So, there is this girl. She's my dad's student. We've been hanging out sometimes during lunchtime at work (we work at different areas of he city) and I gotta say, it's kind of fun. Recently, I just started holding hands with her and (deep breath)... it was my first time holding hands with a girl. I've also read a bit from Neil Strauss and Mystery, using some techniques, such as cocky and funny, revealing her real desires, making her laugh a bit. It's great, but something is fishy. Paranoia and insecurities, to be exact. Now, I know some Japanese girls like foreign guys, but I'm not exactly Mr. Sexy. I look fat, and I think it stems from that, really. I am thinking she is just being very kind to me, like how Japanese are. So, I am now sitting and thinking to myself "Nothing is going to happen, because you have nothing to offer her." I guess what I'm trying to figure out if she is genuine or if she is just being kind and considerate. Help me, please?
the best way to figure it out, is to let things continue, and keep pushing and trying to have the relationship you want to have with her, do what you want etc., if you like her, ask her out, and so on. there is no other way. of course you can also rely on speculation but thats just sad.
How do I got rid of speculation?
How do I got rid of speculation?
whoops double post sorry.
If you think you're a bit fat you have two options: 1) Lose Weight 2) Realise that fat guys can still score with girls. I'm reading Mystery's Venusian Arts Handbook at the moment and I'm left with the impression that as long as you appear confident girls will like that.
I currently am. I've been working out for the past 6 months and I have more of a bodybuilding physique now than a fat dude. Nevertheless, I currently am. No doubt will it take a long time though, heh.
>>5 is right, loosing weight is always good. I'm very skinny, but being muscular is ALWAYS a turn on to women. I need to start working out myself. Plus, it shows that you care about yourself, and her for trying so hard.
not true. i like 'em skinny. not too skinny though. just toned
I'm skinny and I cannot find chicks. Those chicks who claim to like skinny guys are already taken ;_;
10 i see your mistake. >>9 never said anything about being a chick. Not even about being female. Just think about that...
And skinny is no problem as far as I would see, but as a guy I would advise you to be able to lift an average girl. (Sounds really stupid, but to some degree you need the strength to hold a girl in your arms - at least for as long as it takes to get over the doorstep when you marry her ;)
I'm strong enough to lift a 65 kg person. My physical condition isn't bad (it's gone down a bit due to overwhelming uni, but still good enough). It is a problem of my metabolism :( It takes me ages to gain ~4 Kg and just a couple of weeks to lose them.
if you think that all girls like guys because his skinny, good looking, you really need a reality check, there are alot of beautiful girls who look at personality rather then looks and not listen to these people who til you lose wright, am gonna til you short story about my failure - am ugliest guy you'll ever meet, ok not that ugly, but normal ugly, the first friend i made in univerity was and still is one most beauiful girl in the world, she look better then a model seriously, i was getting a along with her so well, ontil i meet her friends, before univerity i could hang with anyone, talk anyone, have fun with anyone (don't get sick ideas people), but her friends were in a different league, i couldn't talk to them or hang with them, by the way their are all very beautiful, i got scaried because i throught i was too ugly to talk or hang with them, i still see them at univerity, am still scaried. because people used to til me that i was ugly, but these people loved my personality, it's the same for these people, there are tilling you that you are fat, looks are not everything plus it's very hard to loss the wright so take you choice, (^_^)
OP here with an upddate:
She agreed to go to the movies with me after she gets off work :D!!!
OP here again:
I walked her to the station after a lesson.
I got my first ever kiss.
It was a peck on the lips.
My friends who date Japanese girls (I know about three, all of whom have had a couple) have largely complained that they didn't enjoy holding hands, and especially wouldn't kiss in public. But this is still a small sample size and statistics is just lies in the first place. As for other cultures I have no idea. Personally I was brought up to somehow not like physical touch much myself so I'm sure it's no related to race so much as it's related to family environment.
Alas, I wonder if it was an act of kindness?
Like, not to cause any awkwardness...
I was gonna ask if the Japanese girl was in Japan or America, but it seem's that you're in Japan :D (Majority of Japanese girls I've met in Canada piss me off to no extent, and are way different then the ones I chill with in Tokyo are).
> You could be brad pitt or the simpsons comic book guy, all these see is white
I think that's the type of discrimination I can deal with.
