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Help dealing with relationship fear. (4)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-01 07:44 ID:Bls6ieae

I'm sure a lot of people understand what it's like to fear commitment, but that's not exactly the case with me. :/

My last relationship was for about a year and a half. He was controlling to a point where he had an issue with every friend I'd ever had. Jealous, even, of people I had previous crushes on (long before I'd met him). I lost a lot of friends, and kept the ones closest to me a secret from him. He'd pick fights with me about small things, and blame me for everything else. Numerous times he called me an idiot, a bitch, and generally made me feel useless.

Anyway, sooner or later he was getting naked photos from a close friend of his. He used them to humiliate her and put the blame on me. Saying I put him up to it and forced him to do it. That caused a lot of people to hate me I got up the guts to break up with him, and sever all ties.

I know this is long, so I'm getting to the point. <__<;

I've recently met this great guy who is willing to wait however long for me to get over this fear. He doesn't quite understand, but he tries to help me anyway. I seem to have caused a lot of frustration though and I feel extremely guilty.

I'm scared the same thing will happen. I didn't trust people, specifically men, before my previous relationship anyway. And that built up even more distrust in me. :/

I can't seem to get over this fear, and I can barely speak my feelings most of the time. When people ask certain questions I simply ignore it and them. Trying to just spit out what I want to say doesn't work, because my thoughts get all jumbled up and I don't know what to think. I don't want to just jump into something with this guy that I have a lot of feelings for, because our friendship in the past has been rocky (I've known him for a lot longer than I knew my ex.)

Am confusing even my self now. <__< Suggestions on what I should do?