't be afraid. If she is a real woman and not some form of cattle to herd with tricks, she can handle real confessions and real explanations. Give her your kisses, let her know how you feel her.
That really touched me... In the end I do hope there are women like that...
68 has it right. With some exception, a woman will make up her mind on how she feels about you within a few meetings. The great part of an established relationship is "being there" for someone, but if there's too much of that in the beginning, you'll drift into the dreaded friend zone.
I know and you are right, but I'd rather be cut down in the open a thousand times to find that one woman who will complete me.... Rather than settle for a fucking knife that will slowly bleed me dry in the privacy of my own home.
>>Ah, Julia, I am such a fool! You should know that I don't deserve you...
Seriously dude don't be silly, don't ever say that to her. Ever.
Thanks again for all the support. So, we kissed. Though they were not the most romantic or passionate lip-lockings, those brief moments were heavenly - but I won't bore you with ranting about how happy I am. She leaves for a three-week trip to her father's house in another state tomorrow. Cruel that we should finally kiss only to be immediately separated, but I should be able to survive the loneliness somehow.
Ah, love stories.
Press on, and let love be your guide. Don't be afraid to make mistakes because if she really loves you it won't matter. Change, but change for the better do not forget yourself. If you do something, no matter how little do it because you love her. Breath as if you breath only because you love her. Live only to see her face once more. If you LOVE her she would be a fool not to love you.
What a half-assed 'love story'. What a clichèd teenage crush.
Bo ho, I don't wish I could share your pain.
Haha, I feel like I'm reading an inspirational book. But thanks anyway.
I realize it's clichèd, and I won't pretend that what I feel is somehow more special than the millions of other passing teenage crushes out there, each one of them believing that they have discovered "true love." But I don't give a fuck; I've found happiness.
I'm glad you're sober about this thing but put your heart and back into this relationship and don't ever allow yourself to think that it might just be a passing thing. There is nothing saying you cannot make this last, it's all about what you put your mind to.
Don't worry. I love her enough to risk getting hurt by persisting in our relationship even through college. I just know it will probably end badly, as all such relationships do, with me only probably being able to see her on weekends, but I still believe that it can work out somehow. Love can be blinding that way.
I feel jealous now and thats highly unusual.
I don't know why I get this picture of your girl being awesome because I'm usually such a cynical prick. I guess I believe you.
Thank you for the advice. I have been trying to just relax around her, and so far it's been great. I won't ramble on about all the laughs we have together, or the first time we made out while sitting on a grassy hill overlooking the night city, but I will say it has really been wonderful. It's given me a whole new perspective on not just love, but life, too. In movies characters will say to each other, "Have you ever been love before?" in order to prove a point, and now I can understand why. It really alters your take on things; for a brief example, I don't care all that much about sex or porn anymore. If we never have sex (we both know it's probably never going to happen) I don't really care. As long as I have her.
4ch success story!
You've one the first boss, but you've got some grinding to do before the second. Good going, Clyo!
This is so awesome, this is like Densha Otoko forum on this site, and this guy is just so like him to, to now have girl that loves him. That it some crazy twist of fate
Personally I love this forum. I paste fake questions and fake advice, and the only risk is that someone sages a thread. Sometimes people take my advice and it actually works, and then I consider myself a failure.
Wishful thinking - I'm no Densha. Just a foolish 17-year-old boy.
Anyway, we're still going strong, though as with all relationships there are a few rocky points. She can be very stubborn, and if we ever disagree on something she tries as hard as she can to change the subject, refusing to talk about it. And she is still very closed to me, especially about her past. It's impossible for us to get into an argument this way, but also leaves problems unsolved and both of us frustrated. (Advice on dealing with this part welcome...)
Update, in case anybody cares.
We are still having great times together. I somehow feel closer now than ever before. I feel like I'm finally getting places! I keep repeating this, but it's hard to believe how much I've changed since posting >>1. At the point I'm at now, even if I somehow lose her (God forbid) I won't be completely lost. I'm no longer desperate. This relationship really started as desperation, looking back. I would have been crushed had she rejected me, I'm just really lucky she didn't. But the point is that now I am no longer weak. We love each other!
Obligatory update for the millionth time: We are still going out. I love her so much!
Thats great to hear mate. Obligatory best wishes for the millionth time. :)
I hate you and all you stand for. But continue to make bombing runs, my shelter is actually getting pretty solid now.