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A complex situation... (15)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-04-24 07:23 ID:dhNWqro5

I'm not really sure where to begin with this story, and it may be a little disjointed trying to fit everything in, but here is the gist. (prepare for extreme tl;dr)

4 or so odd years ago I became friends with another girl over the internet. At first we were just typical online aquaintances, but somewhere around when we began college we started to talk to each other everyday and do almost everything together, becoming(at least what I would call) close friends.

About a year after this, I began to notice some strange changes in my attitude. I'm a typical loner, who doesn't like to concern myself too much with other people and their problems. However, I found myself starting to get bothered by her friends/boyfriend etc, without any real reason I could think of. It was around this time she (shockingly) told me she still thought of me more as an 'aquaintance'than a friend, because I wasn't a very open person. For the first time..something like that really hurt me, and from that point on I wanted to do everything in my power to become a 'best friend'.

Soon after this we both got jobs, and began to see less of each other. That's when the problems began... I found myself starting to have sudden emotional outbursts and arguments over really trivial things, as opposed to keeping my thoughts to myself as I usually do. This smoothed over a bit that summer, when we had more free time without school to deal with. She even came to visit me for a week.

But now I began to start questioning myself...and my feelings. Thoughts began to creep into my head. Why did I get annoyed with her bf and friends for taking time away from me? Why did it bother me that she treated me as a 'casual' friend? Yes, for the first time in my life I was questioning both my heart and my sexuality.

That's about half of the story, but I think I will pause and let the anons get their current thoughts in before I continue.

Some quick facts:
-She claims to be bi (and has made plenty of joking/half joking(?)passes and dialogue at me because of my former uptightness about being straight)
-I've never had a boyfriend before (aside from a shitty online one that was totally superficial)
-I'm currently 20 years old

That's all I can think to say right now, feel free to pick my brain about anything else. I will post part 2 tommorow, maybe?