I THINK, you guys, I'm not sure, but she agreed to be my girlfriend. It was like this:
We were talking towards the station, and I was talking to her and asking her "Do couples hold hands in Japan?" She seemed confused but she said yes after pondering for a while. And blahblah, then I asked her if she would be my girlfriend, and she said yes. Then I turned to her and asked her again just to be sure, she said yes and smiled and giggled. After that, I said "Yeah?" and smiled and put on a warm face (naturally of course) and then I moved in for the peck. It was warm and quick, I swear. No tongue, just a 2-second peck. I then playfully went in for another kiss (Seemed too forward damn it.) Then I let go of her hand, and she said "Bye" and went down the stairs. Then I ran home after she went down. Whahappened?
>>23 I don't know what the hell happened lol, you got too excited or nervous?
Either way, you've achieved what many white men hope to, yet fail at achieving.
Also, I think this is in order:
Yeah, I think I got a BIT too excited.
BTW I'm not white, I'm Armenian. Look white, though.
ah, I'm half Maronite, half Canadian-Scottish, so I'm in the same boat as looks with you :D
Well, if you want to get technical, I'm Georgian, French, Armenian, Polish, and Russian.
Mixed always brings out the best features, eh? :D
I can see it now...
Fucking hell, I'm speculating the most RIDICULOUS shit.
Give us specifics sir
Well, I'm worried about sounding stupid, but then again, I AM technically Anonymous here.
Okay, so here's the thing. I'm worried she's just getting close to me to be kind to me. As in, not like me like me, but like me because she should (being my dad's student and whatnot). She and I share some interests, I make her laugh sometimes, she tells me things about her, I tell her things about mine. We have lunch sometimes, which is good because it led us to being closer. I'm thinking I have some sort of effect on her, because when I first got to know her, she was more eager to see me than I was to see her. I am wondering if she actually had a crush on me or what, since she was the first to ask me out to have lunch (way to go, Mr. Gentleman). She seems to have some sort of interest in me from the beginning. It was really surprising.
As you said yourself, you're overthinking this. Relax, relax, relax. She might really be getting close to you just to be kind to you, but I can't say whether or not she is without having actually seen her myself. Either way, just go for her without worrying about what she thinks of you right now. Get closer to her, talk about more personal things. Touch her more often, even if it's just being playful. Draw her closer to you and then when the time is ripe, ask her out!
...Like I said earlier, I already think she agreed to be my girlfriend. I think I said it in my earlier post??
(Can't check, at work. Thanks for the reply.)
>>34 I think you said in a previous post you kissed her?
I think that steps beyond the line of just being nice.
I don't think she's a hoe.
I think she does like me...
GREAT SUCCESS!!! So we went to the movies, we saw Fantastic Four, (was boring, but we watched through the whole thing.) After we watched it, we walked around Ginza for about 20 or so minutes, till we decided to go to Ikebukuro and have something to eat there. Before we got into the station, I got another kiss... which led to more kisses later. On the train, I busted out with the iPod and we started listening to what I had on it. I didn't know what she likes, so we just started listening to Wu-Tang and De La Soul. I made her say "Posdanuos" and "Ghostface Killah" which just turned me on even more. (Rappers from De La Soul and Wu-Tang, respectively)
Huh. Only good thread on the front page and no one gives a damn.
Congratulations! Another /love/ success story. A perfectly normal and healthy success in relationship for once! It sounds like you really know how to handle your stuff. If I didn't have a wonderful girlfriend, I would be insanely jealous of you right now.
That Uncomfortable Silences one is pretty good, it's interesting to read. Good advice, too. Sure came in handy :)
>It sounds like you really know how to handle your stuff.
Ah, okay. Yeah, no I don't play that shit no more.
Okay, /love/... I keep thinking that this girl likes me only because of my connections with people who can help her achieve her dream some. But, you know... I keep going to conclusions about things. I have assumed some crazy shit. I keep thinking she is only agreeing to go ahead with me with what I do because she is worried about losing her connection to her teacher. I have to brag: he is considered one of the best in his profession. And since she knows this, she might see it as a meal ticket in order to achieve higher status in her dreams. She will use me in order to get closer, and then maintain or improve her connections to the teacher (my father.) She will keep using me for that purpose and give her a one-up above the other students. The other idea I have is that she is agreeing to go along with me because she might think that if she refuses that my father will stop giving her lessons, which will upset her because my father is pretty high in demand here. It seems like she is doing this out of no choice, or whatever.
See, that's exactly my point.
I overcomplicated this to a point of just plain ridiculousness.
Anyone think I am thinking too fast too much too soon?
Comments are very much appreciated.
The only way you'll know the answers to many of those questions is by asking her. Of course you can't say, "oh hay whats up anyway so are you just liking me to get ahead?", but still.
Paranoia is bad, but naive and blind trust in the golden motives of another is probably worse.
