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How do I ask a friend out? (11)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-18 02:52 ID:n9mmjAkA

I've been good friends with a girl for a while now and we do nonintimate things alone that people dating would do but I want it to be more intimate. How can I explain this without losing our friendship if I am rejected or do you think she already would be ok with doing more intimate things without me asking (if she was perceptive I'd think she already knew I was attracted towards her)? I am a male and a freshman in college. Any advice from females especially would be good.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-18 03:27 ID:+D4v6ZbN

Be gentle about it. Try to wait for a moment when she seems like she wants to hear what you have to say. Also, talk about how having feelings for her, instead of cutting to main point right off the bat. You don't want to seem callous, so give her a chance to say what she feels.

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3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-18 09:12 ID:xAkflxJ4

I think there's a golden rule:

Never confess to her.

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4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-18 21:26 ID:FZK/do0u

(I'm a girl, by the way ☆)
I think that you should offhandedly (but not too much so) mention your feelings for her. If you make a big deal out of asking her out for a real date, it will make her feel really horrible if she wants to reject you, and that will put a strain later on your relationship.
If you ask her cooly to go somewhere with you (but definately specify that it's a date and not just an outing-- a misunderstanding between terminology would be awful!) then she will feel less pressured, not only because she's talking to you as a friend, but also because it will make her feel like your entire life isn't based on her answer (even if it might be). Her answer will be more honest and less impulsive that way.

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5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-18 23:23 ID:qkJDCMYh

Just take small steps, just feel and sense instead of over-analyzing. If you have really good contact with eachother, you can mention it offhandedly, like >>4 said, but don't come on too hard.

And remember to tell us the story afterwards, be it good or bad =)

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-19 21:10 ID:ml/AySgW

Sorry to break it but you did this all backwards. You get in a relationship first, then you can be friends. So stop being her friend and start acting like a romantic interest. That means,

1) Not answering her every beck and call.

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7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-19 23:21 ID:v1ycpEL7

"Hey Hotaru, how do I ask out a girl who's a friend but not my girlfriend?"


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8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-19 23:24 ID:v1ycpEL7

One other thing:

Could someone explain this "confessing your love" spiel to me?

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9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-19 23:49 ID:FZK/do0u

It's just not something that's really accepted in most societies. Yeah, some people do it, but it's more common just to hide it. It shouldn't really be a big deal, but it is.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-20 13:40 ID:V7Cfw0Dj

i dunno what's up with your girl but if it were me i wouldn't give a damn about my family dinner...c'mon its just food!

11 Name: : 2007-12-21 09:59 ID:Heaven

Things are different when your granny is into voodoo, man.