Hey guys... OP here.
We just broke up yesterday. She wanted to see me, turns out that she wanted out of this relationship, telling me that there's nothing wrong with me, but it's just that she wants more. I thought I've given enough, so I told her about how I really felt about what she did in the past and every feeling I was holding back. She thought she was the unhappy one, but at least she realized that we were both unhappy and we've been holding back too much. I asked her if she regrets doing the marriage thing, and she said yes; she said it was an "impulsive" move. But she still thinks that holding any guys arm when she goes out with them is right; she said "it's a courtesy."
But I felt much better that I could tell her how I really felt... she asked me why I haven't told her anything about this before, and I told her that I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Then she said if I told her earlier about this we could've fixed it, but "it's too late to fix it." She has never loved a man like how she loved me, but in the end, we both ended up getting emotionally hurt. She asked me "if I ever want to get back with me in future, would you take me back?" and I deeply thought about it. I said yes. Lastly she told me that she still loves me very much. We were both in tears. I woke up today thinking about what happened last night, it hurt me so much that it ended up making my stomach sick.
There's something I realized. Remember how I said I'm just staying with her for sex until the better one comes? I think it was more of an emotional attachment that I needed. Sex doesn't mean much to me anymore. Sex played a great part in our relationship, but I felt much happier when we were emotionally connected, like when we were sharing thoughts, pampering each other, and knowing that someone is going to be there for you when the worst happens. I truly miss those moments.