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What's in a hug? (81)


1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-21 16:59 ID:cd7aZPnO

I've had a crush on someone I have a standard friendship relationship with and am scared to make the first move for fear of scaring him away. Lately I've been driving myself mad with a strong desire to make physical contact. Just hand holding or hugging or something, but alas these are not things you can just do without a good reason.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-21 17:43 ID:ZWefOpx5

>>Anyone have any input over this?

Yeah, I was smiling and laughing while I read this. You're so cute in your insecurities.

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3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-21 21:02 ID:Heaven

>>2
Just slightly squeeze his hand (you don't need to look at him). If he squeezes back... then there definitely is something there.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-22 00:13 ID:bg1FLPxC

Squeeze hands? Hahahahaha lame!

But for some reason I take hugs seriously. I've wanted to really try and make it a goal to not really hug a girl until we are in a sort of serious relationship.

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5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-22 00:55 ID:hIwK50Bo

well i've read that guys will try to initiate touch when he likes a girl... sooo it is possible that he hugged you because it was like the perfect opportunity to hug and thank you (without you knowing it being more). (touch yes!!!)

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6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-22 09:06 ID:4C94OOPj

is the TS a guy?

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-23 05:48 ID:cd7aZPnO

>>6
I am a girl.

I appreciate all of the advise so far. Sometimes I'm dead certain that he feels the same way about me, and other times I feel like I'm totally wrong. I'm at a breaking point as far as needing physical contact from him goes. When I think about holding hands or hugging him, my knees go soft and my chest and stomach start floating. When I think of kissing him, I feel faint. I fantasize about tripping, falling into him and him catching me, I fantasize about falling asleep next to him, I think a lot about how wonderful it would be if he just put his arm around me. It's mostly innocent stuff (though admittedly not entirely so), and I want it so badly. Just some mutually enjoyable physical contact initiated by him.

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8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-23 05:48 ID:Y5NVwnHP

>>6 Did you even read her story? Where she says she baked him a cake? They they sorta flirted? How she said he hugged her? Guys don't do that to guys, genius.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-23 21:16 ID:iGyFEn0i

It depends. If she is NOT touchy-feely with me that doesn't mean she DOESN'T like me.... not everyone is like that.

But what a story you just told! This reminds me of my situations! I hope it works out!

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10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-23 21:25 ID:ZWefOpx5

>>How much weight do guys place on how often a girl willingly touches you?

I don't put any weight in it, I only mind or don't mind depending on wether I like her/feel comfortable with her or not.

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11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-24 06:37 ID:0cu85dO4

I think >>10 has got it right.
After reading your sweet sidewalk story, it is definitely apparent that he likes you. It's so nice to read something so innocent nowadays. A change from the hotblooded, shallow young love posts.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-24 07:02 ID:kKRdCJN1

>>7

>Girls are supposed to be touchy-feely and grab arms and caress hands and thighs without needing a reason; it's just something females are expected to do. But I don't like touching people. It's uncomfortable. I worry that not touching him for any reason may be sending negative signals. How much weight do guys place on how often a girl willingly touches you?
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13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-24 07:06 ID:kKRdCJN1

>>12
I get the impression you're going to get all wound up and totally miss my meaning, so let me add this...

You say touching people makes you uncomfortable. Awesome. Whatever. Supposing this is true, you HAVE NOT found a boyfriend until you've found the guy who for some reason, you don't just feel comfortable touching -- you want to (indeed, must) touch.

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14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-30 18:16 ID:EufajPfY

So what happened? This is one of the few threads where I liked the OP. Update!

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-08-01 02:18 ID:cFihZds1

Oh wow~ This is such a cute story.

I felt like this with my boyfriend before we were together! I was longing for a hug, a smile, anything! The night he invited me to sleep over at his house ( Alot of other people were sleeping over so I didnt know if it was a sign he liked me or not) he let me sleep on his bed, as I already had passed out there, and he slept on the floor. When I woke up, I wanted so badly to lay down next to him, cuddle him while he was asleep, and maybe go back to sleep before he woke up. Unfortunately, I was too shy.

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16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-08-02 15:43 ID:Heaven

>>15

awwwwww

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-08-05 06:58 ID:AYhMUBft

Why do girls always like going to Ikea?

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-08-05 11:59 ID:0cu85dO4

Awww. Wants to read more cute-innocent stories like this...
Should be a separate thread.....!

