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Am I asking too much? (32)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-01 07:05 ID:AfVzezwy

So I've been going out with this shy girl (we're girlfriend/boyfriend), but something just doesn't feel right. I know she likes me but the way she acts towards me says the exact opposite.

I'll give you a few examples of what I mean.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-01 07:17 ID:QYo6XDy2


3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-01 07:20 ID:AfVzezwy

What should I do? Should I keep trying with this girl and hopefully she'll become affectionate (which makes me think I'm acting similar to when a girl wants to change an ass into a decent guy) or should I just find another girl that suites my needs?

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-01 08:36 ID:Ohv1ns9G

What about talking to her about it?

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-01 10:55 ID:GoSYMdKe

Find someone else.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-01 13:51 ID:Heaven

Tell to her that if she can be more affective you will need to broke the relationship, try to don't hurt her.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-01 16:01 ID:WQ+93+f0

I DID talk to her about it. The thing that upsets me is that she's completely fine with it. She says that's the way she acts towards everyone. I've known her for awhile and that's true, but I thought things would change once we got into the girl/boy relationship.

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8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-01 16:48 ID:Heaven

Be an hero.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-01 17:43 ID:417dr0+R

Man, I got Deja Vu reading >>1 and >>7. I was in a very similar situation just a couple weeks ago. (Though I'm not sure to what degree.)

The difference is, when I talked to her on MSN late at night about it, she said she would try to be better about it. But I saw no change! She was pretty much the same as always. After this, I started getting depressed the same way you were. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I even cried once worrying so much that the relationship was going to have to end soon.

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10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-01 20:09 ID:vHo4imma

But it's not right for her to be acting towards you "the way she acts towards everyone". If you're in a relationship, she should behave accordingly. If she doesn't behave that way, it's because, for one reason or another, she doesn't want the relationship, or she has no clue how to behave in a relationship, or she's terrified.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-01 21:30 ID:j4Evtf4u


12 Name: Frigid Onanoko : 2007-07-01 21:47 ID:S5i9e24Y

It happen every once in while, when somebody write coherent, structured and to the point. Like here. Frigid Onanoko like those the best!

>>9 make good point. You want her to be more open to you, more outgoing and not passive, affectionate. A kiss just because she feel like it. Those little things that show she love you. That seems to be what you expect but you no get so you depressed (no?)

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13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-02 00:59 ID:Em3cFi86

What happens when you try to fuck her?

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-02 03:28 ID:zw21xBrC

Alright guys, thanks for all the feedback.

I decided I'm going to talk to her about it again whenever I get the chance (which will be tonight, maybe). I'm going to ask her if she even wants to be in a relationship. And how I don't like how she acts so cold toward me. You're right >>10, I'm not everyone else, I'm her boyfriend.

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15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-02 03:51 ID:cPoGhRPF

OP... I should let you know this because it reminds me of some relationships I've had before. Girls like her don't want you to try to show affection, most of them will eventually say you are needy. Try not to exaggerate in asking for afection feedback and stuff like that.

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16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-02 04:05 ID:zw21xBrC

OP here again, and actually >>15, I was thinking about doing just that. From now on, I'm doing nothing. I'm not getting online any more. She knows my cell number. If she wants to talk, she can call. Really, I'm going to do nothing. Right now I feel like a fool for trying so hard in the first place. I'm just...done.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-02 04:43 ID:cPoGhRPF

OP, >>15 here, i think it is for the best, this is the better way to find out if she really feels anything for you. she might be hurt by this but ... she also hurt you.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-07 03:16 ID:k9IcKnPu

any updates on this OP ?

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-07 04:44 ID:GA6LfLQ+

Well, a little.

After I said I wasn't going to do anything, I end up talking to her the next day. Figures. But one of my friends (I'll call him Z) in our circle was dating another in our circle (I'll call her W), so I'm like, hey, why don't we double date? So we set that up for next week. We decided on bowling, seems like fun.

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20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-07 05:42 ID:hAm3bCwl

break up with her.
and come have lunch with me.
I'll give you all the attention you deserve!

