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Wedding jitters or just wrong person? (13)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-21 09:07 ID:tYqiJqI0

I have a fiance and I am not sure if I am in love him. I have no desire to see other men or any of that, this man feels right for me but deep inside something is amiss. Yet, he is so sure of me and the things he says about how I am perfect and how I will make a most wonderful wife. I make him happy and he's in love with me. I find his love suffocating and overpowering like an overly strong perfume. It is sweet but it makes me sick in a way.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-21 14:28 ID:4Hi+OiJP

I think he can't make you happy, because you don't allow him to,... And the only way to allow him to make you happy is to open yourself to him.

Speak about what's really going on in your mind, your troubles, fears, confusions. He may not be able to solve them, but at least he can comfort you and share the load with you. The way you are behaving now builds a wall between both of you, where lies, misunderstandings are allowed to accumulate.

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3 Name: Kurono : 2007-11-21 14:47 ID:V0hH5vSi

I agree with >>2. If things continue on like this everything will be a wreck. You should talk to him and get it off your chest. Not confronting won't do anything but make matters worse. I suggest telling him everything that is on your mind. If worse comes to worse, tell him you need a break to re-evaulate your relationship and yourself and see where you stand. Yor fiance seems like a really caring person and it wouldn't be fair to let this go on. Hopefully you can love him again and if you can't after trying everything you can, then sadly you might have to leave him, as much as you don't want to hurt him.

4 Name: anonym : 2007-11-21 18:14 ID:SZdu0ELV

If you feel so you should finally clear all and talk. My fiance and me just cleard some days ago an important thing and finally I can love complete as he loves me.
It's unfair of you to act the "healthy relationship".. as longer you act as more you will hurt him. Talk with him and don't be too spoilt. It's not easy to find a man who truely loves a girl so much.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-21 19:39 ID:/8X70zcW

Talk to him about your problems, so you can find the right solution together. You sound like you are going into this marriage because you want to make somebody else happy rather than yourself, and that could cause major emotional problems later on down the road (feeling trapped etc)

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-22 00:11 ID:m1+gwNRC

Please, please resolve this before you go any further with a wedding!
It's better for him if you end it now than wait until he's standing alone at the altar.

> He'll ask what is wrong and I say "nothing" like a typical woman when really I want to cry and say that something is not right with this.
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7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-22 00:23 ID:jTvGu1Uu

OP how many relationships did you have until you were engaged?

8 Name: OP : 2007-11-22 04:40 ID:tYqiJqI0

Thank you for the replies everyone!

>>7, This is my first real relationship but he has had various ones and is a bit older. I have always been relationship phobic, running away from the men that I got close to or those that fell for me. This is the first man I have let get close to me and remain with.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-24 11:26 ID:mBlQi0DG

What is it you want, OP? Would you prefer a rough, irresponsible guy who has wild hair, drinks and acts like a badass? Because it sounds like you're taking a good soul for granted.

Why do women desire to be undesired? If your fiancee wasn't so head-over-heels in love with you, everything would be fine, right? It's just because he loves you so much, the commitment is scaring you. Maybe you don't have enough character to handle someone caring about you that deeply. Are you skittish?

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10 Name: OP : 2007-11-24 16:29 ID:tYqiJqI0

We talked long and hard about this the past two nights. The problem was not him but me, and we are making small steps to make this better and both of us are confident that I can be happy and okay. At first he thought I had depression after telling him my feelings of all of this, but that is not the case. I have these ideals of what perfection is and our relationship was perfect for him but not for me as I was agreeing with everything he said, hiding my feelings, not having any opinion, I wanted to be like a stepford wife and it was making me crazy and giving me a trapped feeling. I certainly don't plan on becoming a lazy slag, but I know that trying to do it all is too hard for me and it isn't going to make me happy.

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11 Name: 43 : 2007-11-24 22:28 ID:S4s5Xifx

Don't push yourself into loving someone. I don't think it is actually feasible. If you get married to him in this situation eventually you'll reach your own limit and it'll be the same as if you hadn't married him. Even worst if you have had children by then.

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12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-25 03:26 ID:EJvFGGMY

you need time away from him to assess your true feelings and what will make you happy. go on holiday or something.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-11-26 09:38 ID:lTbREDlz


Good job on working things out with him, and have fun at your wedding.:)