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-08-06 16:00 ID:TDCH7rMg

He probably likes you but doesn't want to seem too forward for fear of scaring you off. I'd be more worried if a guy completely glomped on, that would make conversation so unnatural after the hug.

20 Name: secret : 2008-08-09 07:13 ID:6HIfLnrI

he does like you but doesn't know how to tell you, so he waits on you, so you might as well just ask him or make it very clear to him as you did to all of us

21 Name: crush crushing u : 2008-08-09 18:55 ID:X4lnlZoY

Hmm, I wonder why he doesn't ask you out, or tell you that he likes you? Guys tend to be up front about that, but then again guys are just as worried about being rejected as girls are. He probably does like you, the signs were all there at the ice story. The thing is that if anything is going to happen one of you has to budge and make a move. Someone has to take a plunge, someone has to break the stare. One of you has to take the risk and go out on the limb.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-08-11 12:03 ID:/oFoK+mH

>>21
Actually, they're probably more worried. Because of the whole bullshit about how they're supposed to repress their emotions and act strong and stuff. Being rejected isn't that much of a proof of power or anything.

23 Name: secret : 2008-08-26 04:48 ID:6HIfLnrI

moar!!!

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-08-26 09:05 ID:CnyeHxjv

While I'm not saying this is definitely the case, some guys feel like they should be asked out by the girls. This often leaves most of them alone for a long time, but it's not always up to the guy to make this move.

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25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-08-26 11:02 ID:BxoQBrc+

2 things:

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26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-08-29 16:50 ID:DjldQO3I

>>1

if you want something, just go for it

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27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-08-30 07:06 ID:dF3CbfVJ

Thread Starter here. I've read this entire thread over and over again, and >>26 pretty much sums it up. I have to stop playing the coy waif and tell him how I feel. I initiated talking to him in the first place and, over the course of the last year, that lead to the friendship we have now. There's been more development as far as touching goes between us in just the last couple weeks, and I'm taking it as a good sign.

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28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-08-30 07:07 ID:dF3CbfVJ

[continued from the above post]

As I've never dated I can't be certain, but it seems to me that we're doing everything a dating couple would do except for having physical (and intimate) contact with one another.

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29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-08-31 01:48 ID:ETE3CvSo

>>28

>As I've never dated I can't be certain, but it seems to me that we're doing everything a dating couple would do except for having physical (and intimate) contact with one another.
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30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-01 15:24 ID:Heaven

OP I want to say I think this story is great and you have support!

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-04 07:44 ID:dF3CbfVJ

He hugged me again!!~! After a three-day weekend of being together for most of it, he hugged me again!! I'm both happy and worried. But I hope I'm just paranoid.

The shelter thing didn't work out; more volunteers showed up and he actually spent more time talking to a different woman than he did to me. They had never met before, and as soon as she started talking to him, her hands were on him. Right on his arm, again and again. I realized I was very jealous. It just doesn't seem natural to reach out and touch someone during a conversation. But this woman did it over and over again. And she didn't even know him! And as we left she said, "Well, glad to have met you. Maybe some night when I'm working here alone you could come and help me out." GRRRR. As his friend I have no right to get jealous or upset. But if I make a move soon, then I have every right to slash her tires the next time we meet. I've definitely got incentive to keep moving forward.

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32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-04 07:45 ID:dF3CbfVJ

[continued from above]

Sunday was the day of the walk/dinner/movie, but his second job writing for a local paper interfered and he couldn't leave his house before getting a phone call. I met him at his house at 5PM and we started the movie. The movie finished and still no call. So, we remained on separate ends of the couch and watched television together for the first time. It was just Fox News' hurricane Gustave coverage, but it was a new activity. Time passed and we were both hungry, so we called a place for a pick up order and I volunteered to get it. But by the time it was ready to be picked up, it was after dark and he insisted on going instead. He assured me it was no problem and asked me to tend to the phone if it should ring. While he was gone I was slightly tempted to poke around the house and just look at stuff; I've only been inside of it a handful of times and I've never seen his bedroom. But I stayed on the couch next to the phone only getting up to use the restroom once. I sort of feel like I passed up an opportunity to "find something," but it would have felt wrong.

