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I was just turned down (34)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-09 15:16 ID:gENv7crP

First of all let me tell you about myself. I am overweight but not really whining about it - I am getting rid of it. Lost 35 lbs in 2.5 months. I still have 75 lbs to lose until I reach my ideal weight but I will DEFINITELY do it this time. I will also switch to wearing contacts and maybe change my haircut from classic to something more modern. But that's pretty much everything I can do.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-09 15:58 ID:yBzM9uwi

God luck overweight-kun ! Secret Admirer is rooting for you ! <3 There's nothing much to say really, just lose some weight and change your look.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-09 16:27 ID:xGhE9KsQ

Congrats. You got rejected, the first of many. Don't take it personally when a girl turns you down, it will happen. But you are fortunate, you are one of the few on this board that has the courage to ask out a girl. You lost 35 pounds and you are losing more. Awesome. You are working on becoming a better person, this shows the quality person you are. You will find someone who will see how hard you are working to become a better person. So don't worry about finding a girl or finding that special someone, that will come with time. Self-esteem and confidence is something you find in yourself and no one can give it to you. That being said, it means no one can take it from you. You should understand you are worth something and you will win in the end. Other than that, all I can wish for is for you to have a good life and tell us when you find your love, because I'm quite sure you will.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-09 16:46 ID:gENv7crP

OP here.


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5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-09 17:06 ID:JBmqbaqa

it's okay to get rejected.. but I hope you didn't pressure the girl to explain why she declined your offer to go out with you... you'll seem too desperate, and asking all these questions is just a turn off.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-09 17:18 ID:gENv7crP

>> 5

No, I didn't ask her. I never do that. Rejection situations are as awkward as they get, so I don't drag them. What I meant is that common courtesy would demand to just make up an excuse at least.

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7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-09 23:20 ID:w9m9SDDr


freaky how similiar we are down to the height, weight, sitution,age and glasses. i guess we fit in the whole fat geek stereotype.

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8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-09 23:51 ID:f8Gpo58C

man i got rejected so many times myself. dont let that stop you though! if a girl rejects ya, fine. just keep trying! you are so close man, u will find the girl! just keep at it with your plan and u will be there in no time.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-10 02:54 ID:kxaF64O3


Exactly. It's a STEREOTYPE. I look like a fat geek, but frankly I have well-rounded personality and I keep my professional interests strictly professional (i.e. you'll never hear me mentioning anything to do with technology/science/computers to a girl). And yet, with that looks we obviously both share, girls (I guess) tend to assume that you're an oblivious geek who would be so boring to be around with. I never judge anybody by their looks, but hey that's me :)

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10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-10 03:20 ID:6Rxax7Oo

>>9 You remind me of the "past-me". I did the same thing you did, exercise, eat less to the point where i became a zombie OBSESSED with my weight. I then understood how it actually feels to be a chick, HORRIBLE. I didn't do the purge thing, but over time i felt so guilty after eating a full meal it drove me nuts.

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11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-10 04:08 ID:kxaF64O3

OP here

I see what you're saying. And I am kinda aware of all of that you said. That's why I gave up on the idea that I am doing it for somebody else. I guess I am doing it primarily because of my health. I know I'll run into that obsession thing when I hit the normal weight. It's my fat genes that make my life so miserable.

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12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-10 10:09 ID:V2au10mk

hemm, this is kind of off topic but what the hell

i lost and gain 60+ pound twice already because i tried doing it with fat burner or eating less. it's just not gonna work because you can't keep doing it for the rest of your life and when you quit you going to gain it all back or even more.

