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Antisocial Issues (17)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-15 20:58 ID:FJOKkx5u

Well, there's this guy I like, and we're really close friends. Problem is, he hates going outside. I guess that's pretty normal and all, and I can accept that, but generally if someone asks to hang out, you should agree, right? Especially if you get upset with yourself that you made that person mad. This happens to him more than once, and no matter what he still refuses to go anywhere.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-15 21:25 ID:/Sjrb7dZ

Bring him to non crowded places. Start with stuff related to his interests.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-15 21:42 ID:bbeUHlFO

I just got out of a relationship with someone exactly like that. It was a horrible experience which broke my heart, as he ended up leaving me because he would rather sit in his room alone than go out somewhere with me. I'd say steer clear if you can. Even becoming friends with someone like this will put a massive amount of stress on you, and it's obviously already effecting you. If he asks you for help to break his awkwardness, then try to do so. If not, leave him be.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-15 22:26 ID:pkbZo5wY

If he's got such serious problems about going outside, or being comfortable in his own skin, then there's not much you can do unless he asks you to help him. As for him liking the other girl, I'm guessing he's quite the obsessive type so I don't think you'd really be able to change his mind until he deals with his problems.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-16 00:58 ID:+ZuKI6hR

He's just lonely. Give him more attention. Take him to semi-secluded places. Make sure he is comfortable.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-16 01:24 ID:O27SeqQi

>>1 Lol i hate going outside too, at least he keeps it real and doesn't fake it.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-17 21:15 ID:yX6Z22p4

i wouldnt push him too much. he has a psychological problem that should be treated with medication and therapy. since you guys are close friends he obviously trusts you with his problem. dont push him too hard. you gotta take a gentle approach.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-17 22:01 ID:FJOKkx5u

OP here.

>> As for him liking the other girl, I'm guessing he's quite the obsessive type
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9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-17 23:14 ID:vtq4bj+o

It might indeed lower him if you leave him.

But you might also try one thing (remember that you're also doing that to preserve yourself): act as an electroshock. Meet up with him, then install a "serious discussion" frame, explain him that you're tired of his negative behaviour, that it's starting to impact you, and (most important) that you believe he can get out of this situation, and that you believe in him. Tell him you just can't put up with it anymore, you have a life of your own and so on.

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10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-17 23:19 ID:jjd17fL5

>>8 knocking him unconscious and getting him drunk IS NOT the way to go...

i'm somewat part of da NHK movement as well...but on da minority side. i do sit in my dorm most of da day...readin' manga, watch anime, play video games...da usual shit. however, my gf (who is da complete opposite) has tried to be like me to get closer. she failed most of da time, but i guess she realized dat i am this because of stress of school and my alerted-attention i have when i'm not with her. on da flipside, i saw her try so hard to understand me...dat i actually got out of my shell for a while and started going out for once. now i play tennis and soccer occasionally...and hang out wit my gf outside school.

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11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-17 23:29 ID:Heaven

>da da da da da da da

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-17 23:42 ID:FJOKkx5u

Yes, OP again. Thanks for the advice.

>>9,I think he knows that he can potentially lose his friends here. He knows that the reason all of his friends get mad at him is because he refuses to go out. I think that he knows that he could potentially lose them (and me) all, and while he gets talks about this in a depression at this he still insists on declining firmly. I just don't have the heart to tell him that he's being a selfish little bitch and a lot of other people go out of their ways to make others happy, no matter how uncomfortable they feel, and if he's moping about it then he should just effing agree already. I KNOW that he really likes his friends, but why won't he please them when they (and I) all go out of our way to spend time with him?
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13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-18 00:15 ID:bbeUHlFO

>>8 I'm not sure about your Community College, but my local one has an auto-acceptance policy. If you can pay, you can get in. All you have to do is take a college placement test, and if you fail, they stick you in some extra classes. Or is that not what he's concerned about?

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14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-21 23:37 ID:CTY45TKE

I am sort of like your friend. I work and go to school, so I'm tired most of the time and get grumpy unless I have my "me-time." And usually, I turn down all invitations to be social if it gets away from my "me time". Whether it's sitting at home with take out and pizza or sitting under a tree reading while reading a book at school, I don't like it when people unknowningly disturb me. But even then, I'll go out with my friends a few days out of the week.

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15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-26 02:43 ID:FJOKkx5u

OP here

>> My question is, why do you like this guy? It seems like he doesn't even want to hang out with you.
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16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-26 09:37 ID:bbeUHlFO

>>15, >>3 here.

Reading this tugs on my heart, as it seems to be beginning exactly as my relationship did. As much as I'd like to try to say that your situation is different from mine, it seems obvious that they are far too similar, and the result will likely be the same. I'm going to say it again - spare yourself. Don't get too close to this kind of person. It will tear you apart. It will end in tears, unless you are willing to change a large portion of yourself to be with this kind of person. Can you really stand spending every day inside with him? Will his lack of self-confidence truly remain intriguing, or how long will it be until you grow sick of it? Are you really willing to accept his cold-shoulder rejections, simply because he wants to sit inside all day? Do you have a future with him, and can you accept that he'll likely never be able to hold down a job, especially considering what a slacker he is now? How stable can your own mind remain around such a weak person?

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17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-28 13:22 ID:rss04iOO

Now why does girls only date assholes and hikikomori's? what about us sweet guys? why won't we get any other treatment than "let's stay friends?", pft.

Anyway, talk about his problem, regularly, and try to give him insight on your own feelings regarding it, eventually, unless he seriously doesn't give a shit about anyone, he will change.