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33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-04 07:47 ID:dF3CbfVJ

[continued from above]

We decided to cut it short in light of the extreme discomfort the heat was causing, and off we were back to my doorstep. We chatted a bit, making lame jokes as usual. After all of that mental preparation, I chickened out again using the fact that he was carrying a grocery bag as an excuse not to go through with it. Finally we started our goodnights; we both said we had a great weekend and I made certain to say that I "enjoy our time together above everything else," to which he replied, "Ah, same here." And then it happened again: we were both standing and staring and I swear his eyes were glittering in the dim light of a far off street lamp. Just silently staring right into each other's eyes. I blanked out again, it was such a strange feeling, such a strange thing to be doing. I couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't break eye contact. That would have been painful. Staring, staring, staring. He wasn't smiling exactly, but his face was somehow pleasant. I probably looked like a suffocating guppy. Staring, staring-- no words, just eyes. I could have stayed like that forever. And suddenly he was moving. Forward. Arms around me. Mine around him. Holding. Lasting. Involuntarily went up on my tippy-toes. I squeezed really hard. I let go and so did he. Then suddenly I was on my steps and saying good bye. He made a joke and I made a reply that didn't make any sense at all and I was dizzy and light and happy and he'll call me when he's home and now I'm in side I'm shutting my door-- and I literally fell to the floor. Breathing heavily and not moving for minutes.

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34 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-04 11:44 ID:lG3W3Ysu

awwwwwwwwww, it's so sweet! And I just love how you described your experiences. =)
A hug, that's a good start! I think you're right, if a guy doesn't want to hug you... they probably won't.

35 Name: insanezero : 2008-09-04 12:40 ID:rrJ4I3g0

>I have a nagging feeling that I somehow forced him to do it.

Yes, you are just being paranoid.

36 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-04 12:56 ID:iroIfk6d

>Something was going to happen, and that shockwave was both a feeling of anticipation and panic. But he broke eye contact looking down and then saying good bye. I acted normal as well and we parted.

When I read that I was like "WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU!? D:"

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37 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-04 20:22 ID:hWBG9v0V

I love this story! Finally someone on 4ch to root for!

:::wishes he had a girlfriend like OP::::

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38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-04 21:47 ID:e9YIW11X

OP: Go! Go!

As a guy, if I did everything that your guy has done, I would be seriously into the girl. Of course, I have the confidence of a mushroom, so my assessment might be off.

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39 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-06 07:21 ID:dF3CbfVJ

He hugged me again tonight! This time it was a one-armed hug around a shoulder, but he initiated it and actually went out of his way to do it.

I had been planning to leave town for the weekend tonight after I got off of work but plans changed and I'm not able to leave until tomorrow morning. I called him last night after work, and at the exact same time I called him, he called me!! Our phone calls crashed into eachother and we both got eachother's answering machine at the same moment! Talk about synchronicity. I asked him if he wanted to walk Friday night (tonight) and he agreed, even suggesting we stop in that all-night diner again.

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40 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-06 07:22 ID:dF3CbfVJ

[continued from above]

The hug was pretty awkward; he was touching me about as little as he possibly could and it lasted but seconds. When I put my arm around him and squeezed, I really pulled myself into him, but he didn't react. It all happens so quick and I get so lightheaded and disoriented. And my face flushes red every time. We said good night and I got back into my apartment, fumbling the key pretty badly before finally getting it in and turning it. When I closed the door behind me, I just leaned against it and had to catch my breath. I stayed like that for a while, collecting myself, and then he called me to assure me he made it home safe. A normal, relaxed conversation ensued, and then the final good nights.

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41 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-06 08:42 ID:wBNGv/KE

I can't wait to hear more! OP cooked him him a sentimental meal! You are so awesome OP.

42 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-06 10:12 ID:iroIfk6d

Haha OP is so sweet.

But seriously OP, he doesn't act like how most guy does - at least from my experience as one - with "just friends" when he's around you. He could be terribly leading you on, but that's just not a thing guys do usually (more often girls are foud doing that).

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43 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-06 16:37 ID:lG3W3Ysu

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww OP is so sweet. I'll want you to be my girlfriend and I'm a girl! LOL!

awww, hmmm he initiated a hug!! yah!!! =) great job. Yah, keep up with the hugging :) when you're all comfortable with the hugs.. go for the kiss on the cheek and you know what ;)

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44 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-07 22:34 ID:f0GYPVGX

Hurry back and post more
:3

45 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-08 02:11 ID:wBNGv/KE

OP is my dream girl.