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13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-10 11:19 ID:ZddsZusR

>i lost and gain 60+ pound twice already because i tried doing it with fat burner or eating less. it's just not gonna work because you can't keep doing it for the rest of your life and when you quit you going to gain it all back or even more
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14 Name: OP : 2008-04-10 13:42 ID:gENv7crP

>> 12

Yeah, diet details are off topic but I'll post them anyway because they can help other 4-chaners.
The farthest I could get was 234lbs and then I gained all back because I gave up. I am conscious and aware that I will have to maintain healthy weight all my life and am not too fond of the idea. However, I decided to do it and I will. As for the meals, I usually have 2 smaller meals a day with fruit in the meantime. It's working for me although it's not too healthy and quite extreme because I am taking less than 800 calories a day that way. I absolutely gave up on sugar (sweets) and fatty foods. All sugar I get is from fruits. I even bake my whole-grain bread because commercial ones have corn syrup, sugar and whatever. All fat I get is from lean meats. I use no oil either. Before, I was losing strength progressively but I started taking multi-vitamins+minerals daily and that keeps me up. In the beginning, I was losing about 6 lbs/wk, then it fell down to 4 lbs/wk and now I am not even sure, but it should be in that range. What happens is it gravitates around say 265lbs +- 2 lbs then after few days when I go to sleep I would wake up with 261. I am not sure about others, but I guess my body works that way, and I should definitely start getting more sleep (that's what nutritionists are suggesting anyway). And yes, I don't eat anything after 5pm (except for unsweetened lemonades). In the mornings I drink a cup of (unsweetened non-decaffeinated) green tea with lemon and ginseng. I don't use any other fat-burners as they are usually too high in caffeine and tend to weaken your heart and lessen the amount of time you can actually exercise. I have the Fat meter device and dropped from 37% to 29% body fat since I started. I am eating meat and whole-grain oats to retain high level of protein and fiber in my diet which I think minimizes muscle loss for me.

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15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-10 14:01 ID:ZddsZusR

800 calories is way too little, you're just crash dieting and thats why you always ended up giving up to cravings and finding your body puts it all back on so quickly. There are various calorie calculators online that you can use to see how many calories you use up everyday depending on your weight/activity levels. That figure is your maintainence level, so cut 100 to 200 calories off that for healthy weight loss.

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16 Name: OP : 2008-04-10 14:11 ID:gENv7crP


Yeah I know I exaggerated. At the beginning I craved for food. Now it seems like my body doesn't even care anymore so I am rarely hungry. I am not purging or anything like that and I'll never do that. I'll check the 7chan's board and FAQ out.

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17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-10 16:04 ID:ZddsZusR

No problem, and the best of luck to you :)

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-11 08:19 ID:f8Gpo58C

crash dieting never works for the long term. starving yourself isnt good. I heard a doctor say crash dieting never works because all it does is make your body think " woah was there a famine just recently? we better eat up extra in case another famine hits." So the body will make you crave food and all you do is gain the weight back. But if you diet correctly, your body will not crave food and tell itself that it is ok and it will eat the extra fat stored in the body so you wont get hungry and crave food. Sounds corny, I know, but I have never seen a crash diet that works.

19 Name: 28 : 2008-05-21 03:38 ID:kxaF64O3

My weight loss slowed down big time. I'm at 255lbs now.. so that's 5 lbs in a month -- poor I know. I have to increase my physical activity dramatically. I mainly eat low-sugar fruit, some meat and no fat, sweets, junk food or anything like that.. But still no dramatic loss..

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20 Name: OP : 2008-05-21 03:41 ID:kxaF64O3

Actually I went over my Apr-10 posts and I averaged 263lbs at that point so I lost 8lbs!! Haha still miserable but better than 5 :)

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-21 11:51 ID:b7ao8127

8lbs in a month is decent though at your weight it could be alot more. consider taking fat burner while keeping the healthy diet if it slow down even more, though it's not without side effect it help me out alot.

anyway i reread the whole thread and realize you blame all your problem on weight. personally i believe weight by itself won't be enough to attract or repel woman unless you're really really obese. so there's probably another aspect you don't realize

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22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-21 14:13 ID:BJEEdmB3

the good thing about being ugly is that when you finally DO find a partner (and ofcourse you eventually will), you can be sure that the partner loves you for who you really are - not your looks.

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-21 14:32 ID:qusgef0K

As long as you're also poor.

