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tumbling into void but floating still (20)


1 Name: Demian : 2007-08-25 20:26 ID:TOnyRfhh

I lived abroad, on the other side of the world, China, last fall for half a year. There, I met a girl in class who impressed me, but we did not get closer much even though every now and then we would run into each other, and then banter casually for a while. Near the end of my study abroad period we had an uplifting talk and decided to meet for lunch. This day would be after our winter exams, on the day that I would return home. That made us free, no obligations, rid of all the stress from the month before, no expectations but at ease and positive. I had a wonderful time. She was so rejoiceful to listen to, the ambiance was ephemeral to me and by the end, I felt no distance between us even though we were standing apart. It was such a wondersome experience. Time was something other people bothered about, not me - not then. If I am not mistaken, and I'm sure I'm not, I sensed in her that she also was impressed by the harmonious air between us. My plane took off that same night and I knew that I had experienced something wonderful. When the plane finally landed, my heart still soared up high and would do so for a long time.

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2 Name: Demian : 2007-08-25 20:26 ID:TOnyRfhh

She received my letter well. We were both sad about the distance between us. Then an opportunity came for her to study abroad. To make a long story short, this summer vacation she came early, and I went on holiday there in the same city. We were going to spend some time together. Communication remained difficult however, with long periods of silence.

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3 Name: Demian : 2007-08-25 20:27 ID:TOnyRfhh

So yesterday I woke up at her appartment, caressing her for the last time. It turned out to be a rather long session but I had to leave. She covered her face to avoid having to see me go, and then I really left that place.

I am in love. My heart is still with that girl, I want her. I want her presence and I want to look back into her eyes. I cant describe her eyes but I am so in love with them. I want to hear her voice again and listen to her speak. I crave for the trust that we created between us and that I care so much for. I want her sweet lips and her body too. My heart finally catched up with the status of our relationship and now the rational part of my mind is trying to convince it that we have decided to end it.

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4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-08-25 20:53 ID:ZI5jD2IJ

One of you move to China/Europe? If you love each other that much, you'd be willing to sacrifice your place of residence for one another. The future is only what you make of it. She doesn't have a future in China, and you in Europe, you only have the futures you both chose to make for yourselves.

5 Name: Demian : 2007-08-25 21:09 ID:TOnyRfhh

We've only been together for one short short week. We think it takes a bit longer than that to feel comfortable about radically restructuring your life. We have not even been into a fight yet, we hardly know each other still. The comment about our futures is correct, indeed our future is not set out in stone. However, a future together is very risky since we know so little about each other.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-08-25 21:21 ID:ZI5jD2IJ

>>5

You have an obvious chemistry, develop it more over MSN and online things. Just because it's ol doesn't mean it has to be impersonal. Eventually you'll find out whether or not you truly love each other. Until then, no reason to be down about it. Just let things play out as they will, be sure to keep in touch with her and if there's more to be written to your book of love it will write itself. Don't assume you're both fated to be apart though.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-08-26 03:32 ID:vVeZyAHX

I only have one word to counter your novel of a post:

"Aww."

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-08-26 09:15 ID:LgIDzHmJ

>>5
Long long ago, in a galaxy far away, people used to write love letters to each other when there was no fandangled 'telephone' or or 'airplanes' or 'internet'. And even in those times, they perservered.

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9 Name: Demian : 2007-09-02 10:14 ID:TOnyRfhh

I do not believe in it. I want to stay in Europe, and she would in China. That sacrifice of moving to a different continent is too large to make. A letter relationship is not what I want, not after tasting her lips and getting puzzled endlessly by those silent yet speaking eyes of hers. I want it all, all that she can give me. I want to give my all, not some mere blueprint of my badly translated thoughts, apparent only on a flat screen. In fact I already have trouble filtering my own feelings from preconceived ideas about love that I got from all the books I've read. I'm afraid that our relation becomes more and more of a fiction as time progresses. Therefore, I shall repeat to her that our relation is finite, that I will end it at latest by christmas.

