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If you could go back and change one thing... (14)

6 Name: soccerfuu9 : 2008-05-12 03:20 ID:jMBwSrOv

Although I don't regret the decision to loving my current girlfriend...I always wondered this...

There was this girl in high school that was (like my girlfriend) a girl met by accident. We met after my dumbass best friend pushed me into a crowd during a school dance cause no other girls would dance with me. Actually, she's been trying to dance with me all night, and we ended up being together the rest of the time there.

We were on the same track & field time, and hung out whenever practice was over (I didn't hang out with her before practice cause I went to a different school for academics in the morning)...however, we never actually took things seriously between us. I mean, we went out once in a while for dinner, a movie, etc., but I felt that she didn't really had it in me for a chance in love.

My ONLY chance came during prom my sophomore year. She (a junior) decided to invite me. We had a great time with friends from the track & field team...including getting lost in another town looking for a particular restaurant, riding in a limo, and "grinding" with the one girl that I was at the time in love with. We eventually went to a friend's house to watch the Disney movie "Aladdin." We were sleepy...but we still had a great time talking and such.

Now, to the "regretting" part. Two things were possible here: 1) I could of taken her outside or to a different room and confess that I loved her, or 2) kissed/hugged her while she was sleeping. I was VERY tempted at the time,and really want to express my feelings to her. However, as my 15 year old self was, I was feeling anxious and struggling whether I am doing the right thing by restraining myself. In the end, we parted way the next early morning.

We eventually hung out for a few more times, before she confessed that she was bi-sexual and wanted to date other girls. At first I was cool with it...but the next year when prom came around, she asked me whether she could bring her girlfriend along as well. I was stupid (I'm not that type of person to say "more girls, more fun") to not completely consider her feelings, but eventually the damage was done when I told her "fuck you...go out with your fucking whore" and dropped it all.

Three years later, I was dating my girlfriend at the time when my ex-crush appeared in my life again. At one point, I was wondering whether I should re-kindle that light with her and forget my current love. The girl just came back from service in the army for a visit, and I still had some feelings for her (despite that she's a bi). However, it eventually made sense that not only was I making an injustice for my current girlfriend, but also to myself for being so indecisive. Here I was loving someone for more than 24 months (at the time) and being so dedicated, and was going to throw all that away for another girl I had indecisive feelings for. When we finally had our one-on-one meeting, the ex-crush and I finally dropped all we had for each other. She admitted that when we went out to prom together a few years back, she liked me also. It was just that I didn't pull the trigger, and apparently she was waiting for me to say "I love you." IF I did do that, she felt we would still be going out today (despite her being bi and going to the army). However, as much as I can see it, it was never to be.

So basically, I COULD of gone back in time to prom, tell my bitch-ass self not to be a coward towards my ex-crush, and actually confess. Though my fate would had been changed decisively due to that choice, I feel contempt with the current choices I made towards the loves of my life, including my girlfriend.

There are more I can share...