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Nothing's happening (20)


1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-04 20:52 ID:rd1U+CA8

Dear 4-ch.
I got a problem with love. I don't get any.
I'll try to be rational about it. Since a year and some more, I've been going through a big change in looks. I got a nice haircut, cool clothes, and I've even been working out (though I'm more like the skinny guy). I've also gone through an update in personality. Instead of being shy and scared to talk with girls, I've becomen a bit more outgoing and I'm talking a lot more with girls. Don't worry, I'm still the nice guy, though a tease where it counts. I probably appear relaxed, funny at times. Maybe a bit shy.

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11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-05 13:48 ID:4wMe5ICm

In a similar situation, but I haven't done the self-improvement thing, and posts like OP is why I haven't. What's the point of going through all that effort if there is no reward in the end?

12 Name: Cage : 2008-04-05 14:11 ID:v9CEY2Vg

>>11

Because you have to be confident with yourself first to have ANY chance with a girl. Before the self-improvement thing, I was too shy to make a move on a a girl. Now I'm not that shy anymore... and I haven't found anyone that I geniunely liked.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-05 20:32 ID:rd1U+CA8

OP here.
I'm relieved I'm not the only one in this situation. For now, my plan is getting enough rest to have more energy in the daytime. It might be a factor.

14 Name: Cage : 2008-04-05 22:29 ID:8EWjZ82d

>>13

Do you atleast know what you want in a woman?

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-06 04:37 ID:ioz3i0Kt

people who have suggested clubs or the like are on the right track. I used to sweat over matters of love and being single and it used to put me in a depression at times. but then a few weeks back I just told myself not to let finding love be a big deal anymore. I went back to playing basketball and have pre occupied myself with that activity. Love is still on my mind, but it is no longer a main concern for me. It will happen when it happens. For now I find myself less stressed, plus I am enjoying playing basketball again.

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16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-06 16:22 ID:m8Iio/+F

>>15 is right. Just do something you enjoy, and if your lucky, you may meet the right person doing it.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-07 03:31 ID:Pt/VReJV

>>16

After giving it some thought over the years, I really don't think it's a good idea going for dating to the circles where you will comfortable. You will most likely get friendships that way, but I am not so sure about dates. But if you actually try to go out of your circle and do something different you might stumble upon a girl who you will explain that you are new to this and that and ask her to give you some advice and help. With somewhat you are familiar with like in the situation A above, there will be far less space for conversation other than some advanced talk on the things you both like. That will be pretty much what it is: two whatever-geeks sharing what they know about something. But situation B is different, you're going out of your circle of comfort, giving up yourself to somebody and their interests in a way and that is how you will leave a very good impression. People like other people expressing genuine interest in what they do and they feel the need to respond with same interest for what you know and before you know it something wonderful may happen. It's not a thing that will happen at once, but I think that for a change you should try something like that.

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18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-07 03:31 ID:Pt/VReJV

And about your shyness, I seriously doubt that a girl will reject you over that. Of course, try not to overdo it. Not all girls will respond for sure, but there are those who you will intrigue that way. It's just an assumption, but considering your shyness you're probably quite deep thinker as well. Try to express intelligence and deepness to a certain level but not too much. I don't think girls are shallow, but they do put emphasis to emotional rather than intellectual side. So, when you approach girls try to not hold to only one point of the conversation and jump over topics without getting too deep in anything. That will send a signal that you are a well-rounded person who does know when to stop. Then you might give her a subtle compliment that you enjoyed the conversation and find her views interesting and would like the idea of getting together in a cafe or somewhere and talk more. Express interest in what she does and tell her that for quite a while you wanted to learn something about what she finds interesting but never had a chance to get to know it from the first hand. She will likely accept because you're not pretentious, but deep down girls know to feel that you're actually are attracted to her. They like subtleties and if you don't play along you'll never go past gate #1 :) If she does accepts don't rush and say that you think Starbucks sounds great but ask her how can you get in touch with her and offer choices (don't just ask for the phone number) by asking her what would be the most convenient way to get in touch. Then you can say I'll email you or call you or whatever she gave you to find out when is the best time for both of you to go somewhere. Don't forget to say that you are very content to actually meet her. Sound enthusiastic and avoid desperate staring at her! Tell her that you will call her tomorrow. If she says ok or doesn't say anything then CALL HER TOMORROW, not the day after and not the same night! Wish her a good night or whatever is suitable for the time of the day you met her. Retain politeness and facial distance during your conversation, but try to subtly lean towards her from time to time during the conversation. Girls are such body-language readers and they're not even aware of it. I shouldn't even say but neutral breath and very light cologne are a must. You never know if she actually likes the scent you chose last time you shopped for perfume. Don't let that put her away from you. Frankly, girls are quite complicated and like in those puzzles you have to deal with many many pieces if you want a whole picture. Don't give up because most girls are caring enough not to give up on you just because they don't like a detail about you. We men often underestimate women. They ARE capable of accepting us the way we are. But they want us to show them that we are actually flexible enough and caring enough to bend our norms, interests and personality just for them. Each girl wants to feel special and if you show her that, then your image, talks and social status is the last thing they pay attention to. Of course there are girls who will only date rich guys, beautiful guys or whatever, but I doubt they are your type anyway :)

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19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-08 06:43 ID:rd1U+CA8

OP here.
Thank you so much for your advice. I'll take everything to heart, and bookmark it for future reference.
I don't even know how to thank you properly for such a piece of advice.

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20 Name: 18 : 2008-04-08 13:58 ID:HodGUyxR

>> 19

You're very welcome and you'll thank me by finding a girl for you. I can tell that you really are a nice guy (polite and everything) Go for a nice educated and well-mannered girl as well! :)

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