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-21 19:04 ID:Nzi8g1dW

I think his weight ruined his confidence. Losing weight = improving confidence = girls noticing and complimenting = improving confidence = keep losing weight, and so on.

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25 Name: OP : 2008-05-22 04:38 ID:kxaF64O3


I see what you mean.. Although I don't think I am ugly. It's not like one can't look at my face. My true problem is weight and image which I am changing slowly. Yeah there are some facial features that I would like different but can't cry over not being Brad Pitt really...

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26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-22 09:06 ID:9QSkqupr


I'm gonna be honest here, sorry if it stings.

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27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-22 13:10 ID:zv5VNHrx

>>26 hath spoken.

Seriously, though, OP - congratulations on the weight loss, please continue this "virtuous cycle." However, your self-assessment sounds flawed (not that we aren't all flawed, but...) you are too charismatic so people don't like you? How does that even make sense? You sound like you're bragging about your personality flaws, even taking pride in the fact that others don't accept you, as if that makes you beautiful and unique.

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28 Name: OP : 2008-05-22 13:22 ID:z1ouznaS


Thanks for your critique and don't feel sorry. I am very open to what 4-channers have to say about this. Otherwise, I would never post here.
Yes, I have a problem, that's for sure. I am now looking on finding exactly what part of my personality generates such avoidance... When I said that I won't change I meant I can't become someone else... Sudden lack of identity would be more grave than this problem. When I said that I socialize, I didn't mean hanging out with my friends. I am able to carry out unforced conversation on probably any topic with a complete stranger. I never feel awkward in such situations and I never lack words. As I said earlier, I am really well-rounded with no geeky/nerdy grimaces or similar awkward behavior. I have an impression that is how you envision me.

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29 Name: OP : 2008-05-22 13:51 ID:z1ouznaS


OK, I see how you got the impression that I sounded like bragging. Call it my defensive mechanism, I guess. It's not like most people are too different from me at that either. But that's not a valid excuse, I know. I am determined to become more open in dealing with my flaws, but when I ask my friends to define them so I can see what I have to deal with, I hit the wall. They say there's nothing wrong. This female friend of mine says that I spend too much time thinking of what I screwed up in life and that I learned to move on by simply ignoring failures. I spoke to her yesterday and she also said that there is nothing inherently flawed about me, except for the fact that I am somewhat pessimistic and even a bit cynical. According to her, I often tend to exaggerate and draw impossible conclusions. That's similar to what I've heard here so it's definitely something I have to work on.

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30 Name: OP : 2008-05-22 14:28 ID:z1ouznaS


Forgot to ask exactly what fat-burner did you use?

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-22 14:33 ID:Heaven

universal's hydroburn. probably not the best but it was on discount. help me lose 6 lbs in 2 weeks when i stop losing weight with diet & exercise alone. it does give me headache and trouble sleeping though so i'm probably gonna stop after i finish this bottle.

32 Name: OP : 2008-05-22 15:05 ID:z1ouznaS


Thanks, I'll try it. I used Himalaya's AyurSlim in the beginning. That helped me greatly but I don't have it anymore.. I might order some though. But based on your weight loss, I guess it's just the boost I need. Do you monitor your fat vs muscle loss? I have Omron's Fat Monitor. It's very reliable and so far I am mainly losing fat. There was some muscle loss though in the beginning but now it seems to be minimal compared to fat loss. Maybe that's a reason why it slowed down. I already started cutting on fruit and again nothing other than water after 6pm. I'll intensify excercise and brisk walks even more.

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-24 04:18 ID:szSmOoKb

ok so besides the weight loss and general image overhaul there is something else to think about.

Confidence... no girl wants to be around a guy who is not sure of himself and comfortable with who they are... not just physically but inside too. But at the same time cockyness just pisses 90% of girls off.

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34 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-25 02:06 ID:kxaF64O3

>> 33

Thanks a lot. I think that confidence is what I lack the most and you pointed it out. I am changing things about myself that are standing in my way to greater confidence. It's tough, but good things don't come easy in life, I guess...