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21 Name: Sparkling : 2007-07-07 08:37 ID:SRJuOKiL

OP, reminds me the situation with my one and only girlfriend. We both had depression (I'd come through it, she was still recovering), she was cold towards me. I had to initiate everything, which is hard for me, as I'm very awkward around people, girls even more and pretty girls even more. Eventually, I took the "fine, I'll do nothing" approach, waiting for her to contact me. She just sent me e-mails, which hurt me, but I coped with it.

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22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-07 12:27 ID:GA6LfLQ+

I never thought of it that way...I really am depressed. It's a horrible feeling, like all your energy has been sucked out of you and you're just sitting there, hoping you get tired enough to go to sleep. It's weird, I'm usually one of those guys who has an optimistic outlook on everything and pretty hard to upset, but this time, I just can't kick it into gear.

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23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-07 13:11 ID:vRIF2Zez

Good luck. Let us know how it goes for you. I'm cheering for you, buddy.

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-07 16:02 ID:k9IcKnPu

Good luck OP, i was just thinking about telling you to break up with her... But you got there on your own. I think i talk for all of us when i say I am proud of your strength even when you so involved with her, it's good to feel that these threads actually mean something.

25 Name: Frigid Onanoko : 2007-07-07 19:22 ID:S5i9e24Y

Op you being unreasonable. She had some fun with a couple, so pretty safe. If she went with Z alone, then you could and should be angry. Now, you just being possessive. She has life of her own and seem to value that. If you think she cannot have fun on her own with some people because you were also going to have fun with those people later... don't worry, she'll break up for you. FO not understand problem anyway. Are you also afraid that when people read your books, the stories inside become used and less interesting?

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26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-07 19:29 ID:k9IcKnPu

>>25 You are taking sides, and you shouldn't. The problem here is that they simply don't work as a couple, in the end it'll be her by her own, not caring and happy. And him feeling depressed.

They don't match. He doesn't have to appologize for being who he is, same has she doesn't have to change to please him. There are too many fish in the sea for us to change for someone else, perfect matches are the ones that fully please us, and not the shitty ones in which you must change, or act like someone you are not.

27 Name: Frigid Onanoko : 2007-07-08 23:59 ID:S5i9e24Y

>>26 taking sides is irrelevant. Frigid Onanoko will never condone with unfounded jealousy Op is yielding to right now. What he angry about? That his girlfriend have fun without him? If he no can live with that, then with next girl he gonna date, he should bring dogleash and see if it fit. Or ask if she wanna live the 60's model family lifestyle. Gentle reserved housewife doing all chores, making little money on the side, rearing kids, and devoted to husband. That model comes down basically to lots of investment in relationship by the wife. Oh, such stereotypes. Or maybe not understand difference between girlfriend and mother? However, FO only bother about free people in todays world, no have time for dreamers. (sorry, sounding harsh, sorry!)

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28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-09 09:41 ID:zqFV3Uta

I think he just wants some signs she cares about the relationship. What I garner is:

->It's important to him, but there are other things in his life.

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29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-09 22:16 ID:BFF41u//

As someone who went through almost the exact same type of relationship just a few weeks back, my guess would be that she's not being serious about it... To her, BF/GF is just a word, nothing more, and she just likes to say she has a BF, if anyone asks...

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30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-10 01:27 ID:KqUAa7bv

Being a BF or a GF means nothing, what matters is whether they both love each other, or not.

1) she has a veeeeeery weird way of loving.

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31 Name: Impusivelyliving : 2007-07-11 15:32 ID:p3mwH1Jy

She doesn't care about you if she's being dull or not accepting, just find someone else, and if you doubt yourself, don't. They're always someone out there for someone.

32 Name: ND : 2007-07-21 04:19 ID:r/f8MSZI

Alright, I'll say this out first. People will act VERY different when they're with a large group of people or with only one other person. It's a bit funny, cause your description fits that of someone I know. At any rate, I'd advise you to talk to her about how you feel, confront her about it. It's best to lay everything out bare. Good luck!