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A complex situation... (15)


1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-24 07:23 ID:dhNWqro5

I'm not really sure where to begin with this story, and it may be a little disjointed trying to fit everything in, but here is the gist. (prepare for extreme tl;dr)

4 or so odd years ago I became friends with another girl over the internet. At first we were just typical online aquaintances, but somewhere around when we began college we started to talk to each other everyday and do almost everything together, becoming(at least what I would call) close friends.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-24 11:13 ID:vxHnJe4X

You should have stated explicitely that you were a girl, though I guess the "another girl" should've given it away.
Well... I can't really speak for you, because I'm not in your head and I'm not a girl, but I guess that if you considered her as a close friend and she told you she sees you as casual, it's a bit like being rejected romantically. When you think of someone as a "best friend", you're creating a bond of sorts between the two of you; the other person telling you you're a casual friend is denying you this bond.

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3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-24 21:30 ID:dhNWqro5

>>1 here, thank you for your insightful words. I'll continue from where I left off, as this is when things began to go downhill.

After my friend came to visit, I found things began to go the opposite of what they used to. I became a lot more open (maybe too open sometimes) about how I felt, and she, instead of poking fun at me to be open minded and 'get my goat' so to speak, began to back away. It seemed the more I talked about how she was 'the most important person to me' and that I cared about her a lot, the more she laughed it off and tried to be casual. She's someone who doesn't like to appear 'weak'. So to make up for her small build and girly voice, she tries to act tough/strong/independent (she's admitted to this herself). This, however, most of the time just comes off as being a complete asshole, and was the basis of a lot of our arguments. I becoming too clingy, and her too reserved.

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4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-02 04:01 ID:dhNWqro5

It's >>1 again

Wow, did the epic tl;dr of this kill the topic? Nothing's really changed, just got done with another fight... Seems it can't go over a week without happening. I know you Secret Admirers out there have some words of wisdom!

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-02 04:15 ID:SjaAKA8A

Honestly at this point I think you're better off just breaking off contact. From what it sounds like you've got a thing for her, but she's into guys and not into you, and thus drama ensues. By continuing to hang out with her your feelings won't go away.
This love/hate relationship is also NOT healthy. It sucks to lose friends but you need to worry about your own mental health right now. Start finding some other people to hang out with / talk to, and let her live her own life.

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6 Name: Thunder!3GqYIJ3Obs : 2008-05-02 05:54 ID:dGi3QjyD

OP, you have to KILL your romantic feelings for her.

Speaking as a bi girl, if she were into you, she would have responded positively by now. You have more or less confessed to her your feelings on more than one occasion, and she only responds by pushing you away, right? It's the same in any best-friend type relationship, gay or straight, when one of them develops unrequited feelings for the other...the more you like her and try to push her into something, the more she will be uncomfortable and try to push away.

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7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-02 07:03 ID:lkrc5cJ/

This has happened to me in the past except it was with another boy. I'll share my story.

We met on an internet forum which was dedicated to a certain series. He introduced himself as a girl and was the only 'girl' who happened to be active on that forum. I didn't really pay attention to this girl until one day out of the blue she PM'd me asking for my MSN address. Back then I was naive and would give my address if asked so I gave it to her and we started to get to know each other.

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8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-02 07:12 ID:dhNWqro5

>>5 It was a silly thing really, they always are really trivial. I had txt messaged her a couple times asking where she was and what was up and she didn't respond to anything until she came home the next day. No real reason either, just because she 'didn't feel like it'. A simple thing, but she tends to lack certain considerate actions like that.

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9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-02 07:17 ID:lkrc5cJ/

>>8
OP I really hope you get through this without too many emotional scars.

10 Name: Tsunderekko : 2008-05-02 07:27 ID:dhNWqro5

>>7 I caught this reply right as I was leaving!

It -is- nice to have a kindred spirit. It's really funny because I began to see my relationship progression as a 'tsundere' act as well. I was for a long time standoffish and uptight about a lot of things, but after a while these emotional outbursts included random words of affection. I have no idea what came over me with this girl. Tsunderes unite! ^^

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11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-02 07:32 ID:lkrc5cJ/

I've a thing for tsundere girls. Although those were just anime crushes.

It's a little easier to try to ignore these feelings because I've never met him in real life but I often think about trying to talk to him again but every time I do he's playing games.

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12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-02 17:26 ID:SjaAKA8A

>>8
5 here. Your situation sounds a lot like an online relationship I had once..we ended up getting into huge arguments over the stupidest things, I had to break it off for the sake of both of us staying sane. I know how you feel about messaging and never getting an answer, too, I've got a few 'friends' on AIM/MSN who do that, ugh. You're not pathetic, don't even think that..it happens. You just gotta' get over it and move on as I did...and I admit it wasn't easy, and half of it was my fault to begin with.

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13 Name: Tsunderekko : 2008-05-05 06:37 ID:dhNWqro5

Jealousy sure is a bitch.

I was able to avoid much conversation all weekend, but today I found out she'd spent the entire weekend at another friend's house (also stayed over earlier this week too). This friend really bugs me, because my friend is employed by her mom at a home run business, and hence they get to spend time together -all the time-. We spent a lot more time together before she met this girl...

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14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-05 06:53 ID:lkrc5cJ/

I know exactly how you feel. It's not nice to be/feel like you've been tossed aside and replaced by something else. Especially if that something else is a machine.

15 Name: Tsunderekko : 2008-06-14 04:32 ID:dhNWqro5

I always tend to wander back here when I have nowhere else to go... A 'lonely hearts club' of sorts I guess. Reading the posts here helps me feel better at least.

Don't really know what to say, more of the usual on and off with friend. I'm just feeling particularly crushed right now... sometimes I feel like I just want to go back to being a NEET. It was her encouragement and the prospect of meeting irl that pushed me back into working on college and getting a job in the first place.

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