46 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-13 06:55 ID:dF3CbfVJ

A very small update and a very big cloud of paranoia.

We haven't seen much of each other since last Friday night and the one-armed hug incident. We've both been busy outside of work and haven't been calling each other and haven't had the opportunity to catch up in the few seconds we have together between the shift changes at work. However, something unexpected happened and since then he's been acting different, and it's worrying me.

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47 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-13 06:56 ID:dF3CbfVJ

[continued]

I'm going to freaking do it this weekend. I'm going to initiate a hug. When I report back here, it will only be after I have hugged him on my own accord. Imagining where to put my hands and arms is causing me to fret. Would around the waist or ribcage be too personal? Around the arms or shoulders too impersonal? Around the neck too awkward? I've never given so much thought to hugging in my life. It's not supposed to be a a calculated science, just a natural reaction! Hug him and hold him for several seconds and then pull away and make and maintain eye contact. Aghhh, just imagining doing that causes my face to flush red, my stomach to go light and my head to feel faint.

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48 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-13 09:06 ID:wBNGv/KE

I like you because it seems that your feelings for him are really earnest. (ie: cooking him his mothers recipe.) I mean, that is so awesome.

But this latest update is suspicous... I would jump at the chance to share the germs of the girl I like. Could he just be a huge germa-phobe? Kinda like when Jerry Seinfeld dumped the girl after she used the toilet-touched toothbrush?

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49 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-13 18:18 ID:lG3W3Ysu

I don't get it either, do guys dislike sharing or whatever? The guy I like declined about eating the fries I bought, and that happened twice. Perhaps he's the healthy type. lol.

50 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-13 18:23 ID:wBNGv/KE

All you girls like weird guys.

..... of course now I remembered I did the same thing. I just wasn't hungry.

51 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-21 08:34 ID:BZ7kuJvO

Uppin'

52 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-21 09:33 ID:yhnMl055

GRAB HIS COCK ALREADY!

It's really not that hard.

53 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-21 09:45 ID:Heaven

>>52
If it was, it would be easier to grab.

...what? what did I say?

54 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-21 21:04 ID:Heaven

>>53 hahahahahahaha

55 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-21 21:06 ID:pjb6CVFJ

IT's been a week already c'mon OP! xD

56 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-26 01:23 ID:8xI+9NAV

I hope the OP comes back. This story is too sweet to end here.

57 Name: OP : 2008-09-26 08:49 ID:dF3CbfVJ

Forgive my recent absence. I should have updated right away, and because I didn't I'm afraid my summaries will be a bit stale. We've hugged twice more since the last time I posted, and they're still pretty weak hugs on his end. But they aren't quite as weak as the very first hug he gave me, and it seems that hugging is now a staple in our "good bye ritual," and that makes me quite happy. I'll be gone this weekend to celebrate my birthday with my mother, but we have plans to do things together for the first three weekends in October, so I'll be bouncing right back into the hugs in no time.

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58 Name: OP : 2008-09-26 08:51 ID:dF3CbfVJ

[continued from above]

Before our walk finished, he offered to take me out to any restaurant of my choice in honor of my birthday, which is this Sunday, since I wouldn't have another opportunity to see him again until after it's over.

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59 Name: OP : 2008-09-26 08:56 ID:dF3CbfVJ

[continued from above]

I like baking and baking for him always makes me feel extra determined to do well with it. On the night before Christmas Eve last year, about a month after we started meeting each other outside of work in our free time, we had a conversation over dinner about the emotional value of food and he told me about how his mother didn't want to stop making dinner for his family every night even when she was quite old and ill, concluding that making food for another person is a strong gesture of affection and care. At the end he maintained eye contact with me and declared, "Food is Love!" rather loudly as we sat in the middle of a crowded restaurant. We both had parcels with us; our Christmas gifts for one another, and mine just happened to have all sorts of home made cookies in it for him. I had already baked a few things for him before (I baked him a loaf of pumpkin bread and gave it to him the second time we met outside of work, and I made him chicken noodle soup from scratch when he got sick after walking with me through icy rain for two hours), and it made me wonder if he was certain I had made him something and that's why he said that. I felt really good (and turned really freaking red) when he said that, knowing that I had a load of food to give him afterward. That memory still makes me feel happy inside.

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60 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-26 13:44 ID:lG3W3Ysu

Ahhhhhhhh, one night stand!?!! Playboy o.O Do ppl really read playboy for the articles inside? But then again, I can't say much because I have never read one. Ha ha.