>The only way you'll know the answers to many of those questions is by asking her.
Quit thinking so negatively and stop making defeatist assumptions.
Enjoy being with her. Hell, if you find out 100% that her feelings aren't genuine, suck it up and move on to another girl.
Maybe you're still thinking too much.
I don't know whether she has to message you or you should message her. Anyone else?
If you're feeling up to it, ask if you can see her again next week or what/whenever in that message or one a little bit after it.
I will ask her whenever I want to, I'm just curious as to why she hasn't messaged me ever since the date. Shouldn't she message me and be like "Saturday was fun" or whatever? Is this nothing to stress over? She called my dad to book a lesson but she hasn't contacted me yet. Little details that have no real value, amirite??
You're reading too much into things, you realize it, but you're not doing anything about it. Relax, if she didn't have a good time or something just not messaging you wouldn't be the way she'd express it.
I love the schizophrenia in these two successive posts. Calm the fuck down, man. If you keep reading into these little things you're just going to get hurt.
Thank you all. I realized that there is something that I must work on myself. It is me. I am going to find peace within myself, and get to the root of the problem. This is going to be the ultimate reset button for me. I thank you, Anonymous, for your posts and support. I also thank you for the advice I get from all of you.
Actually, that's just how I would have expressed it.
If there's nothing definite between me and the guy, then I'd just let it pass. Distance myself away etc. I mean, if the guy was a jerk, then I'd probably give him a piece of my mind. But if it risks jeopardising our friendship unnecessarily, then I wouldn't see the point of it if I wasn't interested in him.
Sweet. I got tongue today.
XDXD Good job man!!
How long does it take for a relationship to get more serious, usually?
depends on how much time you spend together
I don't want to discourage you, OP, but aren't you moving a little fast?
To be honest, I think so, too.
However, I'm the one who is moving ahead.
I wonder why she's so down with it.
Wait, just to make things clear, we didn't have sex.
Here's what happened.
yesterday, we went to see Munch's exhibition at the Tokyo Museum of Western Art. After that, we made out a bit in a nearby forest. We were walking for a while, until we decided to go to Ikebukuro (again) and eat some okonomiyaki, which I was glad we did. After thaaaaat, we went to a park. There things slowly got more heated up. After making out for a while, I started kissing her neck. More and more, I moved forward, until I started licking the top of her nipple area. Things got more and more heavy, then i took her to a more remote area of the woods. And that's where I licked both of her nipples and fingered her. This went on for about half an hour. We made out a lot yesterday.
>>66 a serious relationship starts after lovey-dovey dreamland, continuous 5 times a day sex, became twice a week that when it starts because that when people start thinking about serious relationship but in lovey-dovey time people are normally blinded by Love, so as human nature people put on act and we hide our real selves,
How, no wait, WHY would I cheat on her??
We confessed to each other yesterday, and when she said "I love you", things took a turn for the heavier.
you are judging her vagina saying it smell like sweat, avoid it by not smelling her vagina even after touching it just not smell it, never never judge woman body even the vagina, once you start you'll not stop.
you and you girlfriend are at lovey-dovey stage, where the only thing you like about each other is getting sex from each other, you blinded by sex, when you hit reality, it would be good to hear what you think.
Ah, no. I just described what it smelled like, LOL.
Sorry, I didn't mean to degrade her so much. I'm a very curious person IRL.
I read almost every post here. I must say, this is probably the encouragement I need and it contains a gold mine of wealth. I thank you. bows awkwardly
BOW WITH PRIDE, DAMN YOU.
HAVE SOME CONFIDENCE AND SOME ARROGANCE.
Truth be told, that's what got me ahead :)
Yeah, I'm confident, it's just that that was a way of thanking you I haven't done in a while.
Should I be wary of how soon this is happening, really?
I mean, she doesn't even know I'm a virgin.
I wouldn't say it matters how soon it's happening, but I would highly recommend you let her know that you are a virgin. Basically because then she will understand if you are a bit timid/unsure rather than just thinking you are a prude and wanting to move onto somebody more sexual.
Well, I am a bit unsure.
I mean, last Sunday, we were both raring to go. But since she didn't have enough time, we didn't do much except for what we did at the park. I was in the heat of the moment, but I had way too many thoughts at the time too (irrelevant to what was going on. I was thinking WOW I'M ACTUALLY DOING THIS-RIGHT HERE-INTHISPARK- TODAY - SKY LOOKS NICE - THAT BUILDING IS PRETTY - THAT GUY BEHIND US IS ANNOYING [he didnt see us, I think]). Now, I'm just plain nervous. I mean, I'm confident that the sex will be good, but I really have no idea why I'm so worried.
