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Would it be it inappropriate for a girl to ask a boy out? (42)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 08:58 ID:9aavXcqH

I think the title pretty much explains itself. I'm interested in one of my male friends and he's made it clear that he may be interested too. We haven't really discussed dating yet - between the two of us or with other people. I know that the traditional thing would be to wait until he decides to ask me out, if he even will. I fear that taking the initiative might come off as to strong and be off-putting. In addition to that, both he and I are pretty traditional people in regards to gender roles.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 09:15 ID:ZwYrqbKV

not inappropriate

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 09:53 ID:bTcHjELS

Any man who is put off by a woman who speaks her mind is probably not the type who would be good in a relationship. I think asking him out is a fine idea.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 10:38 ID:g8Zwyb2c

I think you'd make his day.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 11:19 ID:srjDqw0E

It's a turn-on for me too.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 12:50 ID:2fsvsdO6

if i liked a girl and was too shy to do anything about it, having her ask ME out would probably be the best day of my life. because then i wouldnt feel so defensless and shy about the whole thing, knowing that she too feels the same way.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 13:46 ID:5C2TMAua

It would be the cutest thing ever

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 15:18 ID:Y0Njdf40

speaking as a guy...


9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 16:26 ID:Yc0Lu71Z

Awww, worried about rejection? Welcome to the men's world, where we face rejection at every step.

You can ask him out, but avoid using the word "date" or "going out", though it should still feel like one. Make sure it's you and him and you do something you both enjoy. The point is, you want him to realize it's a date without explicitly calling it a date.

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10 Name: The Provider : 2008-01-13 17:21 ID:k5IBDous

I'd say to go for it only because we have to do it all the time ourselves, and would KILL to have a girl do the asking out for once.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 18:51 ID:xbPRbV9F

I was going to say that girls have asked me out before, but then I realized it never happened - it has always been indirect, through friends. Well, I didn't say yes to any of them, but that's a totally different story.

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12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 21:31 ID:q/iXtT89

Do it.

> you want him to realize it's a date without explicitly calling it a date.
> preferably in a shy/cute manner
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13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 21:57 ID:xbPRbV9F

Yeah, you're right.
But if you don't like the girl, that might get really awkward, though. Although it might just give her the edge for you to actually consider it, when you think about it.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-13 23:43 ID:+1W5RSP6

When the time is ripe, be bold and go for it. I'll stand by you.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-16 18:04 ID:A8FnYu9q

I thought that the reason girls don't ask guys out is because of biology. That's kind of how it works in nature.

Most guys I know, including myself, will give you SO MANY points for doing this. So many that, even if we say "no", we won't be cruel about it, and will talk highly of you to our friends.

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16 Name: A. Nonimus : 2008-01-16 20:24 ID:NodAdJjS

No, not at all.
Go for it, if you have enough confidence.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-17 04:31 ID:u8g/LuJf

I much prefer it if girls ask me out because I'm a spineless faggot who would never summon the courage to do it myself.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-17 04:35 ID:ZDZeRE2r


19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-17 07:25 ID:Z+hKPVOr


20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-17 07:42 ID:Heaven


21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-17 12:36 ID:Heaven

I much prefer it if girls ask me out because that's what I find attractive.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-17 17:10 ID:T1WXf/TO

It's not inappropriate,... and it actually improves your chances of going out with the person you whish, so why not?

Now, like all people who decide to take the first step, you should mind the following:

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23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-18 03:25 ID:srjDqw0E

As a guy, if I received an actual confession I would probably blush and fidget. If I remotely liked the girl I would probably hug the girl so that I didn't fall over. If I didn't, I would apologise. If I wasn't sure, then I would say I'm not sure but that dating is okay in order to find out for sure.

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24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-18 03:57 ID:9aavXcqH

OP here,

Thanks for all of your advice. I really appreciate it.

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25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-18 04:27 ID:5C2TMAua

Taking shots at you? Please explain. How is he mean? Are you sure they are not joking around as guys would with their friends?

Me and mah boys "take shots" at eachother all the time, and laugh. It isn't hard to tell the difference between trying to be mean and just kidding, but I've noticed that girls sometimes have difficulties to understand this kind of bonding. So I don't know.

