My best friend is female, she has boyfriend and I'm happy for her, but one thing
really bothers me. She always says to me something like, "You'll find someone who
likes you just like you are."
You are what is commonly referred to as this woman's "gay best friend". That alone should tell you something about yourself. This means you're interesting, funny, a laugh to be around and a caring, understanding friend. It also means that most normal women wouldn't let your genetic material (or its delivery system) within several meters.
>>2 hahaha he's right, the main reason i dumped most of my female friends as they kept bitching about their problems..but meh i wasn't into them so i saw NO REASON to keep em around. If you are into a chick, please don't be the sissy 'i'm nice guy friend', just get to the point. ask her out, if she says "no" remove her from your list/msn whatever.
>BUT if you do meet that special one (which doesn't come very often), threat her well but do not fall into the friend zone or you are fucked (it's not like the goddamn movies where the nerd/best friend gets lucky at the end)
>>2 Big true and great post, made me laugh loud.
Duke Nukem Forever will be released before "being yourself" gets a girl to like you.
The fact is, we NEED to put up fronts and acts, change the way we talk and think, just to get positive attention from the opposite sex. Once you've got an established relationship, you can gradually introduce the person to your more basic self, in hopes of not shocking them away.
>>2>>7 agreed. there is no such thing as a male being just friends with a female. it may look like that on the outside but we all know the only reason they hang around the female is because there is the slightest chance that they could get a fuck out of it. the female views this differently however. females honestly believe that the male is there for their personal use and that the male actually cares for them.. yes, women of you as an object, and are indeed inferior when it comes to common sense; all us males know that.
Well, thanks for "useful" advice, to most of you. In nutshell, you guys suggest that.
>>13 yes dont you get it?? women love assholes!! why do you think that it is that everywhere you look you see dumb whores with even worse boyfriends? why do we have the saying "nice guys finish last"? hate to break it to you brother, but it is true.
Listen, dont listen to these morons on here.
There is some truth in what they say but its not all right. The main thing that they are missing is the common sense to NOT be a jackass which is what makes them assholes.
I'll stick with my principles, even if I must finish my days alone.
And I'll be happy having lived a good man. It might be hard sometimes, but it's what life is after all.
That's what I meant.
As I don't care that much about sex (read: meaningless sex = blah), I'll stick to my path wherever it takes me - loneliness, or a great relationship (or, well, more than one, life isn't that short after all).
to be honest, you need to be a bit of a jackass as well as a nice guy for a girl to even contemplate seeing you in 'that' sort of light. recently a friend of mine started seeing this guy who was, according to her, the nicest guy a girl could meet, a real sweetie, and yet after a few weeks of dating she became bored and ended up sleeping with his best friend, who she originally thought was an arrogant asshole.
You still don't get it.
It's not about being an asshole. It's about NOT being a pathetic doormat. Women want confident, aggressive men. You can be friends with women, but you can't EVER let them forget that you are a MAN. And to do that you have to have a little bluster, you have to have a little edge.
Stopped reading there. I can't take anyone who tries to apply concepts from wolves' social behavior, who have completely different behavioral patterns than humans, seriously.
It's an analogy more than anything. But the truth is that women are attracted to men with dominant/confidant personalities.
as a woman, I can tell you that although it's true that a lot of girls are attracted to the 'alpha male' type, they don't dream of long-term relationships with them. in the long term it's better to be the nice guy than the aggressive guy, >>21, as women look for a man who they feel completely comfortable with, who make them laugh and who are confident and at ease with themselves. being the nice guy is not neutering yourself. most intelligent, self-respecting women are interested in ATTENTIVE, kind men.
Yeah, confidence / personality is a very big thing, a small bit of charm counts too. But I think there's more to it than that.
(Speaking from experience I was once someone who was once hopeless with girls)
> She always says to me something like, "You'll find someone who
"The only thing I have to add is that in order for someone else to find you and your life good enough to be a part of, you need to learn how to be your own man first."
> The only thing I have to add is that in order for someone else to find you and your life good enough to be a part of, you need to learn how to be your own man first.
Quoted for Truth.
well, if you want to twist my words like that because you are a cynical bastard who got rejected a few too many times (I wouldn't be surprised, with that attitude) that's okay.
>treat your partner the way you would want to be treated
Sorry about that, I didn't understand the dynamic of your friendship, It was just a generalisation, but it's typical of people in that situation (I'm sure you wouldn't deny that you've seen it yourself with other people from time to time).
BAWWWWW SINGLE WHITE MIDDLE CLASS MEN ARE SO OPPRESSED
pfft, you think YOU got it bad? try growing up in CHINA. christ, what's the male-female ratio there? like i think there are 70 million more men than women (don't quote me on that, it just sounded familiar) not to mention mandatory military service.
The truth lies somewhere between being a nice guy and being an asshole. I know I like someone relatively attractive and fun who I know is able to defend me if worst comes to worst. A lot of what I get out of being with a guy is the sensation of being smaller. Don't completely emasculate yourself, allow yourself to be bored and change the subject when she bitches about life with you, but be there for here if something big comes up.
Good comments, thanks people.
I have another question. About, let's just say, psychological issue (probably it's that).
I think it points to nothing in particular, I've even felt like that when I'm not in a relationship from time to time, it's perfectly normal. I suppose I'm as happy to be single as I am to be in a relationship, in fact I'm engaged and I can tell you long to be single from time to time.
My ex's "gay friend" is the one she got drugs from. He's also the one whose house she would spend the night at. He's also the one that would get drunk with her. And he was 3 years younger than her.
I date because I find it enjoyable, and there are certain people I want to have something closer than a friendship with. I like some amount of commitment, I like someone there for me, but I don't like it when dates become these boring hours spent with the guy telling me "I love you so much, you're so beautiful, I'm only happy when you're around." That's a huge amount of pressure on me, since I have a lot of friends who I enjoy spending time with without a boyfriend around.
That's not dating. That's someone being waaaaaaaay too attached.
Oh, it was dating. It was just dating with none of the benefits, because his clinginess killed any attraction to him, so I remained a virgin through the whole time. Back when I was still really into dating him, he moved way too slowly about the whole thing... which in and of itself was a huge turn-off. He was into "respecting my boundaries," which is all very well and good, but I would have loved it if he'd pushed a little harder to discover where those boundaries were. ;_;
Yes, but it's often extremely difficult to discern what the boundaries are, and thus the risk of inadvertently stepping over them is extremely high.