One of my best friends in the world is half Lebanese. Arranged marriages are a long standing tradition in that culture. She told me yesterday that her grandparents have decided to, for some unknown reason, set her up with one. The only problems: A.) she doesn't want to go through with this B.)If she doesn't, her grandparents, (the ones trying to set this up) who are f-ing loaded, will disown her, and her parents (who would get it all once the g.ps are gone, would really suffer C.) The person she marries could be just using her for the money,and that would lead to her heartbreak, D.) He could be someone who would abuse her or otherwise hurt her. And of course, E.) I want her for myself. (we dated a while back). Both of us are only high school freshmen, so there's not a lot we can do. Once this gets officially straightened out, she's screwed. I need some kind person to please tell me of any SERIOUS ideas to kill this marriage before it's finalized. Peace.
If you take her virginity, her marriage will be ruined, especially if her parents are religious. She will also get disowned.
sorry, you said serious response, but as a Muslim and a middle eastern i would say that there is no way outta this, once your dad says it, no one can oppose and if you do, your life will turn into shit. but please do let her know that you will be there to support her.
I don't want to go as far as the government. Just to see at least what we can do first.
>>3 It doesn't hurt to hold the knowledge, thats all. sorry, only extreme ideas come to mind so far. its just that my own brother is trying to get an arranged marriage and the concept blows my mind. I rather die alone than to indirectly force some girl into marriage when i don't even know the person. whats up with that...
keep us updated.
Ok, she said something last I talked to her about her cousin trying to take her place...
not sure if this is serious or not, but her m.o. is usually to say something like that to get me to stop worrying about it... I dont know, but I need to get a sense of what's happening. I'll call her tonight and post tommorow.
I would say that getting a relative around her age to take her place would be a good idea. However, could I inquire about what country you live in, >>1? There are some legal systems that she could pursue to get out of the arranged marriage. Also, if she's a high school freshman, that's a bit young to get married. I think at sixteen you can marry with your parents consent, and nineteen without. It really depends where you two live. Alright well, does she CARE about getting disowned? Because if she doesn't, there are loads more ways to bomb this marriage. If she does care, well...
If you're in the United States, then there are no legal concepts of arranged marriage. They can put whatever they want down on paper, but there is no legal obligation on either of the two parties involved to do jack shit. If she doesn't consent, she doesn't consent, and cannot be legally forced. That said, there's nothing that says they can't disown her, although considering her age they likely can't legally be kicked out of the home (child abandonment/endangerment. Look into the legal aspect, as previously suggested, as in some jurisdictions attempted arraigned marriage can actually be legally construed as a form of 'endangering the welfare of a minor'. This isn't just true in the US, it holds for a lot (if not most) of western countries.
In a practical sense, this will end one of three ways. One, the most desirable but unfortunately the least likely, the grandparents cede and let the issue drop. Two, the most likely 'good' outcome, she puts up with being disowned by them and backs out on her own. It'll hurt her and her parents, but that's not on her head, that's on her grandparents. It doesn't matter what their motivations or beliefs in this matter are, they are still in the wrong by a long shot, and any harm they cause as a result of their actions is just that, harm THEY cause. She should pursue this option as soon as possible, the longer she delays the more the grandparents will think that they can win, and the less likely it is that they will EVER respect her decision. The third option, which we won't even consider, is actually going through with it. It won't turn out well, unless she its that lucky 1% chance. Which she won't.
Yes, she's in a shitty position, but you both (and her parents) have to recognize that all the (likely) outcomes kind of suck, and its not their fault. They just have to do what's right for the girl, and tell the grandparents respectfully that there is no way they're attempting to force their child into marriage. If they won't cut this thing off, she has to. If she gets cut off from her grandparents financially, then it happens. Her parents have to support themselves then, but unless there's something seriously wrong with them, they can. If worst comes to worst, and her parents side with the grandparents, she needs to get out of that environment ASAP. The longer she allows anyone involved to think she'll go through with this bullshit, the harder and harder it will be for her to pull out of it.
One last possibility I feel the need to state, is that the grandparents attempt to do this old school and actually physically hold her until they can force her into it. Possibly in another country. It may sound far fetched, but its an unfortunate possibility that HAS seen fruition lately, especially if you're in Europe. Make sure that until this is resolved, she doesn't spend much (if any) time with them solo. If her parents support her in this, then time with the grandparents when they are present is fine. When they think they know what's best, adults will do stupid, shitty things to kids and teenagers. Do not let her put herself in a vulnerable position. If they do try it, regardless of whether they manage to hold onto her or not, IMMEDIATELY CALL THE POLICE. I cannot stress this hard enough, MAKE SURE LEGAL ACTION IS TAKEN. Almost anywhere you go in the western world, holding a minor and attempting to force them into legal contract, or extradite them to another country for said purpose, is not only illegal, its highly illegal. If they try it, its probably the only way to protect her for sure. After an attempt, she can't let them have any contact with her for at least a year for safety purposes. She should probably consider a restraining order of some sort too. Its harsh, but the risks are too high.
Whatever the case, don't take any more of this on yourself than you have to. Make sure she, and her parents, are handling this as much as possible, because you have absolutely no legal authority in this sort of issue. And don't pursue her romantically until after this shit is done with, unless she poses the idea first. She could view an attempt at a relationship as a betrayal of trust during a vulnerable moment, and the last thing she needs is for one of those right in the middle of one of the biggest betrayals possible (which is already happening, right now). Support her however you can, but don't let her think you're only helping because you're interested in her as a significant other, or that the only way she can keep your support is by getting in your pants.
Take legal action, but speak with her first about your concerns.
impregnate her and then have her tell everyone that she was raped so no one can blame her or hate her for it. No man wants to marry a woman who is pregnant with another man's child so that will kill the arranged marraige. Her grandparents and parents can't get mad at her because that would be evil after all the trauma she's gone through getting raped and all. They will support her and your child then you can marry her later and viola!! simple, ne?
>>14 that's pretty stupid, considering loads of people are willing to blame a woman who was raped. They'll say it was her own fault, she was sleezy, etc, loose, and the gets all the blame. Especially since it's a Lebanese background, this wouldn't work at all...>>7, >>8, >>9, and >>10 contain the best information we can give you buddy, take it.
Stick it in her pooper
set the male partner up to be caught cheating, ask female friends for favors, get evidence and present it to her grandparents.