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Love Letter help plz... (20)


1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-19 12:31 ID:+qnr5cR4

well i suck at english and i wanted the letter to be perfect so help out with grammar and some comment plz.

Dear [Her Name],

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2 Name: da PG king : 2008-02-19 14:04 ID:wscjhhaE

OK Mr. Romeo, now go get your juliet.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-19 14:08 ID:YzSZt9bC

I think you are complaining too much about your past relationships, and of your doubts and fears. All those issues are for you to deal with, not her. She could read it like this "A nasty girl hurt me in the past, and I hope you won't be a bitch with me". You sound insecure, vindicative, and put her under pressure, instead of taking responsibility for your past choices and experiences.

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4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-19 14:13 ID:ZNL2XkHg

>>3
This is quite good, in my opinion.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-19 14:22 ID:yGoWR+1a

>>1

"Great news bitch, I fucking love you. Let's make babies!

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6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-19 14:40 ID:+qnr5cR4

>>3

thnks 4 ur comment you're right and i'll change it later though i won't use your exact wording because then the letter won't be from me anymore. actually what i originally wanted was more of a paragraphing, punctuation mark, spelling and that sort of help

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-19 15:24 ID:YzSZt9bC

>>6

Sure, reformulate until the text belongs to you. As for spelling and punctuation, I did not correct many things for the same reason. If your text is too perfect, it won't be yours anymore. And if you write more letters, I guess you will not always use the internet as your helpdesk?

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8 Name: Daydreamer : 2008-02-19 15:49 ID:XQxI/oY1

>>6
Perhaps I could be of help. I'm not very experienced where love is concerned, but I happen to be an expert Grammar Nazi. :P

I have one remark about the formatting of your original letter. It seems to me that your sentences are rather long and run-on, without any punctuation marks to break the stream of words into smaller, more easily understandable phrases. Take this phrase, for example:

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9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-19 16:52 ID:Heaven

> Your Secret Admirer,
> [My Name]

Not so secret anymore, is it?

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-20 02:54 ID:bt6lap6M

Ok revised

Dear A,

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11 Name: Daydreamer : 2008-02-20 10:01 ID:XQxI/oY1

>>10

>All I know now is that a week without seeing you feel like an eternity to me
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12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-20 12:50 ID:YzSZt9bC

But you have changed me, your elegance, wit and beauty have smitten me AND opened my eyes to another side of love.

All I know now is that a week without seeing you feelS like an eternity to me, and the thought of not having you around tears me up inside.

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13 Name: Daydreamer : 2008-02-20 19:33 ID:XQxI/oY1

>>12

>I believe one must take chances when presented with an opportunity TO LIVE something wonderful.
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14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-21 09:40 ID:Heaven

well thanks for the help everyone i already wrote the letter and probably gonna give it to her soon.

thread over

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-21 11:38 ID:Heaven

Report back later with the reaction. We love the drama. We feed on the drama.

16 Name: Daydreamer : 2008-02-21 11:46 ID:XQxI/oY1

Good luck.

17 Name: GDMFSOB : 2008-02-22 03:48 ID:OHPNBv4+

>>15
maybe YOU do.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-22 03:49 ID:q+anjG6M

yeah, report back here. we need drama, it's our fuel

good luck

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-02-22 13:31 ID:Heaven

>>17
Personally my main feed is other people's misery.

20 Name: SpireAtlanta!SGRPrwhmGE!!DwFbhmLv : 2008-02-23 04:06 ID:dbrX2HYQ

If OP hasn't delivered it yet, he shouldn't. That letter needs a major overhaul. The girl will look at it and be like "Lol What?!?!" if she isn't a theater major or something.

That is to say, it isn't the grammar that's the issue, it's the lack of social consciousness.