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26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-18 09:08 ID:9aavXcqH

Like I said, I'm introverted. I don't really like 'paling around' with people who I don't know well. He's the opposite; he likes hanging out with a lot of people at one time, and generally expects me to be comfortable in these situations.

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27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-18 10:45 ID:T1WXf/TO


Well,... If he's being rude to you, then I think you should forget about him. There needs to be some basic respect in a relationship.

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28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-18 12:41 ID:moM3vA/W

Again, I know I've been rude in situations when I don't feel comfortable. Him hanging with lots of friends and stuff doesn't mean he isn't shy at the core; and seriously, I've said things I didn't mean to say (on a tone I didn't mean to use) to girls, when I felt something I couldn't control. Not that I don't regret it.

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29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-01-18 14:32 ID:Heaven

tl;dr, but when I'm rude to chicks it's because I find them horribly repulsive and wish to hurt them.

30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-02 06:15 ID:CZL5T0zy

Yeah, like >>28 said, some people just aren't good expressing their feelings, and they start getting a bit nervous, trying to control the uncomfortableness in front of the other guys maybe.

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31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-02 09:58 ID:ZVtd+f+S

To >>1:

I can tell you through experience that it's ok to be the one on the's never "a guy has to ask a girl out." When I was a senior in high school, I had a huge liking for a girl that kinda didn't like me for a year. After a while, however, she was kind to me, talked to me on the phone for hours...and became fast friends...

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32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-02 14:45 ID:eLfpBjqN

No, it's not the "slut stigma", that's different.
It's because women fear rejection more then men. It tastes bad.

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-09 15:04 ID:PeaIqkeb

I've asked a guy out before. it actually worked really well. I say go for it. I know it's tough to build up the courage (took me months) but it's worth it in the end

34 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-10 11:47 ID:Heaven

Finally the cat is out of the bag.

35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-11 20:59 ID:Heaven


It's hard to know what kind of a friend he is by this.

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36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-20 07:22 ID:EgF/UQHx

men dont like getting rejected either. it sucks!

i wish a woman asked me out. even if i didnt like her, i would still think it was cute.

37 Name: 1 : 2008-02-20 08:49 ID:Heaven

OP here (again)

It's funny that you bring up the 'alpha-male' thing, because he's not at all like that in a private setting. He has told me a lot of private things before (his fears, his failings, things that upset him) that you wouldn't expect out of someone who would fit that stereotype. It's completely different in front of his friends though. I think that might be attributed to the fact that he's physically small (he's asian), so he feels the need to make up for that in his personality - which includes pushing people around. I guess that solidifies his position in the 'social hierarchy,' so to speak, since he can't beat people with fists.

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38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-20 12:56 ID:T1WXf/TO

>Many people claim that women have more power in the romantic/dating arena than men, ex: it has been said that a woman just has to be be fairly attractive to have her pick of men.

I think it's true that an attractive woman won't have difficulties in getting the interest of men, the most difficult part is to keep this interest on the long run.

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39 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-20 13:53 ID:Heaven

> I think it's true that an attractive woman won't have difficulties in getting the interest of men, the most difficult part is to keep this interest on the long run.

The trick is not to stop putting out.

40 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-21 01:24 ID:EgF/UQHx


and to shut their yapper and stay in the kitchen! >=|

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41 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-23 13:05 ID:euIfwAkM

Personal Experience: Male friend of mine, we had a small crush on each other early on in school but it fizzled. Few years later it happens again, a sort of re-spark of whatever was left. This time, an opportunity. There was an event at school I had to attend, and what would be better than to ask him to go, as friends, with a bunch of other "as friends" couples, right? It was intimidating, but other girls were in similar situations and that helped me get through it.

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42 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-03 10:01 ID:nF4dsquQ

Honestly as a older gentleman I would say that any lady with the guts to ask a guy out is a rarity indeed. Few women these days at least here in the western world (as convoluted and egocentric as it is) dare for such a bold approach. So my advise to you is if you truly like the guy go for it, the worst he can say is no and you will know either way.