Awwww you're so sweet! I don't know how many times I will say that. Food is LOVE! Wow. =)

61 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-26 18:43 ID:Heaven

This thread makes me :3 inside.

62 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-27 01:08 ID:c8y6iCN6

I love this thread so much. The OP is just incredibly cute, and the entire feeling of everything makes me smile whenever I read it. I really support you fully OP, and wish you the best!

63 Name: secret : 2008-09-27 06:44 ID:6HIfLnrI

I've followed you from the start and I love you and your story. I am also a very interested writer, if you get the chance I would like to talk. You can e-mail me at trg64paul@yahoo.com. I hope everything ends well.

64 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-28 08:56 ID:+DPZmvv6

Have you grabbed his dick already? Or at least stuck your tongue deep inside his mouth?

65 Name: secret : 2008-09-29 04:06 ID:6HIfLnrI

hey 64 how about not being an ass toward the ladie!!

66 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-29 20:10 ID:tRs6d/Vn

If it's a "lady" I encourage "her" just to come out with it instead of beating around the bush and playing with that guy.

67 Name: Martyr-kun : 2008-10-03 06:12 ID:juXreXtD

What an incredibly well written and sweet tale! OP is sweet as candy. Considering your rituals and the baking he will now know for certain that you are interested in him, and as a guy it is very odd for him to behave the way he does and not like you. It seems to me like both of you are waiting for the other to initiate something extra. Your friend seems like the kind of person who is hesitant to initiate and is probably fretting over your interpretation of his actions the way you are too. I wouldn't be surprised if he walks away disappointed that you don't reciprocate when he drops you off, just like you tell your self to hug him.

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68 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-06 03:25 ID:VhHR2mxC

OP, +15 rep.

I wouldn't be surprised if this was a critically acclaimed story tomorrow. Its like what >>61 said. Everyone on /love thinks that your tale is a dream to real life! We also support you! Bravo~

69 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-18 02:23 ID:4h92zHmW

This thread is not allowed to fall off the page.

70 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-18 13:16 ID:pW8rZUeW

I seriously don't get it... Sure you're cute in your insecurity and mindfulness about all these little things but, honestly? This is starting to look retarded.

You two still sit cushions apart? And simply hugging is still this big of a deal. For fucks sake woman, I almost wrote for you to grow a pair of balls but don't do that, just show some initiative.

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71 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-18 21:06 ID:o2YEliqC

>>70
I don't get why you are so irritated. Both are obviously late bloomers, probably because they are shy. So they are moving slowly, but that applies to BOTH of them, the guy does not seem to be very fast either.

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72 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-19 03:05 ID:69qbZ9IF

But it is time for the next level! This thread started three months ago! I'm not saying they need to be making out, but the words, "I like you" need to be said!

73 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-19 12:19 ID:pW8rZUeW

>>72
Exactly my point.

74 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-19 13:37 ID:o2YEliqC

I agree, and like I said I would already have done if it was me. But it's not me but them, and that's also what makes it interesting.

Anyway, as far as we know they might already be at the next level, as you put it.

75 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-19 18:47 ID:pW8rZUeW

>>74
They're not.

76 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-20 11:24 ID:+cIH3GhW

what are you guys talking about? you must have lots of things in common to talk so much and for so long.. are you debating over things or what is the trick?

it seems for me to be hard to find words and topics to talk about. Everything just seems to be too boring and im not interested in anything, i like to listen though. So im just very curious about you guys, how is it who is the listener and who is talker? :3

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77 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-21 04:13 ID:69qbZ9IF

>>76 You won't have much luck in relationships if all you do is listen. And there isn't a trick to it, it is actually quite simple. If you want to be able to talk to someone, you should get interested in something.

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78 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-21 04:27 ID:juXreXtD

We need Hug-Chan to come back and update us!

79 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-24 05:35 ID:tpvkX+rg

Can we assume by the lack of update that OP is now, blissfully, in a bona fide relationship?

80 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-24 05:48 ID:GBX+awxO

>>79

Maybe she is waiting for another weekend, or some other time when there has actually happend some update about their friendship?
I sure am waiting as hell for the update though, cuz OP IS JUST SO CUTE, I MUST READ MORE! :)

81 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-26 18:51 ID:EFGlgWfr

Dammit! Where is she?!