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I'm shy and I suck (42)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-01 20:38 ID:NGeWL2bg

For the last four years I've been friends with a girl (in the last months things have cooled down a little). Not a single time in these four years did I gather courage to tell her about my feelings. She is leaving in two weeks, leaving to some Nordic country and I don't think she's coming back. And here's my problem: I want to meet her for the last time before we'll part. Well, I'm a shy guy and I can't really just call her and say something among the lines of "hey, let's meet one last time before you'll throw me out of your memory". Would anyone please tell me what to do, give me some tips, or even encourage me?

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-01 20:40 ID:NGeWL2bg

Oh, if you're wondering about these last months, she made some new AWESOME friends and kinda ignores me now.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-01 20:51 ID:tNOBAfIk

Do you have her e-mail address?

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-01 20:51 ID:75592mG+

Do you have her username on an instant messaging program like AIM or MSN? If so, you could talk to her through that and arrange a meeting. In fact, that's how I was invited on a date.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-01 21:26 ID:NGeWL2bg

I do have her e-mail address and I was considering writing to her. That's what I'll probably do, but still, it just feels weird to me, like I'm barging into her new life, because she's already done with this part.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-01 22:09 ID:75592mG+


You aren't barging in on her new life! You still are part of her life, if she didn't like you (even just as a friend) she wouldn't be your friend. Try and talk to her one last time, or talk on the phone. I'm still nervous to talk to this one girl I like, and I've been on dates with her. So, it's now or never! Go for it!

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-01 22:16 ID:tNOBAfIk

I can tell you that talking on IM puts you right back in shy mode (phone I dunno), but you can calmly write a nice e-mail, and then be nervous only when you have to press submit.

Take a few hours to come up with something good.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-01 22:37 ID:NGeWL2bg

I have written an email. I haven't sent it yet, and there's no way I'll do it under normal conditions. So I decided to wait until I'm too sleepy to give a damn, and hit reply just before I go to bed. Call it cowardly and unmanly, but there's no other way for me.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-01 23:02 ID:75592mG+

Try and refine the email, what does it say? Does it work with you? Can you put anything else in it?

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-01 23:07 ID:PYVjIlcV

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-01 23:23 ID:NGeWL2bg

Something among the lines of (translated, better style of the original, obviously):
"Hey, I know that you're pretty busy right now, but could you please do one last thing from me? I still have some things that I want to clear out with you, so I'd like to meet you one more time and talk some things through. So, if you have nothing against it, could you tell me when you're coming to [my city]*, so we could meet? I really, really would appreciate it if you did find an hour for me and did not try to evade it :)"

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12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-01 23:54 ID:75592mG+

Hmmm, I suggest taking out the "nothing against it", it makes it seem a bit odd.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-02 00:11 ID:NGeWL2bg

Oh, okay, I see now. Will do, and will send in an hour.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-02 00:17 ID:NGeWL2bg

Uhm, should I thank her at the end, or would it be too forceful?

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-02 00:28 ID:PYVjIlcV

"one last thing from me" is too much too probably. Just put a casual "something", the tone of the rest of the letter is enough to convey your idea.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-02 00:29 ID:PYVjIlcV

Nah, just put a "see ya soon" or something like that.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-02 00:43 ID:NGeWL2bg

Title, title, title, give me a title!

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-02 00:45 ID:PYVjIlcV

"Are you gonna be around soon?" or something like that...

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-02 00:59 ID:NGeWL2bg

Fuuuuuuck, I have done it. I can't explain how light do I feel now.

Thank you, thank all of you, you've been a great help. I'll keep you informed on what happens next. Goodnight.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-02 02:58 ID:PYVjIlcV

Goodnight... and good luck!

21 Name: anon2008 : 2008-07-02 10:29 ID:CozlFdsg

keep us updated =D fingers crossed

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-02 12:28 ID:naIHPE8g

I just got a mail form her. She has agreed, I'm going to meet her this Friday or in the weekend. It's awesome. You guys are awesome.

Holy crap, I'm happy, I'm so god-damn happy.

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-02 12:32 ID:naIHPE8g

Actually, I'm so happy I'm crying.

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-02 16:16 ID:PYVjIlcV

It's great! Now do what you think is best on your meeting :)

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-03 07:41 ID:pp3m22R6


Good luck!!

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-03 17:11 ID:p/WyA55H

Sorry to be blunt, but don't be so happy. She's still leaving and you don't even know how shit will work out.

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-03 18:25 ID:oBLDryOS

>>22 can't you sense the mood? Party. Pooper.

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-03 18:26 ID:oBLDryOS

i meant >>26 , but thats obvious.

29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-03 22:11 ID:/zJqMmls

Oh, thank you for reminding me, I totally forgot (really).
But at least I'll have concluded that part of my life and not leave it open.

30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-06 00:06 ID:IkkEPwDz


But don't leave us hanging!

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-06 00:23 ID:fqwXsrjF


I met up with her today, we've been hanging out for about two hours and I can say that these were among the best hours of my life.
First of all, I didn't tell her anything serious. Just that I'll be missing her and such stuff. And I did it because...

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32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-06 00:27 ID:fqwXsrjF

Oh, and, seeing how things are working out (like her saying that she'll miss me greatly, or that she'll enjoy me escorting her home from her job every Saturday), I predict a friendship renewal, and some possibilities for taking it further in the future.

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-08 03:40 ID:8YnVh6Ak

Her saying those things is a really good sign! Of course, I wouldn't jump to conclusions and assume she's in love with you or anything, but because she's open to spending more time with you, I think you have a good chance of starting a relationship with her.
I'd be careful about the confession, though. I think it's good to do it, but don't sound too needy or too... serious, I guess is the word. If you make it sound like your entire life is depending on her answer, it'll be a huge turn off for her.

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34 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-08 09:46 ID:MTIMlqb4

I never assumed that she's in love with me, in fact, I am sure that she is not. But, as you said, she's in position to be.
And about the confession, well, seeing that I won't be saying goodbye to her any time soon, I will take my time, no worries
(if she'll be staying, of course; I'll know for sure next Saturday, I'll let you guys know.).

35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-11 20:49 ID:J11gcv+B


i'll be praying that she stays dude.

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36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-12 22:42 ID:5958lydt

Uhm, I was supposed to have the answers today, but things got a little complicated. Basically, yesterday she's gone on a vacation for a week, so I had to hook up with her earlier, when she didn't have the answers yet.
I'll let you know next week.

37 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-18 23:50 ID:RbwxChmo

Well, game over.
I don't really want to talk about, I'm just concluding this stuff.

38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-19 02:11 ID:48DaEbQx

sorry to hear that. you did good :(

39 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-22 08:25 ID:7ObGc/af

Ha ha.

40 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-24 23:23 ID:kbunzVZW

OP here again, I'll shed some final light on this case (sorry for being a bit vague, but I'm a little paranoid about being recognised).

First of all, women are fickle, uhm, things. She's staying, but I'm not. Doesn't really matter, because I will be coming back each weekend and I will be able to meet her then. I'm not really on cloud nine, but at least we will be seeing each other in the future and that matters.

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41 Name: MegaOrc : 2008-07-24 23:30 ID:1NV93JsG

@ OP You do suck. Go shit on yourself why don't you.

42 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-27 08:28 ID:h9LdLzHa

@ MegaOrc

don't waste a post like that fool

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