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I like him, but... (19)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-13 18:18 ID:EyTs4HG3

Hello all,

There's this guy at my university. We've been attending the same classes for around two years now, but never spoken to each other. Recently we both became members of the same (geek) club. This means that I now get to talk to him often... it also means that I've started to like him, a lot.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-13 19:47 ID:M6nCuAAv

Is he seeing someone?

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-13 20:39 ID:EyTs4HG3

No, he is just not interested in any relationship, period, because he thinks it would not be fair for the other person if he couldn't make time for them, which is what he told me. Makes sense, I guess.

I don't know if he would even consider me since there is an age gap: he is 34, I am 21.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-13 22:37 ID:NPusJuSQ

He's a smart one to not let his feelings for you (I'm sure he has some) make him hurt you. Take his advice and wait until he has time.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-13 22:44 ID:QxhE9FLE

I think he will make another girlfriend in his country
if you wouldn't tell him "I love you" or something like that.

Isn't that painful for you?

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 00:43 ID:uud5Imk9

Perhaps a risky but easy solution: Tell him you have a crush on him so that it's out of the way, OR just get his e-mail and start talking with him casually. The latter provides a way for you to make a move if you continue to feel attracted to him int eh future, without pushing into the relationship thing now.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 07:21 ID:EyTs4HG3

That was my intention, but it's difficult right now since I see him almost every day in class (and pay more attention to him than the professor!).

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8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 12:11 ID:5eBQfWNN

All the questions you raise are for yourself to answer, but I see no forbidding obstacle to a relationship. For instance the age gap is quite large, but it can work, if you are willing to accept it. If so, everybody else will end up accepting it also.

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9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 12:20 ID:EyTs4HG3

>>8, I graduate in two years. Not sure about him, though.

As for his staying abroad, he says that he has an established business there that he wants to go back to. But he's been here since 2003, which is a long time to leave a business unattended and probably also means he's graduating in a year or two as well.

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10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 13:38 ID:5eBQfWNN


Looks like you have a windows of opportunity of one or two years, which is considerable. Furthermore his projects are not so firmly established that they could not accommodate a relationship.

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11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 14:47 ID:3Kot1sgX

silly OP, this is a problem caused by being female. We all go through this kind of angst at some point, usually multiple times in our lives. The usual solution is to find some other girls to banter on about it with.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 15:25 ID:EyTs4HG3

Easier said than done. I'll try to see if there are any signs of him being interested in me...


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13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 16:34 ID:M6nCuAAv

You need to be a positive thinker.

He's 34 and single, and not seeing anyone, it seems.
To tell you the truth, I thought the issue would be like "what is the best way of me approaching him?"

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14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 18:17 ID:EyTs4HG3

>>13, thanks for the encouragement. You're right, I'm trying to be very careful about this: I don't want to force my feelings on him since he so clearly stated that he wasn't interested, but at the same time I don't want to regret not trying to see if he might be interested after all.

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15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 19:27 ID:M6nCuAAv

Ok, you need to be pushed a little more. :)

I'm not quite sure what his personality is like, but if I were the guy, I might say the same thing if asked if I had a girlfriend now. You know what I mean? Put yourself in his shoes. He probably wanted to beautify his situation. Do you honestly believe he could describe what he had in mind as it is? You might think it's wierd, but you can't rule out the possibilities that he put up his front at the time.

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16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 19:39 ID:EyTs4HG3

>>15, I see what you mean. Likewise, I'm trying to avoid coming on too strongly to avoid looking desperate... As for what he's like, he's pretty quiet, very honest and straightforward, an overall nice guy. I believe him when he said he didn't want to mistreat a girl or be unfair to her, but now that you mention it, I guess it doesn't mean that he's not interested =)

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17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-14 21:07 ID:IYc5KvVt

Just get to know what he's interested in, and use that to find activities you can do with him (ex: movies, expos, going out). Maximise the time you spend with him,...

18 Name: dthncrnge : 2008-03-14 21:11 ID:LfDTE5vF

Be smart... If your in college, then come up with some creative way to make it work... Use the force :)

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-03-15 08:35 ID:EyTs4HG3

>>17, that sounds like a good idea, except his schedule is fuller than mine... but he does have patches of free time in between, yay!


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