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Break up (29)


1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-10 23:25 ID:bWfEEtPw

So the girl I am interested in broke up with her boyfriend of a few months. We're both in high school, she's a junior and I am a senior. They had been together since last summer so it lasted nearly 9 months I think. She's pretty depressed right now. I've kept my feelings for her out of respect for her and her relationship. Now I have the chance to do something but I don't want to be too hasty and ask her when she still has feelings for him, or be too late and have some bolder rival ask her out. I don't know how long I should wait or how to tell her when I decide to do it. Help.

2 Name: Chou : 2008-03-10 23:33 ID:oUAHJVYC

Be the shoulder she cries on

Duh?

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-10 23:41 ID:bWfEEtPw

>>2
What? No.

4 Name: Chou : 2008-03-10 23:50 ID:oUAHJVYC

>>3
Not worth the effort?

Yeah, probably

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-11 00:46 ID:Heaven

>>4
No, because the shoulder she cries on becomes the rag she clogs her vagina with, you ugly feminist.

6 Name: Chou : 2008-03-11 02:14 ID:oUAHJVYC

>>5
If he let's himself get manipulated like that, it's his problem. Not all women are blood thirsty succubi waiting to latch onto the first guy they meet. If you seem to keep meeting women like that, you're doing something wrong

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-11 03:30 ID:bWfEEtPw

>>2
>>4
>>5
>>6

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8 Name: Chou : 2008-03-11 04:03 ID:oUAHJVYC

>>7
Oh fine

Maintain your distance for a little while to let her get over the break up. Some girls recover quickly others do not. Don't alienate or ignore her, just say 'hi' in the hallways or make small talk about stupid things, like acquaintances. Having someone interested in her that quickly looks a little stalker-ish. Look at her reactions toward you, if she flirts, then she maybe over her old bf, but don't read too much into things. Try not to bring up the break up unless she starts talking about it (I don't know why she'd talk about her personal problems with someone who seems to be a complete stranger, but it does happen) Try and get to know her friends, it's a lot easier for someone closer to the person to know when their ready to move on. If your not that close to her, then get to know her, but not too close or you'll be put into the rebound or friend zone, both of which are hard to get out off.

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9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-11 19:05 ID:B7IjdtGz

>>8
We go to different schools, we mostly talk online and sometimes hang out, not that often though. I haven't shown interest in her. I was talking to her the other day and she seemed really sad so I asked her what had happened and she told me about the break up.

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10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-11 20:33 ID:KNVM9FaN

>>9
Keep us updated as things develop. I want to see a 4-ch success story!

11 Name: Chou : 2008-03-12 00:37 ID:oUAHJVYC

>>10
Those always warm my cold undead heart :3

>>9

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12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-12 07:52 ID:bdzEd/be

>>10
Well there was a 4ch'er proclaiming success in a recent topic, but he seemed a bit disapointed with certain flaws. =/

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-12 15:50 ID:/ID8IiTT

>>12
Actually, I myself had a 4-ch success story! We're still going strong after nearly a year, too! http://4-ch.net/love/kareha.pl/1173252727/

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-18 21:13 ID:bWfEEtPw

No new developments or anything but I was wondering if I should ask her out or tell her about my feelings first? (Once she is over her ex, that is).

15 Name: Chou : 2008-03-19 10:57 ID:oUAHJVYC

>>14
Wait a little while to see if she likes you too because if you confess, she may decide that you should just stay friends, then you'd be placed into the friend zone. Try not to read too much into little actions though, or you may think she's giving off signs she really isn't

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-19 16:16 ID:iQk8PuYF

>>13

I just read the entire thread, and all I can say is "Awwwww...."

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-19 19:16 ID:B7IjdtGz

OP here. She seems ok now she was a bit sad over the break up for a few days and she seems fine now. But I looked at her myspace and facebook and she's still listen as 'in a relationship' I know it doesn't mean they got back together, maybe she hasn't changed it or something. But how do I find out that they are not together anymore without bringing it up. Also I am not friends with any of her friends. Halp.

18 Name: Chou : 2008-03-20 03:13 ID:oUAHJVYC

>>17

It sounds like he broke up with her and she's still a little hopeful that they might get back together, though I could be wrong. It depends on how many times she's on Facebook or MySpace. My friend's ex still has 'I love insert name of ex-ex-girlfriend here' on it because he's hardly ever on. Still try to cheer her up without being annoying, although she may not look sad, she maybe keeping all those feelings pent up inside. If you were to try it early, she may have thought you were belittling her feelings.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-20 03:24 ID:bWfEEtPw

>>18
Thanks. I haven't had the chance to hang out with her as she's been busy with school. I think you are right, maybe she hasn't been online that often. I think I am gonna wait a couple of weeks and then drop some hints.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-21 23:06 ID:bWfEEtPw

Today we were chatting online and I asked her "What's up?" and she told me that she was really happy since she got back with her boyfriend.

:\

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-29 14:22 ID:DfiYSXza

>>20

i'm sorry dude. at least you had the guts to try.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-12 20:39 ID:bWfEEtPw

So, since she's back with her bf we don't talk as often but the other day she asked me to go to an amusement park. She still has a boyfriend, reason why I haven't asked her out. I don't know why her boyfriend isn't going or why she invited me. Should I go or tell her I can't? I don't know if she invited me because she wanted to go with me or because I am a last resort of some kind.

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23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-13 01:08 ID:SDxtT26b

>>22
I think you shouldn't go.

First, it will probably be hard for you.

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24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-13 02:32 ID:bWfEEtPw

>>23
I told her I couldn't go and she was kinda disappointed. Though I told her we could go another time. I also asked about her boyfriend, who didn't want to pay to go with her.

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25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-13 03:07 ID:UJmiQOnM

>>24

Lol, girls just love jerks, don't they :) Nice guys finish last... with majority of girls (not all though). Learn from her boyfriend and you'll see.

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26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-13 03:18 ID:SDxtT26b

>>24
Well done!

It may seem a bit... rude, but trust me, it's for the best. Also you learnt an interesting thing: her boyfriend isn't willing to pay to spend some good time with his girlfriend in an amusement park? Oh well. Chances are they won't stay together long if he keeps acting like that, and you "raise the level".

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27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-13 03:24 ID:SDxtT26b

>>26 continued
Oh, and I forgot: you're so much better than her ex-boyfriend. You have to know this; that is, you must be convinced of it on the most deep level of your subconsciousness. But not better in the "nice guy" meaning, but in the "possible mating partner".

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28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-13 12:22 ID:KLfUnbCK

>>26

>Also you learnt an interesting thing: her boyfriend isn't willing to pay to spend some good time with his girlfriend in an amusement park
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29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-13 16:30 ID:Heaven

>>28
I said that because of op's:

>I also asked about her boyfriend, who didn't want to pay to go with her.
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