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Big time questions... (74)


1 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-10 19:07 ID:bfGUBYhW

Ok, long story short... You may remember me from an earlier thread...

A girl contacted me online, and we quickly (about 2 weeks now) got really close... She's currently in a wheelchair until her leg fracture heals, and I can't see her for three weeks, and even then she's got to get a job again & a car... But she's become very hooked on me, and like, she opened up to me about some sensitive things... Very sensitive, and she hadn't trusted guys, that kind of thing, because of some abusive relationships in her past... Now, though, I'm starting to doubt that she's even terribly into the anime or gaming she claimed to be into when we met... She'd never done anything but emulate Nintendo or Super Nintendo... And when I've mentioned Anime names that I've watched, she never really goes into any detail on 'em... Now that she's been mentioning about going to church with her (I'm not religious), and that since her ex-relationship had her very religious, so now she wants to enjoy some drinking & smoking (she never told me she smoked, even occasionally!), now I'm starting to doubt whether I want to be with her compared to the potential of:

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2 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-10 19:12 ID:bfGUBYhW

So now I'm weighing the facts:

  1. Online Girl:
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3 Name: da PG king : 2008-02-10 22:19 ID:lSTnu0s4

It depends-

do you want a naughty girl, or do you want a techie girl.

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4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-11 13:35 ID:H6coN97e

>>1
>>2
Place more importance on yourself. Put your priorities first over something that shouldn't normally concern you as an outsider.

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5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-11 14:19 ID:YZ/KKtsD

All in all, it boils down to whom you you like the most and feel more comfortable with,...

Nevertheless, keep in mind that you will keep meeting new people even if you indeed go out with one of those girls, and the same type of questions will pop out again and again. At some point you just need to decide to commit to someone (if you are interested in long term relationships).

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6 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-11 16:47 ID:k7tcu2cH

OP here, with a 2-part significant update:

Thanks for the opinions, folks;

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7 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-11 16:47 ID:k7tcu2cH

Part 2:

I mentioned how that was part of my past problems (and it has been), rushing into things (and she's done her own fair share of that, with two marriages at a young age), and then feeling overwhelmed before I had the chance to slowly get to know somebody... I said that I had realized that this was the only way it could be, and that I wanted to be honest and not lead her on into thinking I could be Mr. Everything, and offer her more right now, especially after my family reminded me not to be rushing into things too quickly;

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8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-11 17:03 ID:YZ/KKtsD

Looks like you are doing fine, since you calmed down the horses without hurting her,...

Now just proceed normally, and really get to know her (as far as I understand, you haven't even met her, so there's no way you can be considered a couple).

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9 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-11 18:17 ID:k7tcu2cH

>>8
Thanks for reading the updates, and offering the reassurance;

You're absolutely right that I shouldn't have too many unrealistic expectations about her; I think what bothers me is that her profile (she met me through a dating site) said she was a non-smoker, yet only now do I find out that she smoked a lot before, even up to a couple weeks back... And would do so again occasionally, if her friends did.. It's not the cigarette that's a big deal, just the idea of me moving too fast when there could very well be other things being glossed over...

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10 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-11 20:15 ID:k7tcu2cH

OP Here again;

One more small followup question...
Considering I need to quickly establish if Girl#2 is indeed interested, to better layout my plans at this point, and wasn't just being friendly to a new person...

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11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-11 20:48 ID:YZ/KKtsD

  1. OnlineGirl: I think you probably need to be a bit more generous when you think about these things,... Which does not mean that you should not be demanding. One important point is that all your misgivings come from info that she let voluntarily float, and that is a good point for her.
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12 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-12 02:47 ID:ALAgVq+B

Thanks >>11, you make some very good points;
I've made made some decisions since then...

  1. I sent an e-mail to LocalGirl, asking if since she had mentioned if there was anything fun, to let her know, and mentioned going to a store, so we'll see if she replies...
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13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-12 06:24 ID:HYlsCB6D

>>12
You're making progress! Good luck!

14 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-12 10:20 ID:A/gmShdl

OP Here;
I'm not sure how great the progress really is:
I did successfully offended OnlineGirl, though not diasterously... She sent me two replies through the night, first a hurt one, then an apology, but that she was still dissapointed...

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15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-12 11:56 ID:dTpmezBU

Sounds like OnlineGirl is not a very good choice, even if nothing happens with the other girl. OnlineGirl has rushed into it and I think she sees that by rushing so much she's risked the relationship so now shes giving you the ultimatum of "other girls or just me" which is a bit ridiculous in this situation as the two of you haven't even met yet. She sounds like a nice enough girl but with her past and the way she has rushed you now, it's pretty likely that she'll keep on pushing hard when it turns into a proper relationship and if you keep telling her to slow down she could just give up on you because she wants somebody who falls in love as quickly as her.

