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Dealing with an obsession over a girl. (20)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-14 12:47 ID:Rv/4li5H

There's a girl online who I've been talking to for about a month and a half. She's a year older and I really enjoy talking to her. But she lives on the other side of the country and has a boyfriend. And unlike me, she is socially successful and has a group of close friends. I find that I still have a somewhat of a crush on her and I cannot get her out of my head. I'm thinking about her nearly 24/7. How can I get over my obsession with her? I'd really rather not stop talking to her, though I fear that may be the only way.

2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-14 13:03 ID:Rv/4li5H

Also, I can go more in-depth if anyone shows interest/concern.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-14 13:55 ID:fVtCmBrz

>1 she lives on the other side of the country and has a boyfriend.

This are two major reasons why you should stop thinking about her. The -how- is to talk to her only if she comes talking to you. Do not approach her. If she comes talking to you, well, you won't ignore her - but try to keep the conversation as neutral as possible, do not show enthusiasm - with time, your "obsession" will get tamed, and eventually you'll stop thinking about her, just...slowly back away from her.

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4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-14 13:58 ID:Rv/4li5H

Yeah, but the problem is that I'd really like to keep talking to her because she's a good friend.

5 Name: bingo : 2008-09-14 15:32 ID:yesw1Xw1

It sounds like you have latched onto her because you have little going on in your life. Not only that, she is unattainable to you and thus the "you want what you can't have" scenario comes into play. I have been obsessed with guys in the past before, mostly because there wasn't much going on and my brain would automatically drift to them. The two most effective ways to stop the obsession is to stop talking to her completely, or to be so forthright that you creep her out. Another thing you can try is to become socially active by getting out and making friends. All three are difficult, but being obsessed will not help you either.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-14 15:40 ID:Rv/4li5H

Your third idea seems like the best one. It's something I've been trying to do lately, actually.
Also, when you mentioned

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7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-16 05:20 ID:zPl/oaCK

Hello Janey, why don't you use your nickname any more?

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-16 13:53 ID:Heaven

Wether it is her or not, you don't have to call people out if they chose to post anonymously. Mind your own business.

I hereby hate you and wish you harm.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-17 21:32 ID:Rv/4li5H

Ugh. Every day I'm still thinking of her whenever my mind is unoccupied. I always tell myself that I'm going to just stop talking to her and link her to this thread or something, but when I actually talk to her after school is over and I'm at home I just don't want to stop and break off communication with her. And she posts on a couple message boards I go and I don't think I would be able to resist wanting to talk to her again.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-17 21:36 ID:Rv/4li5H

Also, it's become apparent that she has similar friendships/relationships/whatever with other people online as she does with me, which really crushes me for some reason.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-18 00:16 ID:Heaven

Wow, this board has very different active hours than 4chan and other sites usually do.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-18 21:16 ID:Rv/4li5H

>thus the "you want what you can't have" scenario comes into play

I don't think that's part of it. She's the first girl I've had a crush on (real life or not) literally in years.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-19 00:39 ID:Heaven

Fuck, can anyone else help me?

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-19 23:11 ID:SyLEhM9w

Tell her how you feel and see how she reacts.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-20 01:32 ID:Rv/4li5H

I don't see how that could go well at all. As I type this she is sitting on her boyfriend's lap in a catgirl costume while he plays Peggle.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-20 02:08 ID:Rv/4li5H

I'm so fucking jealous of her boyfriend. She's an incredibly nice, attractive girl with all the same interests as him (and me) and if they end up getting married/if she gives up on the "no sex before marriage" thing I imagine he'll be getting some damn near every day, knowing her.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-20 03:15 ID:Heaven

Well, I just told her that I'm going to stop talking to her for a while. Or forever. Or until tomorrow morning. She was AFK. Hope things get better.

hurr talking to a message board pretending it cares

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-20 17:00 ID:Rv/4li5H

Thanks for all that "tell her" advice. I just lost my best friend.

19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-21 09:04 ID:rigYO3PA


You want to be "best friends" with a girl you want to be with? Don't you find that a pretty pathetic existence?

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-21 18:40 ID:Rv/4li5H

Eh, I think I did the right thing. The only way to forget her (which is the only option since I could never have her) is to stop talking to her. Still sucks losing a friend, though.