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help... relationship didn't get off the ground (22)


19 Name: OP : 2007-05-31 15:49 ID:aNQLHevz

OP here with a real (and positive!) update... Sorry for the long post!

After trying to get ahold of her for awhile, I finally got up the courage to actually call yesterday... After leaving a voice mail, I called again, on a lark... And got her mother, lol!

(Her mother, I'd met before, and was very nice); I learned that just as she'd mentioned to me, she'd gone with a few friends to a waterpark that day...

As I found myself talking more & more to her mother, her mother told me confidentially the exact things I'd suspected... That though she really still cared about me, when she met me in reality, and realized that this was a real relationship, she was in actuality, completely terrified, and wasn't ready to deal with it right then...

I explained everything, and my wanting to try things with her over again (Her mother found it actually very charming that I was such an upfront and honest person, and really felt bad that it hadn't gone well), and said she'd mention me calling;

Later, last night, I got a call about 11 pm... It was her... We wound up talking for about all of this for about three and a half hours, if you can believe that!...

We started talking casually talking, as though nothing had happened, and eventually got on the subject of what had happened... Turns out she did indeed realize how she'd come off to me... She didn't think about it at the time, but as she was scared to death of how real and sudden this had become, and had wanted to get back home & think about it, she'd also come off as an @$$hole... (Our mutual friend, her mother, and her older sister'd had all told her that, when she had told them what happened...)

(Her mom had also explained my feelings and such to her when she'd come home, explaining to her that I wasn't mad about what happened... Creepy how mothers have this weird way/power of helping talk about things...

She literally told me there was nothing wrong with me, and it was all her fault, in acting that way, and that she'd honestly been, in actuality, avoiding inevitably having this very conversation, and having to face it...

I first and foremost made clear that I'd seriously wanted a relationship, and she agreed, and though she had thoughts of backing off and trying to be friends, she came to the same conclusion...

At this point, though, she first wants to have more of a time or two of just "hanging out", watching movies over pizza and things like that, to 'get used to me', before we have a date thing again; That's specifically what scared her, going on a suddenly real date with someone she'd fallen for and gotten to know over the phone, when she'd never been in a relationship before... (That, and her concerns about still being able to travel and take a job somewhere else, wherever, when she finishes school, which I assured her I honestly would never want her to not be able to!)

In any case, we're going to continue doing the "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing, though the next time or two is just going to be hanging out, getting to know each other in person better, before a real date again, which I'm all for!

I'm so very glad I went with my heart for once, stuck to my guns on this, and fought for what I believed in and felt in my heart was right, even though many people, including some of my family, wanted me to give up on this... I've never felt strongly enough about anything before to have wanted to keep trying to this extent, but this once I did, and it worked out in the end, so far!

My sincerest thanks to everyone who supported me in this, and posted, and those many more who just lurked & read, and I hope this helps anyone out there dealing with a struggle over whether to give up, or hold on and keep fighting for what you feel and believe in... (<end my sappy romantic monologue!>)