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16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-12 13:20 ID:b2ZeZJB4

OnlineGirl behaves like an emotional parasite (it's a good thing you aren't attached to her!). Definitely "stay away from" material.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-12 14:18 ID:YZ/KKtsD

I'm not as pessimistic about OnlineGirl as other people,... on the contrary, I see plenty of good points. My suggested answer would go along these lines:

"I'm very sorry I hurt you, and I understand why you sent your first mail. That's also why I appreciate very much your second mail, which shows that you have the ability to cool off, and reach for the other person. That's important for a long term relationship.

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18 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-12 14:31 ID:k7tcu2cH

OP Here, thanks for the comments, while I want to give her a chance, especially since I contributed to leading her on, I also sense that emotional clingy-ness, and get leery of that, even if I haven't heard back from LocalGirl yet...

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19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-12 16:18 ID:Heaven

>>18
Put your foot down and make a decision!
Online or Local girl?!
The drama is killing us!

20 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-13 13:13 ID:k7tcu2cH

OP Here,
Well, sorry that I don't have a significant update yet on LocalGirl (though I will admittedly see her this week, which is good, as I suspect she doesn't yet check the e-mail I sent to)

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21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-13 16:56 ID:YZ/KKtsD

> I feel like she's deliberately forgetting the fact that I mentioned going out with someone else, not being committed yet, and glossing that over, saying that "we're on the right track again"...

I find your opinion pretty unfair to her. She did acknowledge that things would go much more progressively, and as far as I know did not forbid you to have contact with other girls. What are you expecting, that she spends her time commenting on your current "other girl" activities? Give her a break. She knows pretty well you're not committed, it does not mean she needs to spell it out every second phrase. Allow her to have a positive attitude without being accused of clingyness,...

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22 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-13 18:25 ID:k7tcu2cH

OP Here
Updates on both!!!

Part 1: OnlineGirl: Thanks for the advice, guys.. I do agree I was thinking a little unfairly... so I thought I'd send her a response that kept it not extremely committed, while confirming that yes, I agree that dating normally is good... I worked in some things >>17 said, thanks!

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23 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-13 18:28 ID:k7tcu2cH

CONTINUED:

Part 2: LocalGirl
Localgirl just e-mailed me, too, and I was right, she hadn't seen my message, yet!

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24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-13 21:02 ID:Heaven

tap dat ass son

25 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-13 22:15 ID:k7tcu2cH

OP Here,
Indeed, I'm meeting LocalGirl shortly, and she seems interested, so I'll update later tonight on where it went... Hope to get a better feel for her tonight...

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-13 22:46 ID:NBnZ8CND

>>25

That's pretty cool, I'm curious to hear how things went,...

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27 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-14 04:33 ID:2Pq8J00B

OP Here:

Well, I'm back, and I had a great time with LocalGirl, intending to catch a coffee tomorrow;

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28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-14 14:41 ID:AFytDplr

Although I feel a bit bad for OnlineGirl, I think you are making the right decisions. And yeah, you've got to be true to your feelings.

Also, she's not being frank with you - maybe for the gaming stuff, but also for the paperwork, which is a more serious case. And that's absolutely not a clean basis for a relationship, you know?

29 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-14 15:56 ID:k7tcu2cH

OP Here;
Indeed, I agree; I feel bad for OnlineGirl, believe me... I just do think I am making the right decisions, regardless of how she I led her on earlier...

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30 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-14 16:26 ID:k7tcu2cH

OP Here one more time, with a weird followup that literally just dropped into my mailbox from OnlineGirl...

A followup to her angry reply that kinda actually scares me, as even my parents said this might happen, half jokingly, but it actually did happen...

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31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-14 22:53 ID:dTpmezBU

I would walk away from OnlineGirl. Seriously, when you were posting her replies earlier and she kept putting "one day we'll get serious" etc warning flags were going up for me and as it's gone on now you've picked up on it.

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32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-15 07:09 ID:NNtCqpjo

I'm seeing a pattern here of her "HOW COULD YOU SAY SUCH HORRIBLE THINGS" emails immediately followed by "OH I DIDN'T MEAN IT I'M SORRY HEY LOOK EVERYTHING IS OK!" emails. That right there is just creepy by itself, like she can't control her anger or something, and has a tendency to lie to cover up her actions. That to me is a big 'ol red flag and a sign to GTFO before she turns even scarier than she already is.

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33 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-15 13:26 ID:k7tcu2cH

OP Here, with pretty positive results on both fronts!

OnlineGirl: After the "I'm free to date now" suddenly response, she sent me another e-mail yesterday, asking if I was just busy or not talking to her... So I finally sent an e-mail basically using my ultimate panic-button technique, which involves the infamous "I realized I'm not ready for a relationship at this point". I was very nice & honest about it, saying that I'd been thinking about it, and just didn't know how I felt, and that too much in my life was uncertain for me to be in a relationship with anyone just yet".

