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What's in a hug? (81)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-21 16:59 ID:cd7aZPnO

I've had a crush on someone I have a standard friendship relationship with and am scared to make the first move for fear of scaring him away. Lately I've been driving myself mad with a strong desire to make physical contact. Just hand holding or hugging or something, but alas these are not things you can just do without a good reason.

I've recently had reasons to go in for a hug just before parting when we spend time together, and every single time I tell myself that "I'm really going to do it this time," but every single time I've wussed out. His birthday is this week and we only get to see each other on weekends, so when we were together last night, I figured it would be a perfect excuse to clamp onto him and not let go. "Happy Birthday!" GLOMP~!

As we started to say our good byes, I was psyching myself up, my muscles tensed, and just as I decided I couldn't do it, his arms were around me. He hugged me and thanked me for all of my well wishing and gifts and for baking him a cake and hugged me. But the hug itself was sort of worrisome.

He did it very quickly without warning, and it was an A-frame hug where one or both people bend so that arms are put around but the bodies don't touch. He put his arms around my shoulders (literally my shoulders, not my neck), only kept them there for two seconds, and then released. When his arms encircled me, however, I wrapped my arms gently around his middle and pulled myself into him, and didn't let go until a few seconds after he did. It was awkward, especially when I realized that I was holding him after he had let go of me. It was unsatisfying and seemed forced on his end. But if he really didn't want to do it, he didn't have to. This was the very first time we've ever hugged before.

Earlier in the day he showed me a picture on his cell phone as I held it he had to adjust something and put his hands on the phone, and our hands were touching for about half a minuet and neither one of us withdrew them. If he didn't want to touch me at all, it would have been completely natural to withdraw his hand or have moved it so that mine wasn't against his.

After the hug, we were both completely calm and normal, sticking around to have a quick conversation before finally actually parting. It felt like the conversation was postponing the parting, like it was an excuse not to leave each other. It didn't feel awkward or strained or like he regretted having hugged me. But the fact that he didn't put his arms fully around me or put them back around me when I didn't let go worries me.

Anyone have any input over this?