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Long Distance Relationships (32)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-11 11:59 ID:XV49IP3M

Do you think LDRs work?

Would you get into one for an extended period of time, say 3-4 years?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-11 12:43 ID:pWQK+KVr

I've been in one for 10 years, and we even married last year, despite still not living together,... So I would say that LDRs can work, but this requires some conditions. As far as I can see in decreasing order of importance:

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3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-11 13:07 ID:9qRTxzIY

Depends on the person, the distance, your age/maturity (I'm 27), and how well you know them;

I recently got out of a (messedup) relationship with someone just under 2 hours away;

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4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-11 15:23 ID:Heaven

LDR, sounds like some sort of STD.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-11 16:35 ID:Heaven

I don't know if they ever work, but I definitely wouldn't want to try it out, myself.

Personally, it just seems pointless to build an intimate relationship when you can't get intimate.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-11 17:05 ID:pWQK+KVr

>> Personally, it just seems pointless to build an intimate relationship when you can't get intimate.

I don't see why a long distance relationship prevents you from getting intimate.

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7 Name: lil' fox : 2007-12-12 03:15 ID:Wu6Gf0/f

Well, I'm trying mine now. We'll see (she says) what happens.


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8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-12 03:16 ID:Heaven


That's precisely what I meant.
As for myself, I need and enjoy routine.

9 Name: lil' fox : 2007-12-12 03:23 ID:Wu6Gf0/f

Anyhow, I'll wait her. :)

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-12 09:09 ID:pWQK+KVr


I'm 30

11 Name: lil' fox : 2007-12-12 14:12 ID:Cbl3iloF


I think you catch the main thing. I'm happy for you both.

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12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-13 13:29 ID:KXMNH7y8

assuming one party is going overseas to study, i'd feel that it'll be agonising and torturous for the party left behind.

while the one going can look forward to experiencing new culture and the whole overseas experience, its kinda unfair to the one left behind...

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-13 16:24 ID:pWQK+KVr


Nothing prevents the other one to also go abroad, even if it's not the same place.

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14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-13 23:10 ID:IjchnxL1

> Nothing prevents the other one to also go abroad,

In no way is this necessarily true: job, schooling, family, illness, the law, etc can all prevent following an SO out of town/country/continent.

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15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-14 01:31 ID:4Hxb7EPn

>> If there is no reason not to follow, then a long distance relationship shouldn't be of a matter of discussion if there's nothing stopping the move.

Please read again,... it's obvious that if people could be together, there wouldn't be a problem in the first place.

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16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-14 18:40 ID:CMTqWj9z

i think its important to consider the reason the one who leaves is leaving.

is he/she forced? for eg. his/her family is from another country and they wanna move back.

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17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-14 20:22 ID:IjchnxL1

> What I object is to consider that the one who leaves is automatically the selfish one.

Well, I never implied or assumed any selfishness on part of either imaginary fictional persons that I was referring to.

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18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-14 21:05 ID:Cn8BHVkV


You don't like the word selfish, but you still speak about fairness. That's fine for me (you tell me how fairness is more objective than selfishness), just replace the word selfish by unfair in my post, and the same thing holds.

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19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-15 00:24 ID:Heaven

> You don't like the word selfish, but you still speak about fairness.
> tell me how fairness is more objective than selfishness
> I don't think I will manage to make you understand this
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20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-15 00:44 ID:Cn8BHVkV


Oh well,...

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21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-15 04:45 ID:Heaven

> the poor dumb person you seem to think I am.

I don't know where you're getting this, why you keep trying to argue with me, or what side of this non-argument I'm even on.
Sorry, I'm not going to keep this up.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-21 13:21 ID:JrJEpbhx

my girlfriend is likely to be going overseas for at least 3 years to study.

i don't want her to leave. and its killing me cos she's going just for 'the experience'. i mean you can get that in student exchange programmes and during post graduate studies! why do you have to go now?!

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-21 14:47 ID:pWQK+KVr


How would going later improve the situation?

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24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-21 16:09 ID:YrqwoJ2y


nah in fact its the reverse. your basic degree doesn't matter that much if you get a masters.

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25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-21 16:45 ID:pWQK+KVr


So what does she reply to that?

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-22 05:16 ID:MmuHhxv3


she's considering. as of now she's still undecided but i get a hunch she's leaning towards leaving. doesn't help that her parents are encouraging her to go.

27 Name: Crono!kFPAei.QRk : 2007-12-27 08:11 ID:ZpSsBbWQ

Hello, I noticed this is a thread about Long Distant Relationships. I am not sure if anyone comes back to this thread but I need help.
I love someone, yet I have never met them in real life. I met them online, so it goes through there. I have talked to her for more than 4 years and I cannot stop thinking about her. I cannot find any way to convince her to start a relationship online because she wants to meet me in real life and to see me first. I don't have a job nor money to go to her. I wish I did. I am hopeless.

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28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-27 09:40 ID:CMTqWj9z


man this is a tough one.

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29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-27 09:41 ID:KmlO2zyD

OP here.

I've found good logical reasons on why my girlfriend should not go overseas. Absolutely honestly, the reasons are purely rational and logical - if she went overseas, she might be jeopardising her educational future and hence her whole life.

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30 Name: Crono!kFPAei.QRk : 2007-12-28 05:52 ID:ZpSsBbWQ


Money? is that it? I don't know if I could probably convince her without seeing her. I just want to be with her. This is hard.

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-28 06:55 ID:Heaven

I fail at LDRs, I guess it's not just for me.

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-28 17:38 ID:Oz47qBmG

I don't see how any long term (read: more than one year) LDR or any LDR that's gonna last longer than the amount of time already spent together's (for eg. going into a 3 yr LDR after a 'normal' r/s of 1 yr) gonna work. Seriously. It's gonna be pure agonizing torture with only a slim chance of success if any.