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34 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-15 17:31 ID:dTpmezBU

LocalGirl is very much interested - girls won't just give out their numbers without being asked. Yes she probably wants to get to know you more before you start dating proper, but she seems keen.

35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-16 13:54 ID:mLl0mPCs

The phone number thing was a test, you'll pass if you don't make a big deal about giving her number to others, but you show interest in a protective, dominant male form.

But I want you to leave OG the fuck alone, she sounds like someone I knew who... well, she's insane. I didn't see it at first, we met online then met IRL a few days later since she lived so close. But when I was with her she kept bitching about her ex bf's new gf, and how his old girlfiend died in a rock-climbing accident. The next thing chilled my spine: she then sat there laughing about how his girlfriend was dead.

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36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-16 15:23 ID:h5E98oCV

>>35

As far as I know, OG already knows she rushes too much into relationships,... so why don't you let OP and OG sort out their stuff instead of pushing your private angenda and past grudges? OP is no therapist.

37 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-17 15:31 ID:K+A6XVPf

OP Here;
With updates, primarily on LocalGirl! :)

OG: I do indeed gather that she rushes too much into relationships; I think she does want to quickly get back to that "having a guy at home every night" mentality, and I'm frankly surprised she hasn't e-mailed me more all weekend, rather than letting me relax; As it is, I think I'll drop her an e-mail today, just to stay in touch, but none of this dating business! I don't want to be her therapist, which is also why I got away from being involved, too!

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38 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-17 15:31 ID:bfGUBYhW

OP Here;
With updates, primarily on LocalGirl! :)

OG: I do indeed gather that she rushes too much into relationships; I think she does want to quickly get back to that "having a guy at home every night" mentality, and I'm frankly surprised she hasn't e-mailed me more all weekend, rather than letting me relax; As it is, I think I'll drop her an e-mail today, just to stay in touch, but none of this dating business! I don't want to be her therapist, which is also why I got away from being involved, too!

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39 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-17 17:00 ID:kDz/MWJA

Probably you should start thinking about bringing OG's case to an end,... It would be more fair to her, and would also avoid pissing LG if she realizes you have this kind of contact with another girl. Anyway, it does not look like you'll go anywhere with OG.

40 Name: SpireAtlanta : 2008-02-18 01:53 ID:qa0NNmS2

>>38
It seems as though you're all too happy to jump on the relationship train, OP. Judging by how eager you were to be involved with both women, my advice would be to consider how much you need to slow down, and then take three more mental steps back.

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41 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-18 04:56 ID:IHjrOn+e

OP Here
>>40's correct, and mentions a good point, and taking it slowly this time is exactly what I'm doing, since you're right that she's not going anywhere, so I can take my time getting to know her (For example, we just finished for the night playing an MMO for a few hours together, with nothing specifically "romantic" or anything like that, just good natured fun together!

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42 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-18 05:11 ID:qa0NNmS2

>>41 As my Brit/Oz friends would say, "Good on ya!"

43 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-19 01:31 ID:ALAgVq+B

OP Here
Just to update, we played an MMO for several hours each night over the weekend, very casual, and I did send her that e-mail sunday about perhaps if she'd like to go out for dinner and perhaps a movie this week, and she read it today, and replied "As for
dinner and possibly a movie-- Sounds great, how about Tuesday?" I didn't expect it, so it floored me... I'm again going for the casual, nothing serious thing, and in a short bit, I'm going to log onto the MMO, and be playing with her, as she mentioned that she'd be getting back from a late school meeting and would then be on, and that we could try a particular dungeon! Just wanted to update the folks here who were interested!

44 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-19 03:23 ID:qa0NNmS2

>>43 Thanks for the update. Glad to see it's going well.

45 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-19 05:03 ID:mLl0mPCs

It's good to keep it slightly casual but I forsee you reaching the friend zone. Let her know ou like her before it's too late.

46 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-19 10:16 ID:cl3lyZDK

OP Here
Well, since we're going to just dinner, not the movie (she needs to get home to help her mother if her mother needs help that evening), how would anyone suggest I let her know that I like her?

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47 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-19 13:03 ID:TKlBrzTr

I think you need to bo honest with her now. Given how the situation progresses, it is the best for both of you, before you get too close without saying anything and the situation gets awkward.

48 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-19 13:43 ID:YZ/KKtsD

I'm not so sure on the course of action,... It depends on her and on you. For instance, I don't think you should say that you love her (unless she says that herself), because that would be rushing too much. It's much better to say that you enjoy her company, and that you would like to go out more often with her.

