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Early Graduate: Mature for her age, or still a child? (19)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-24 04:33 ID:qppz+oFO

Interesting question here.

I am an almost 22 year-old history & sociology student in university, going into my 4th year. Now, I know this one girl, have been friends with her for a while, and she is going to be a freshman here in about a month. Awesomely intelligent, funny, cute, shares my political/social/historical viewpoints and plans to go into sociology.

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2 Name: Beniyasha : 2008-07-24 04:55 ID:9HKKJY0a

Technically by the United Nations standards you are both considered youths. As long as your age difference is not beyond each other like lets say 10 years then your fine no one will look down on you. Remember if you really like this girl then you should not be afraid about the opinions of other people. If you consider your feelings for her based on what other people think rather than how you both feel about each other then it cannot be considered love in a sense.

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3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-24 05:01 ID:qppz+oFO

No no no, it's not so much that I'm concerned about legality (16 is the age of consent in this state) or the opinions of others so much as I'm concerned about whether or not dating with a 17 year-old would be asking for teen drama- even if she is in college.

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4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-24 05:14 ID:NiC+DHLp

I don't think a few months is going to make a huge difference in her personality. If she has teenage drama now, she'll most likely have it in 6 months, and vice versa.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-24 05:16 ID:qppz+oFO

True, and frankly I've never seen her involved in teen drama (although her friends often partake of it)... so, you're right.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-24 13:35 ID:o4V9z3NW

I don't think teen drama is really your biggest problem. Five years of life experience is, especially in such an eventful time as college, you grow a lot during college or during the late teens and early twenties. The person you went in as is a lot different to the one at the other end, even a mature 17 year old can't match that fact.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-24 14:13 ID:BwY6vT6A

Another thing to be on the lookout for is the power imbalance.

If you do decide to go for it, you should follow the campsite rule: i.e. leave her better than you found her.

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8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-24 15:06 ID:GJDuM89G

Depends on the person. You'll have to find out for yourself. Being smart doesn't correlate at all with maturity. But you would think that a smart person who use his or her intelligence to figure out social constructs because they're involved in them all the time. I think that after being in some drama, smart people tend to find ways to avoid it. So in the end, it's about experience.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-24 15:42 ID:qppz+oFO

>>Another thing to be on the lookout for is the power imbalance.

This is one thing I am concerned about. I don't want to become a domineering dick that takes advantage of her (even unconsciously) because she isn't as experienced in the ways of the world.

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10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-24 23:33 ID:oTgWR+p7

That's close to the age difference between me and my boyfriend, which is no problem at all. Just treat her as an equal, and you'll be fine.

Also, re:>>6, just because the chances are slim that they'll be together forever doesn't mean that they can't have a meaningful and healthy relationship right now.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-25 00:00 ID:Heaven

Omg that's only a 4 yr age difference.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-26 09:19 ID:9f7q55gS


>Also, re:>>6, just because the chances are slim that they'll be together forever doesn't mean that they can't have a meaningful and healthy relationship right now.
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13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-27 05:16 ID:rXkCHtUy

from past experience, freshman girls are not that mature. keep in mind that she just graduated from high school and still has some growing up to do. if you want to pursue it then by all means do, but you may find that she is not a mature as you thought she was.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-27 21:20 ID:Sif8oqe0

If she is actually a child prodigy, she will know that Sociology is a pseudo-science and only idiots major in it, and turn you down.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-27 22:24 ID:BNttSphR

22 divided by 2 is 11.
Add 7 years and you get 18.

You have to wait until she is 18 sorry :\

16 Name: 10 : 2008-07-28 03:43 ID:svC+sYD1


I was a Freshman last year (in a somewhat similar situation to OP's girl - I graduated early), and most of my friends are over the age of 22. Most people are surprised when they learn my age and I rarely feel less mature than my friends. Most Freshman girls are not mature (I sometimes wanted to shoot my old room mate and her friends), but there are exceptions to the rule.

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17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-28 12:00 ID:Heaven

>>15 this rule is not hard and fast.

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-07-28 23:13 ID:Heaven


It's not one of those rules you can break whenever you want though.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-08-12 04:48 ID:ZCtZW3uX

>>16 I did Running Start the las two years of high school (I took classes at the local community college for high school credit), and so ended up in a really similar position. I am the youngest person in my group of friends, and sometimes I feel more mature than some of them. I only just turned 18, and people are usually surprised to discover this. My boyfriend is also 10 years older than I am, and after a year and a half we rarely, if ever, have problems with a maturity gap. (Although I'm sure it helps that he's in the same year of college as I am.)

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