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Self Improvement (46)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-05 10:42 ID:XpQTBlZI

So i just got rejected. She said shes not ready for relationship and want to focus on her career. though the fact that i was an obese,hairy,smelly,basement dwelling geek with lots of personal issues and no job & no qualification probably contribute a little to her decision.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-05 10:58 ID:LcrvZZ8u

change.. but do keep your distance... if i were her. I'll tend to stay somewhat away from you. You know, from sending wrong signals. Perhaps it's her nice way of rejecting you, perhaps she's not interested in you.

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3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-05 11:05 ID:xcpPvpaB

Keep working out etc for YOURSELF not for her. If you work at improving yourself for yourself then you will be much happier. It sounds very promising that you are so motivated to make the change and have already started improving yourself! Just try to use your own wellbeing as motivation as well as/rather than what some girl thinks of you.

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4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-05 11:18 ID:XpQTBlZI


well I'm not interested in another girl. I was alone but not lonely. I try to get back to dating because I think she's special and not because I'm desperate, so is it really bad idea to ask her on a later date?

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-05 11:39 ID:XpQTBlZI


well i did try to improve for myself a couple times in the past but it never got anywhere only this time i'm getting result because the i have a clear goal and something worth fighting for. well i guess thinking myself isn't a good enough reason to improve already show i have confidence issue.

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6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-05 15:16 ID:xcpPvpaB

Well OK fine, do it for her. But if she rejects you again just say fuck it and move on and do it for another girl (or the idea of another girl) because otherwise you're just going to slip back into bad habits if that happens.

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7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-05 17:11 ID:QYYlSAJC

I'm a girl, so here is a female opinion!
First of all, I think you should work really hard for awhile to show her that you really are changing and you really do have the willpower to keep at it.
Since it has already been a few months since you confessed, it won't be so daunting to her if you approach again in a month or two, but like >>6 said, you shouldn't really confess, especially since she's rejected you before.

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8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-05 22:50 ID:BiAt3rlo

thanks for the advice. so to sum it up

  1. Take time and work hard on myself first
  2. No more confession and casually ask her out
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9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-06 00:49 ID:LcrvZZ8u


lol, just bc we didn't mention that we're females... doesn't mean we aren't!
Anyways, personally, I don't think that asking her to give you a chance if she says no to coffee is that great of an idea... cuz that means you're still not over her-- and that may annoy her. Cuz, she might just say no to coffee due to other reasons.

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10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-07 02:04 ID:7ipyEjlo


I am in very similar situation, but I am also trying to change myself... Not very good for my health but I feel that if I stop I can't continue... I feel so down to the point of thinking of myself as so ugly and fat that neither the plainest girl would ever date me. For the record, I did date a girl last summer. She really liked me but I didn't and broke up... That takes my credibility away but I just couldn't help it.

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11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-07 04:19 ID:OMLnOTWt

well i think body image is the least of my problem, i don't consider myself ugly i've just been slacking for too long. what i need is to "man up" because i feel like a boy in the mid 20s. yesterday there was a group meeting and i felt there was an awkward silence between me and her so i dared a friend to do something stupid. i think i came out looking like a jerk and lost more point with her. i don't even usually do those juvenile stuff

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12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-09 03:03 ID:/kvtuIFj

Well after much observation - and quite a good dose of reading, plus some personnal experimentations, I think I can tell you what girls crave the most: confidence.

And that's about it. Not caring too much about them, also. I don't mean you have to be a jerk, not at all, but I mean don't ever act as if you needed any form of validation from them. They have to be the ones seeking validation from you because you are so awesome.

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13 Name: Some good advice : 2008-04-09 03:06 ID:HCnXPwWD

Plenty of fish in the sea.....

Do what YOU want...and don't confess "love" to someone...

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14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-19 04:03 ID:7ipyEjlo

Hey, how's weight loss going for you? I am OP from "I was just turned down" thread. Is there any news on the love front?