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49 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-19 13:48 ID:k7tcu2cH

OP Again:
I do agree, I have to admit that I want something more than friendship, before we're just "friends hanging out", and I've gotten the feelings she's that way, too... I'm just not sure how to make that clear without going too fast...

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50 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-19 18:34 ID:k7tcu2cH

OP Here with one more note, as she hasn't e-mailed me back yet about a time this afternoon, but I expect her to sometime now:

I did pick up a small gift I mentioned in my post before this, to be able to say "I saw this & thought of you, I thought I'd surprise you with it, after you sent virtual stuff to me earlier!"

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51 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-19 19:03 ID:YZ/KKtsD

Sounds good,... go for it!

52 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-20 01:33 ID:mLl0mPCs

Do not. Give her. A gift.

Ok?

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53 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-20 16:40 ID:k7tcu2cH

OP Here, with some results:
Well, I got rather nervous when she hadn't e-mailed me back about a place or a time, but since I knew she's very lax at checking e-mail, and at the advice from a co-worker, I calmed down, and just got the "What's the worst that could happen" opinion, and called her house, and she replied with "So where do you want to eat tonight"!

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54 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-20 16:53 ID:TKlBrzTr

Congratulations!
Now do your best to keep her!

55 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-20 17:04 ID:YZ/KKtsD

Congrats!

So OG has a huge debt, and LG is bipolar,... Still, not sure if that levels it ^_^

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56 Name: da PG king : 2008-02-20 18:12 ID:lSTnu0s4

Dude... you like them fat?

gained a hunny pounds?

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57 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-20 22:49 ID:Heaven

>>56
Thanks for your, as usual, useful input.

58 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-21 00:26 ID:mLl0mPCs

Hooray for you! Just be careful, it sounds like you could possibly end too much time together in the early stage leading to the relationship burning out.

But stop listening to us, you're already pretty set on what to do, you just need affirmations from your peers time to time.

59 Name: da PG king : 2008-02-21 01:02 ID:lSTnu0s4

Fatty fat fat fatnugget obese

60 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-21 01:11 ID:Heaven

>>59
gb2/street/ cripfaggot

61 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-21 01:18 ID:Heaven

>>59
You know, some people are into that. It's not any different than you liking white girls who are out of your league.

62 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-21 01:37 ID:Heaven

>>61
In fact it's better because, you know, OP managed to land a hit with that girl. Thee hee.

63 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-21 02:07 ID:A/gmShdl

OP Here
Thanks for the support and advice guys! I'm actually playing online with her right now, to be honest! (I actually think playing online like this helps make the budding relationship more fun, at least for now! We're not even in a group together, we've been running solo, and planning to get together at a set time to run through a dungeon together;

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64 Name: da PG king : 2008-02-21 09:50 ID:Heaven

yo dawz don be hatin imma get mah crew 2 fuk yall up.

65 Name: GDMFSOB : 2008-02-22 03:50 ID:Heaven

ID:Heaven

nice fail.

66 Name: NoStranger : 2008-02-25 16:28 ID:k7tcu2cH

OP Here, just wanted to update you all!
We've gone out since then again, in fact, last night;

We had been planning on going out Tuesday, after a big test she had been studying hard for, and then on Saturday night, she asked while playing MMOs together, if I worked the next day, to which I replied nope, and she said that "maybe her brain needed some encouragement before the test, as well, and would I like to meet her tomorrow night for dinner;

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67 Name: da PG king : 2008-02-25 20:10 ID:lSTnu0s4

Yeah, but I get them slut girls that hot. just cause I cant get daddys little angel dont mean I cant score shit.

68 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-25 20:19 ID:5QS1EEGJ

hahaha,another "version" of densha. Good luck though

69 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-25 20:59 ID:Heaven

>>67
Your mongoloid language, hatred of books, fear of the gang you call friends, sure path to juvie, tough-guy internet threats and wigger attitude, in addition to bragging about pussy that has been stretched out to the size of a tractor tire, indicates you can't score shit.

70 Name: da PG king : 2008-02-26 01:50 ID:lSTnu0s4

Ok, we will see.

71 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-26 02:43 ID:8xcjfXnf

Why are so many people responding to da PG king anyways >_>
It ruins good interesting threads.

Some should just use self control and ignore him. Or maybe a mod could delete his posts?

72 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-26 04:55 ID:Heaven

>>71
I guess because it's funny. Maybe I'll give it a rest though.
I wouldn't endorse deleting his posts, being an idiot isn't a crime.

73 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-26 12:24 ID:Heaven

Writing an email address into a forum post isn't a crime either. Plenty of non-crimes get deleted on fascist forums.

74 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-27 03:18 ID:Heaven

>>71 Because we enjoy it. Plus, I'm collecting da PG king screenshots for later use. :D