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10 Name: Hamtaro78 : 2007-09-02 17:57 ID:AHlaMzKR

Ok, you sir, are a fucking moron. When you find something that good in this finite life where the only certanty is death, you don't let a little something like landmass get into the way. I can understand your caution in the situation, but if you two really love each other (and you just might), you would be completly idiotic, nay, INSANE for you to give it up without a fight.

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11 Name: Demian : 2007-09-02 19:54 ID:TOnyRfhh

Ah, >>10, and allow me to reciprocate the sentiment of your opening sentence. I think no man would think very straight the first days after releasing the embrace of the girl he'd come to love. My mind is much clearer now, (although granted, it feels a lot colder) and I don't want a long distance relationship. The half year that we communicated to each other before she came to France were very disappointing for me. I hated it, seriously, I despise letters and having to guess what she is saying, and if she correctly understands my meaning. Language is a problem because, even though she is good at understanding english, her writing skills are in my opinion insufficient. At least, when I read it I can't feel confident that I understand her meaning, because it is frequently oddly worded.

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12 Name: Hamtaro78 : 2007-09-03 02:11 ID:AHlaMzKR

Dude, Op, i'm not saying you should give it all up right now and go for it. You have to really get to know each other before you can make such large scarifieces. That's exactly why you have to keep talking to each other. You have to find out if it really would be worth all of the effort you two would have to put throught o be together. Long distance relationships do, in all seriousness, suck. And it's just compounded in your case with the language barrier. And you're totally right on the culture part, too. But cultures can be assimilated and languages can be larned with time, that's not even what the determing factor should be here.

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13 Name: TS : 2007-09-06 03:35 ID:vMWtjuns

Happiness is the one thing humans seek; you have clearly found it OP. I know you've debated considerably with yourself about your qualms on this relationship, but you must work to make this happen. I've seen long distance relationships before; trust me, they are extremely difficult to maintain, due to the fact that you are not physically present with your partner.

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14 Name: Demian : 2007-09-06 10:48 ID:TOnyRfhh

Thank you all, for the time you took to aid me here. I can give an update on the situation now, because yesterday I was able to contact her on msn.

>>13, there is no location between Shanghai and Amsterdam that would spread the pain of moving far from home. Any midway position is very far away from our respective homes. I have to first finish university in 1.5 years, and she is not finished either. It would take at least that period to wait before I could move to her. Such a commitment is close to marriage, and I am not that desperate - even though she is the very first girl I value so much. There has been only one week that I was with her, in a vacation setting. Its not enough time to warrant the sacrifice either of us would make.

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15 Name: TS : 2007-09-06 23:20 ID:vMWtjuns

op, that's raw guts to be able to say something like that, not to mention understanding the current situation and prioritizing both yours and her education. I applaud you.

I agree with your decision, though I feel you should have told her the difficulty of being able to maintain a long distance relationship and that you value her too much to jeopardize it by trying to consummate the relationship too quickly. If both you and she truly love each other and understand this, then I believe things will be able to work out much easier once the two of you have finished your educational careers.

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16 Name: Demian : 2007-09-07 12:43 ID:TOnyRfhh

I told her "if we meet again, then I will greet you as a good, deeply respected and greatly admired friend."
...what the hell was I thinking? I must've hurt her saying something so distantiated. I've been really depressed about it yesterday night, couldn't work. Now that I imagine that I upset her and that I might have destroyed something between us, now I really miss her. If only she would be with me and say "it's alright.'

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17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-07 14:59 ID:Heaven

Text chat isn't so sterile that you can't get the message across. "I miss you", "I want to feel your warmth", etc... it's pretty hard to construe these things as not wanting the person. And when in doubt there is always video chat, right?

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18 Name: Demian : 2007-09-18 13:40 ID:TOnyRfhh

It is now over. sorry for bumping this thread which was slumbering peacefully otherwise. It is over.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-09-19 00:33 ID:Heaven

>>18
The fact that you bumped the thread without providing an update and apologized for doing so in the same post leaves me to believe you are an attention whore.

20 Name: Demian : 2007-09-19 09:53 ID:TOnyRfhh

I think you're right