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-19 04:08 ID:aNJVFB9T

So apparently women are awful at giving advice.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-19 06:24 ID:Heaven

weight thing is slowing down but still going, as i said body image is the least of my problem. currently on 6" & 220 lbs so thats not too bad. i'm focusing more on my job and confidence issue.

as for the love thing i told her i'm backing off because i don't want to lose a good friend. because shes being overly formal lately lately and i prefer to have my good friend back.

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17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-19 06:54 ID:Heaven

i meant 6 feet. i usually work with cm so wrong symbol there

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-21 14:04 ID:h/pSkjcH


i sent her an email saying basicly i accepted her decision and not gonna pursue it any further and ask if i can call her just to chat and catch up since we've been keeping distance and haven't talk much lately. i also told her that since this is over i wanted her to know that i really did like her and not asking her out from desperation.

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19 Name: 5664 : 2008-04-21 20:54 ID:qnhoqjTr

How much would you say you changed physically? Like from what you were being a 1 and, say...clean cut attractive man is a 10?

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-22 00:38 ID:h/pSkjcH

a 4? can't really change that much in that short amount of time. does it even matter since i'm just asking to go back being friends

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-22 13:51 ID:Heaven

oh wow... she said shes not being distant and its all just in my head... i guess i really do have serious psychological issue..

anyway i guess i should stop posting here for now. and spend more time in the real world.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-22 14:56 ID:UAacGrbQ


I don't think you have an issue. We're humans after all, and it hurts when we're rejected. And frankly I didn't expect her to confirm that she was distant. Girls (and people in general) are usually like that. We become defensive and deny that we are avoiding somebody...

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23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-23 05:28 ID:tK7CQrtW


>This could actually sent a different message -- that you did ask her out out of desperation...
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24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-23 20:11 ID:xcpPvpaB

>oh wow... she said shes not being distant and its all just in my head... i guess i really do have serious psychological issue..

I really don't think it was all in your head. She probably was/is keeping her distance and knows that hurts you, but doesn't want to hurt you even more by telling you that she is specifically avoiding you.

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-24 02:59 ID:Heaven

rape her

26 Name: OP : 2008-05-15 12:48 ID:QhdF4K+m

So here is the current situation. I'm quite content with where i am now. i get to wear a suit and tie to work, in a much better shape, more social etc. Haven't seen her for a while and we don't chat much but when we do it's a lot nicer then before. we started joke and open up to each other again. we're both quite busy i can tell shes really dedicated, working overtime and such so she didn't lie about wanting to focus on her career (shes from a rich family and doesn't even need the money).

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27 Name: Thunder!RQhIqRxs5I!!QiI33I8Q : 2008-05-15 13:58 ID:NK/ozRIW

OP, I think it's wonderful that you made all these changes, especially in just a month's time! So, first of all, you deserve a hearty CONGRATULATIONS just for that.

I would be wary about asking her out again so soon. Get to be friends again first - I know that everyone's afraid of friendzone, but since you already asked her once, she already has that possibly-romantic-potential idea of you in mind.

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28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-15 15:03 ID:sDcTakuG


Wow man, I am glad for you. Two thumbs up! As for this girl, let it progress naturally. Maybe it was neither your appearance, job or whatever that caused all that. Maybe she is/was just stressed out with work. She really sounds like workaholic, her family being rich and all.

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29 Name: OP : 2008-05-16 01:35 ID:TmHmHBFh

hemm workaholic sounds negative, i like the fact that she's willing work and work hard even when she doesn't need to. i know too many girls poor and rich who never work in their whole life and just go from leeching parents to leeching boyfriend / husband.

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30 Name: 28 : 2008-05-16 02:27 ID:7ipyEjlo


I may have exaggerated calling her workaholic but it's you who knows her personally not me :-) well, i think there's nothing wrong for you to go out with other girls because she rejected your attempts already... now the whole nice guy thing, yeah i know what you mean... it would be unfair to that other person. but give somebody else a chance for a change and try not to think about Hermes (lol) while you're with other girls. That way it's not unfair... It will definitely be a learning experience, but don't think of it like that because that's where your feeling of guilt comes in. Think about it as just having some fun...

