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Should the mentally ill date each other? (16)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-01 21:40 ID:elqMqhj7

I'm a young guy with bipolar disorder (that has, in the past, been quite severe), and I have a few fellow psychos as friends, and recently I was talking to an older friend who also has schizophrenia about an interesting question: Should people with mental illness date each other?

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-02 12:34 ID:Heaven

Non-insane guy here. I would like to fall in love with an insane girl because that's moe.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-02 14:10 ID:elqMqhj7

...How is that moe?

4 Name: Thunder!3GqYIJ3Obs : 2008-05-02 14:21 ID:+W2Y29+e

>>3 in that it's a real fantasy to have a crazy girl to be in love with/in love with you.

like, a cute crazy girl who says weird things but loves you.

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5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-02 14:38 ID:elqMqhj7

OP here

Oh God, I could never date a Borderline person. No, no, no. I'd date a schizo before I'd date a borderline. That may sound cold and judgmental, but I know EXACTLY what you're talkin' about Thunder.

6 Name: Thunder!3GqYIJ3Obs : 2008-05-02 14:58 ID:+W2Y29+e

Yeah, I'd also date schizo waaaayy before borderline, as long as it wasn't paranoid-schizophrenic who saw people telling them to kill me. :p

But why do we say these things? It's a case of self-preservation. i don't think it was right for the girl just to drop you like that, she could have tried to talk it out with you, but I'm sure she was scared of liking you and ending up hurt, the same way we couldn't handle being with borderline people. bipolar is difficult, but not unmanageable with medication, but the fears for "normal" people are similar.

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7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-02 15:24 ID:9E0k9o63

Wow, I always thought 'borderline' was a generic term, I didn't know it was an actual Psychology term. Sucks that I fall into many of its categories... but that probably is because I am (well, mostly used to be) very melancholic and am a misunderstood artist ::dramatic posture::
Just kidding, but there are traits described in this case that fit me well, just I don't cut, am not an attention whore and I am a gourmet so no appetite disorders, haha. And more important, I know for sure I'm no threat... So careful what you label 'borderline'!

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8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-02 19:07 ID:7nOk1AD+

My girlfriend is diagnosed Bipolar, on medication for it, and one of the most mature, stable people I know;

I love her deeply, and wouldn't have her any other way, frankly...

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9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-02 22:56 ID:l1Pg+sjD

Hello, female bipolar here. I'd like to share a story as food for thought: when I was younger and still did not know I was bipolar, I had four very close friends. I'm not the most social person out there, so when I make friends, I make it a point to make good, close friends that I'll want to keep. However, during a particularly severe depression, I decided I was not worth such wonderful friends, called them up, and said what boils down to: "I don't want to be friends anymore".

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10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-02 23:37 ID:9E0k9o63

I think you should tell beforehand. So the person knows where he/she is going. And knows if he/she cares enough to want to still try and build something.

I think if you hide it (be it volontarly or by "omitting" to mention it), well first you're not being frank and that's never good for a relationship, especially on something that serious; but also, the "sudden discovery" might be more scary and is more likely to make people run away than the upfront confrontation (because they had time to get used to it).

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11 Name: >>8 : 2008-05-03 10:55 ID:7nOk1AD+

#8 here;

To >>9, about your situation:

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12 Name: >>9 : 2008-05-03 13:34 ID:l1Pg+sjD

>>8, thank you for your response! You made my day :) It's nice to know there are people who know we're not crazy!

I'd like to ask you a question, but feel free not to answer if you feel it's too personal. Like I mentioned before, I would much rather have a few close friends that I share everything with rather than many friends who I don't talk with often... however, this means that that closer you are to me, the more crap you'll have to deal with.

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13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-03 15:45 ID:QWLmLWiC

>OP and other males here, please let me know if you have an opinion about this. If you were with a headcase, would you be willing/able to deal with random fits of almost-hysteria?

I'd date the crazy girl, but she'd have to wear a straightjacket whenever I was alone with her. Which is fine, 'cuz that's kinda my kink.

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14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-03 16:01 ID:+W2Y29+e


yeah, but what about when you're both depressed...?

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-03 16:38 ID:elqMqhj7

OP here

I disagree, 11. Mental illness DOES make you who you are. It's the way your brain is hard-wired, it effects your development as a person and it effects the nature of your personality. It is NOT the same as having a heart condition or any other physical disease, it is something quite different. People with a heart condition or that are handicapped don't decide to randomly max out their credit cards on eBay buying jewelry, or slash their arm to pieces with a butcher-knife, or think their neighbor is out to kill them, or decide randomly to throw themselves in front of a car (all of which I have done, lol).

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16 Name: >>9 : 2008-05-03 18:35 ID:l1Pg+sjD

An addendum to OP:

I have to agree that having a mental disorder affects you a lot more then a physical condition, but this is the way I look at it: mental disorders are similar to chronic physical conditions in that they are there. Be it a cold or cancer, with proper medication you have a chance to recover. But with chronic situations, say like asthma, it's there to stay. You end up not being able to play particularly difficult sports, and that defines who you are. I guess in the end it's a matter of how much it affects you?
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