Return - Entire thread - Last 10 posts

Joking about our relationship... (2)


2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-04 21:06 ID:+GzqJCu+

Your attitude seems pretty reasonable, although of course we are only hearing your side of the story. Which does not mean that I don't believe you,...

I guess there are several problems wrapped in one big knot: you and your boyfriend don't seem to be able to keep a rational discution under stress because both of you get too emotive, and resort to agressiveness and mutual attacks. I think you are right that the best approach when this happens is to step down, and stop speaking until both are relaxe, AND THEN resume talking about it, instead of pushing the issue under the rug.

I understand that he feels the need to joke about the relationship, it's his way of managing anxiety. I also understand that you find that hurtful. I think you need to pick a moment where both of you are relax, and explain to him that you understand why he jokes (to repeal anxiety about that issue), and that he also needs to understand what you feel. Importantly, even if he feels that such jokes should not be taken seriously, the fact is that they hurt you, and this is reason enough for him to be more cautious about it. On the other hand, even if you manage to convince him of that, don't expect him to change his behaviour completely. Joking about stressful things is an effective defense mechanism that is not easily given up, even if one wants to (another counter productive strategy is to verbally assault the other). I know this well, I have the same problem with my wife! She has been telling me pretty much what you explained for ages, and I understand her, but it's not always easy to avoid it,...