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Insecurity (8)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-13 05:30 ID:0y5gfute

My boyfriend keeps thinking I'll definitely break up with him. He finds this prospect too painful to think about and tries to push me away. Usually I can get him to calm down and not look at things so negatively, but I hate to see him suffer like this. He says he can't trust me, but he really wants to, and that it's his fault for overreacting all the time. How can I gain his trust? I've honestly never done anything that should make him feel this way... he gets jealous over things like me being in the same class as someone else he knows is (or used to be) interested in me. He thinks I'll easily change my mind and dump him, and he believes that because he gives me all this trouble when he's jealous, I deserve someone better. So once in a while, he'll try to break up with me, but by the end, he'll ask me to promise to never leave him...

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-13 05:38 ID:0y5gfute

OP here, just an addition:
I am definitely not a flirtatious type. In fact, other than two crushes from my childhood, I've never been interested, nor tried to attract, anyone but him.
I'm not just treating him as a quick fling, either. If I did, I probably wouldn't be so concerned about him, or have waited for him through several stormy incidents...

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-13 09:00 ID:VwKnZtli

lol he sounds like a whiny pussy, why are you faithful to him? he's not a man.....

4 Name: 43 : 2008-09-13 14:43 ID:hJ1BAkne

Bear in mind that the problem is not you. There isn't much you can do, the answer is within him to make himself confident and feel deserving of you. I am quite positive it is an issue of self-esteem. You can encourage him but only he can fix it.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-13 23:19 ID:KgSPWWfk

>>4 True.
I had a boyfriend like this once. I tried to help him but in the end I couldn't handle it anymore. He always told me, he would kill himself if I ever left him. I told him many times that I'm not responsible for his life and that I cannot and don't want to be made responsible.
I told him I felt extorted, but he just didn't stop. It was so exhausting, in the end I had no power left to bear him and his problems any longer.

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6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-14 07:39 ID:Heaven

And your breakup probably left him damaged for awhile, but I bet it did him good once he was able to move on and heal up.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-14 08:53 ID:KgSPWWfk

>>6 It wasn't like I broke up with him and completely erased him from my life. We stayed in contact for a while and I helped him to get some things straight, like applying for a vocational education.
I wasn't trying to break his heart, but our relationship just led nowhere harming us both.
It was in fact much easier to get along with each other once we weren't a couple anymore. Sometimes too strong emotional strings can be hindering.

8 Name: bingo : 2008-09-14 10:16 ID:E0xPiIN/

it sounds like he is insecure of himself and doesn't understand why you are dating him, but it can be more complicated then that. I was like that for a while with my boyfriend, worrying about different things. The thing that worries about me and him though, is I don't feel that there is any real feeling between us. I think he likes me, but because it isn't vocalized I am not developing feelings for him. I'm not sure how he feels.

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