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If you could go back and change one thing... (14)

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-05-22 01:36 ID:WnomiUvd


No, not really. I suppose I shouldn't have ever been in a relationship in the first place, because having to think to feel emotion instead of letting unidentified feelings sweep you away is how I was the entire time. So, when I wasn't thinking about her, I didn't give a shit. And when I was physically with her, in bed, having sex, I exerted all my mental capacities just to find a reason for having stayed with her, for having been fucking her, and for telling her that I 'loved' her, when I honestly did not. She threatened to kill herself often if I didn't 'get back' together with her. Therefore I often did so at the expense of my time, and the sparing of her life.

The time we had together was an experience, a sequence of memories that I can pick apart and study. It wasn't anything special. I know I sound like a monster, but I'm really not. I just jumped into it because I was curious about how relationships worked. We're through now, she loves someone else, and I'm... "Happy", if not relieved, that she isn't holding any false hope for me anymore.