31 Name: OP : 2008-05-17 14:37 ID:rcYmL4L6

sigh.. her best friend just told me she never had any interest in me and apparently my recent gifts made her uncomfortable.... thats it i guess, nice guy finish last. she's still a wonderful person, i still love her very much. but now that our group broken up i probably won't see her for a long long time. It's time for me to learn how thing works in the real world.

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-17 15:36 ID:se8bRqMr

Oh man, that's so bad... I'm really sorry for you.

But you know, there are a lot of fishes at sea. You only need to move on, you have all that experience and you may use it to get an even better girl.

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33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-17 21:39 ID:k3PHy+Kn

>>31 Yes Nice Guys finish last. Next time, don't call her, call her a whore in a fight and act like a complete asshole = succes!

34 Name: 28 : 2008-05-21 03:32 ID:7ipyEjlo


I guess that sometimes works... Something wrong with girls' immune system :-)

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35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-24 23:29 ID:fokBYl3g


You didn't stop pursuing something worthless. Go look for the next girl, scratch that one from your life.

36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-25 09:50 ID:zlxWwS3v

Yeah, kind of a sad end but take the time to look at how much you've improved personally from it and press on!

37 Name: OP : 2008-06-04 17:23 ID:TiyGn4/2

a couple of weeks ago i told her we should be honest with ourself and admit we need to take some time off to heal.

This week a mutual friend setting up a surprised birthday party for my sister. it's an important birthday so she's gonna be there coz she knows my sister. since it's a surprised birthday party they ask me to take my sister to the place which mean i have to be there.

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38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-04 22:19 ID:7ipyEjlo


Tough call, man. I know how you feel, but I would show up there and greet her/ask her how she's doing (common courtesy) but no more than that. You gotta show yourself that you're strong enough to deal with your issues. Being in the same room with her and actually focusing attention to something else (your sis' bday) is going to be an important part of your healing phase. Yeah, it's too early, but man life is tough. I believe your sis will not feel the same if you're not there especially if you are close.

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39 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-05 03:16 ID:tK7CQrtW

Hey OP, what happens to you is sad, but I think you should take it on your shoulders and still do it. >>38 gave good advice.

If really you're flipping out, you might want to talk to your sister about that girl, if she isn't aware of your situation, and tell her how you would feel uncomfortable would you have to spend time around her. That way, without giving out the surprise, you know you can count on her to look out for you. Hey, that's also what siblings are for...

40 Name: OP : 2008-06-05 05:14 ID:TiyGn4/2

hemm, i was leaning towards not going before because it sounds stupid saying we should take some time off then meet up 2 weeks later. but i'll take some time to think about it again. oh yea when i mean party it's more like 6 or so people sitting on the same table having lunch, cutting birthday cake and such. it's not like i can say hi then ignore her because she will be right across the table.

41 Name: 37 : 2008-06-06 02:35 ID:7ipyEjlo


You don't have to ignore her. You just don't bring things up, that's all. Anyway, I think she really expects you to attend your sis' bday. C'mon, you're closer to your sis than she is, right? So, it's not like you show up there to give her hard time...

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42 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-11 14:57 ID:UAacGrbQ

Hey how did the party go?

43 Name: OP : 2008-06-11 16:16 ID:Q5e9O4BF

i didn't go. some minor accident happen to my mom, shes alright now but i decided to keep her company that weekend.

44 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-11 17:44 ID:UAacGrbQ


sorry to hear bout your mom... well it's probably better that you didn't go

45 Name: OP : 2008-07-18 02:51 ID:q+ToTSBm

so, season 2

things have gotten better with that girl. i haven't seen her for a while but she started initiating conversation on msn though we both try to keep it short it has good vibe. i'm mostly over her now and i'm glad i didn't lose a good friend

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46 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-19 05:44 ID:Q+o76um/


(1) You don't. You blew it; you're done. Find a new girl. Just like products fail when they're rushed out the door before they're done, YOU failed because you incorrectly assessed your social capital.

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