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having a family-oriented gf (8)

1 Name: disgruntled : 2007-12-18 15:19 ID:bKXU/Uh8

my girlfriend's a very family oriented girl and that's cool. but sometimes it really gets on my nerves.

like when her family suddenly decides to take a trip outta town which she HAS to go for when i've planned months in advance to spend that period of time with her. i ended up having to cancel my leave from work which i applied for which left my boss pretty grumpy.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-18 16:32 ID:kuV0Si8y

I guess you'll need to re-negociate your compromises, if you find the current situation hard to bear,...

I guess the most annoying is the canceled leave, which seems quite disrespectful. You should probably have a serious conversation about it, because I guess there's a lot under the surface to explain that.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-18 17:54 ID:8VE0/WOR

it sounds like a cultural difference. if that's bothering you, you guys should talk about it but keep in mind that your values and hers may be different. espeically if she comes from a much more eastern/collectivist culture either being raised in a very traditional family or she grew up there. Here in the west, autonomy is of the biggest value but there the greatest value is that of community. What's important is the group and harmony and one puts their own wants after those of the family.

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4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-18 23:27 ID:7FThNMk8

I'm a guy with parents from Eastern Europe, living in a Western society, and I really recognize the things >>3 speaks about, although neither me nor my sister fully get along with our parents' demands, we complain quite a lot, with some results.

5 Name: disgruntled : 2007-12-19 15:02 ID:leqhtLDF

today she stayed out late (by her standards) with me and didn't eat with her family. but she informed her parents beforehand and they didn't give her trouble about it.

but she's still insisting on eating at home the next time we go out on a weekday!

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6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-19 15:26 ID:kuV0Si8y

I think you'd better notice the improvements, and encourage her on those lines. It's normal to be frustrated, but give her a positive reason to make an effort, not only a negative one,...

7 Name: disgruntled : 2007-12-19 15:29 ID:0s26pjGA


you have a point there dude/dudette. so should i say something like, 'i appreciate you staying out late yesterday though you might've made your mom angry for not going back for dinner'?

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2007-12-19 15:38 ID:kuV0Si8y


Yep, that's more the spirit of it,... although I would not insist too much on the angry mother (scary mental picture), but rather on the issue of balancing your priorities (after all, if you are dating, you should be an important person for her, and even more so if she's family oriented).

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