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Risk the only 'friendship with a girl' I ever had? (30)

1 Name: 25 year old virgin : 2007-07-09 15:20 ID:oBHMoqea

I'll make it short.

I'm a 25 year old virgin. Not only that, but I've never been in a friendship with a girl. And I have social phobia. To sum it up, I have almost zero conversational, social and sexual experience with women.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-09 17:49 ID:9vc09RCe

Risk it! You don't want to live with regret. It won't be too hard to find female friends, but not ones you are in love with. If you're really in love with her you definitely don't want to miss this chance.

3 Name: 25 year old virgin : 2007-07-09 18:05 ID:oBHMoqea


>>It won't be too hard to find female friends
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4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-09 18:11 ID:bDGKggdP

it kinda sounds like you're already dating. don't go telling her you love her or anything like that (maybe you really do, maybe you think you do, but give that one a liiiittle time since it seems like that's a totally new experience for you. call it infatuation for now- it feels pretty similar at first), but you should let her know that you like her and are interested in her. ask her out on a proper date. it would be utterly foolish not to.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-09 18:17 ID:bDGKggdP

>If you consider this fact, would you still go through with it?


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6 Name: 25 year old virgin : 2007-07-09 20:24 ID:oBHMoqea

Ok. I'm considering to escalate this. My shrink will probably tell me the same thing you guys did. Thanks guys.

Just one question:

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7 Name: 43 : 2007-07-09 21:33 ID:DHviMcZr

Make compliments, the sort of compliments friends don't make. You can start by telling she look particularly pretty today, etc.

Let us know how it turns.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-09 21:49 ID:daCOiBiW


9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-09 22:19 ID:Da2EWRwi

It must be progressive, make compliments, touch her a little (when walking for instance, or touch her shoulder when talking).

You can ask her to come to your home to chat after a good date.

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10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-10 02:08 ID:xqglVBXp

Don't risk it. I don't think you love her, i think it's just a silly infatuation since you have social phobia, never been with women, etc. And the first woman you relate to, HAS to be someone you love, it's not true, if you want to, confess, then if you feel very hurt, and after a week you don't feel hurt anymore, it means you really didn't love her. Love is hard to come by.

11 Name: 10 : 2007-07-10 02:09 ID:xqglVBXp

Oh and, if you still want to be friends with her, gather up some strength and tell her that it was simple infatuation, and that in truth, what you want is a friend to whom you can talk about women, so that you can understand them better.

12 Name: 25 year old virgin : 2007-07-10 05:52 ID:oBHMoqea

I know it could be just infatuation. But it's been 4 weeks since our first meeting and I still think about her.

>It must be progressive
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13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-10 06:55 ID:tMCtiRRa


My personal opinion is simple. Know a lot of different girls. And stick to just friendship. By knowing alot of different women, you get to know what you really like in personality. And get to see what and who you should go for.

14 Name: 25 year old virgin : 2007-07-10 09:48 ID:oBHMoqea

That sounds very reasonable. Now I'm torn again, lol damnit. I'm easily sway in this matter, especially by sound arguments. Because this is important to me.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-10 11:22 ID:9vc09RCe

A few months ago, I would have whole-heartedly agreed with >>13. If you think about the problem logically, with the mind and not the heart, >>13 is completely right. However, a few months ago I risked a close friendship with a girl I liked by asking her out, and now I feel completely differently about the whole issue. Now, my situation is somewhat similar to yours in that besides my girlfriend, I really have had no other female friends. Even now, I barely have any male friends, so if she had rejected me, I would have been very lonely. But I went for it anyway, and thank God she liked me back.

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16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-10 13:40 ID:KRKe5QBT

it should not be progressive. you need to be direct with her. ask her out. if she's not interested you can probably still be friends as long as you don't freak out.

and don't go saying you love her, because you don't. love has to grow. you're really into her, you like her a lot, you think of her all the time- these are the sparks of love. this can (and will) happen with many, many girls. actual love is developed and it requires her to reciprocate. remember this, or you risk scaring her off.

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17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-10 14:38 ID:Heaven


18 Name: Impusivelyliving : 2007-07-11 15:24 ID:Wx3+Ynp8

I've helped my guy friends get friend with females and these guys are anti-social when it comes to talking to girls. Basically be yourself, be funny but don't try to hard and let them talk, because they want a listener.

19 Name: 25 year old virgin : 2007-07-11 15:36 ID:lutQiQzB

She started her new job on Monday. I'm kinda jealous, because I know she has probably met new people there..all which she can and will socialize and perhaps even romanticize with. It remains to be seen if she still wants to socialize with me, I haven't chatted/talked to her since Monday. As you see, I have serious attitude and inferiority problems, if I can't even stand her meeting new people. I had five weeks to make a move. Time is probably up, because she has met and will meet more interesting and social people, now that she has a job.

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20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-11 17:07 ID:9vc09RCe

> Time is probably up, because she has met and will meet more interesting and social people, now that she has a job.

This type of thinking is what you need to stop. Even if you do start improving yourself, you'll never be good enough for her if you keep thinking the same way you do now. You said for yourself that you have serious attitude and inferiority problems, and this is one symptom of it. You're not as bad as you think you are! Believe in yourself. There is no 'right time frame' that you need to get in. Don't be discouraged just because she got a job, go for it anyway!

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21 Name: 25 year old virgin : 2007-07-11 21:52 ID:lutQiQzB

We chatted again today, for 30 minutes. She wasn't as warm-hearted as usual and seemed a bit more distant. Maybe it's because work is exhausting her (8 hours per day), maybe it's because she has lost interest in me, who knows.

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22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-12 00:31 ID:9vc09RCe

Yeah, that's me. Good powers of deduction. Unfortunately, I'm only 17, and I imagine my high school romance has little bearing on your situation.

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23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-12 01:25 ID:Heaven

(__)_) <--- Ass
m-'.'-m <--- Moses

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-12 05:44 ID:Heaven

i bet that's getting old even in 4chan.

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-15 06:42 ID:5KKpH+fx

(__)_) <--- Ass
m-'.'-m <--- Moses

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-15 06:44 ID:5KKpH+fx

Oh, and >>22 is right.

27 Name: 25 year old virgin : 2007-07-15 11:58 ID:zx9YS0pS

I guess I fucked up.

On Friday, I told her I feel more for her than just sympathy. On MSN. It wasn't my intention to, because I know that doing this the online way is stupid. But she asked me if I have ever fallen in love, and the chat eventually led me to tell her. After I told her on MSN, she said she didn't know if she felt the same way, but she admitted to her wondering herself if I felt more for her than just sympathy. She said.."let's see how this will work out". She asked me if I wanted to meet the next day, I agreed.

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28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-15 16:08 ID:Heaven

The facesitting of moses!

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-15 18:56 ID:9vc09RCe

This doesn't sound as bad as you seem to think it is! You did stuff together, you didn't do anything outwardly stupid, and it's not like she rejected you directly or anything. I would ask her out again unless you're completely sure that she hated being with you.

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30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-07-15 21:00 ID:3k2if94Y

>>27 OH ! That wasn't as bad as you think it was ! Truly !

You might want to try to ask her out again, but first do this: go to your bathroom mirror and look yourself in the eyes, after you feel comfortable, try talking to yourself. Say what you think about yourself to the mirror, scream, sing, whatever, but remember to look at yourself in the eyes.

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