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Should I stay or should I go? (13)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-14 03:20 ID:2O5YL0tB

So here's the story, /love/:

I'm a young female in her early 20's, just graduated from college, who has never been in a serious relationship. I'm passingly pretty - I don't get seriously chased, but I've been hit on IRL, and I've been on multiple dates. But I have never had a boyfriend. Six months ago, I met a guy through RP'ing online.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-14 08:09 ID:o+xNwByW

well don't give up. $2k can be saved, especially if it's someone you really care about (idk how much more your expenses would be though). you really can't make any long-term plans unless you get on well with him irl.

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3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-14 09:52 ID:tMZEbqRg

If you "think" you're in love, don't do it. I'd go to another continent if I found someone special for me no matter what the cost, hell, i'd be excited to go.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-14 14:04 ID:Sspefl9N

Distinguish between sex-RP and cybering.

Anyway, I'm not usually one to condone internet relationships, but I guess like >>2 said, save up. Treat it as a holiday. If it doesn't work out, and both of you aren't what you imagined to be, then that's fine. At least you confirmed it yourself, instead of thinking "what could have been". I'd be more worried about it working out. Because then things would get tricky.

5 Name: H.K. : 2008-06-14 14:47 ID:m17FWoTK

Don't give up.
If for one second you feel in your heart that it could be something special, then you shouldn't give up. Like >>3 said, if you think you're in love, don't do it, because it might be something special that could lead to a lot of happiness down the road. If you feel he is unique by knowing you so much, and he desires to give you the kinds of love you need, then you shouldn't doubt for a minute. No matter how far away, never doubt love.

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6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-14 17:20 ID:2O5YL0tB

Hey guys. OP here. I just got off the phone with him. I told him that I wanted to go for it...but the type of commitment he wants, at this point in my life, I am not prepared to give. Yes, I can say yes to a month of visiting, but anything more than that (he said maybe going for six months to a year of studying there...) I couldn't even envision. I live my life from moment to moment right now, and my main concern is getting into grad school, etc, to continue on with my life. I can't even see ahead one year into the future, nevermind three or four.

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7 Name: 43 : 2008-06-15 01:27 ID:+QQFjo4i


When I'm heart broken is usually due to an argument so my advice might not be useful for you but I'll give it anyway:

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8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-15 16:42 ID:Sspefl9N

He sounds instable and unreliable. Seriously, first of all, why does it have to be you who has to make the sacrifice? 6 months to a year?? He's already calling the shots and trapping you into a contract, not a relationship. Sure you can go now. IF HE PAYS fumes. Second of all, what right does he have to pressure you like this? If his love was really that great, then couldn't he wait for you? I would rather spend time feeling heartbroken for a few weeks or so, rather than throwing my next 6 months of my time in the hands of someone I've never met irl. He is being unreasonable and selfish.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-16 06:50 ID:491nlBzd

>>8 is completely right. Ever hear the saying true love is patient? I know of a girl who met a guy online and just like you, SHE went to see him. She ended up getting pregnant and hes turning up to be a complete deadbeat who doesn't want to get a job.

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10 Name: OP : 2008-06-16 12:33 ID:2O5YL0tB

Okay, this is OP again :( Newest update is that one day after we said goodbye "forever," he called me up again and said he realized he couldn't be without me, even if it's painful. He said he wants to try to make it work, and I don't have to think about the future, just the trip is enough.

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11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-19 12:35 ID:Sspefl9N

No, no, no. Providing and taking care of you is all well and good, if he was your boyfriend, or someone you could at least trust. By accepting his apparent "hospitality", you're putting yourself in debt to a complete stranger. I'm sorry to say, but it's true, you've never met the guy in real life. It's just gonna be hard for you to break out of the relationship if it doesn't turn out (and possibly tricky for him). As I said before, if you go over there, and even START to depend on him, then you're putting yourself in a very vulnerable situation. You don't have any relatives or support networks over there for you to fall back on, so you're pretty much in his hands.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-30 14:34 ID:CTt0btQh

if he's already giving ultimatums and being so serious and dramatic, there is a high likelihood that he is possessive and potentially emotionally and/or physically abusive. don't put yourself under the power of someone you barely know.

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13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-06-30 20:36 ID:Heaven

I think you're seeing a bit far there. No need to be that overanalytic, seriously. Guys might be desperate for love sometimes without being complete psychos.

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