Update: Seems that she hasn't ever gone through with sex?
What the fuck? She stopped halfway or something, I don't get it.
Why? Oh well, I just messaged her and told her she was probably scared. I didn't know how else to respond to it.
Guys, I'm getting nervous. Advais?
More: She's scared of pregnancy.
"There are no such things as condoms in Japan!"
Well, the number one sure method of not getting pregnant is to not have sex at all. It's a good precaution to NOT have sex. But if sex is all you are after, plenty of other girls around that'll give it easier. Otherwise, respect her wishes. Plenty of other ways to get off. Anal, oral. etc.
I'm not going to force her into anything. She's just scared of getting pregnant. And I've gone without sex for so long, what's a longer wait? I'm already grateful for what I have. I didn't get with her for the sex (although she does turn me on, usually).
Plus, she'd be my first time. I'm sure this will be worth it.
Let her know that you are a virgin, that'll help with any nervous conversations about sex where you aren't quite sure what to say.
She already knows, so it's all good. All she did was just smile more and touch my face like I'm DARLING, AWWWW.
So, any advice for a beginner? I want to rock her world.
make sure u know where her clit is beforehand, so u arent funbling around and staring at her face for a reaction when ur actually doing it.
Ask her to show you/guide you as to what feels good, where to touch and where not to etc etc. Some girls just lay there like a sack of potatos, makes it harder for you because you have no clue what she wants. Communication is good.
well when I was with my gf I would first start off just with kissing and then possibly caress her stomach with my lips and work my way up to her tits. also if you kiss down her back along the spine (it might be ticklish for her) but she will be turned on by it (also try along the shoulders and neck). all this doesnt have to be just kissing, you can use your hands but it seems she gets more out of it if you kiss there. basically tease her and she will be begging for it. just have to know where the most erogenous zones are for a woman.
condoms! do LOTS of foreplay, explore her body find her "V' and dont mistake them with the bunghole. show that you care for her, not just wanted to f**k her. ask how she felt, talk romantic stuff. compliment her a lot.
and for the love of god, dont forget to take shower, brush your teeth and groom yourself a little bit.
Well, Anonymous... this is it.
Thanks to all that have helped me, trolled, criticized, supported, encouraged, and of course read my thread. Wish me luck and no leaks!
I noticed that about Japanese condoms too. I'm not even especially large and it was a tight fit. (Next time I take over a supply if I'm planning to do anything.)
IF IT'S NOT ONE THING, IT'S ANOTHER.
I CAN NEVER GET A FUCKING BREAK!
WHEN DO I GET MINE, HUH?!
no offense, but this isnt the personal issues board.
An elaborate 100 post troll? Or THE GREATEST /LOVE/ THREAD EVER? Either way, this is brilliant. I love it. I'm eating up every second of it. Who needs TV when you have /love/?
Fine. This is going there.
Hay /love/, OP here.
I have an update on us.
At the risk of making generalizations, Japanese tend to have a strong sense of shame. It is possible that the shame is now haunting her; despite our progressive society, it is possible that she now feels guilty about dating you, possibly because she's your dad's student, or because she's worried about other people's approval of your relationship. This would explain her dislike about you two being touchy-feely in public.
Never mind, found out.
**P**ublic **D**isplay(s) of **A**ffection.
aww, crap. Bold apparently doesn't work, or I must have done it wrong... facepalms I apologize.
I think you're getting too far ahead of yourself. There's no break-up until you're actually broken-up.
True. I might just be jumping the gun as usual.
If you can get through this without breaking up, it will make your relationship stronger. But if you're assuming already that you're going to be breaking up, you're only making things worse for both of you. You need to fight if you want to keep this relationship alive.
Hey, guys. Thanks for all the help.
I come to you today to tell you that I am thinking of separating with her. I've been thinking. She's 23, she already finished university, and now works in Yamaha 2 hours away from her house. I am 19, and am currently thinking about the future. I think we should separate and go our own ways. She has to find someone more stable. She's working everyday, helping out her family, with a deadbeat dad. She told me that if her mom gets sick, she must die because they have no money for the medicine and surgery, were it to happen. Also, since because she is a pianist, she should at least get her Doctor's in order to have a more stable future, which she currently can't because of money restraints and troubles. She's working with her sisters in order to keep some balance in the house. I feel she should go to the final school and get the master's. I don't know if I should continue this relationship in order for her to find someone who can support her well. I can't help her any bit, other than going to her concerts and competitions. She told me she's worried about her future. I don't want to hold her back, so I might let her go.