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Ah crap... (3)


1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-09-26 22:28 ID:IRaYfj71

Alright. I'm the kind of person who would be considered socially retarded unless amongst others of my kind, that of course being nerdy RPG/video game/conspiracy theorist types. On occasion I toss things up on places like Craigslist personals areas with some banter about who I am and whatnot... and usually I get a few responses from people who are amused/enthralled/whatever, some of whom I have actually befriended.

The problem is some sites are essentially dating ones and while I suppose one of the driving factors for putting these things up is to find that someone special, more often than not I really just come to like people I meet as a friend and not anything beyond that. That isn't always the case with the other party and things tend to get a little awkward when I 'clarify' my position. It's even stranger on my end when they initiate our conversations with, "Well... I don't think I'm looking for a date but I still would like to make friends," especially since I never see their assumption we are madly in love coming.

I fear I might be doing that again with someone with whom I've very recently met (even with the initial just friends clause on their part), but I could be wrong on that front. I agreed to meet her just to do normal things to waste time and it ended up taking quite a few hours... at least more than I planned. At the end she asked me for my number and I agreed, but that's kind of when I started thinking back to not being clear about my intentions. Furthermore she was pressing to get together again soon. I kind of just said if I thought of something I'd get back to her and we left it at that, hoping that kind of gave away the hint.

The problem was I am kind of indecisive to begin with, especially when with strangers, so she may have thought that was just something I do on a regular basis.

When I look back I really didn't pick up on the typical vibe you get from someone who's infatuated with you, but again I am socially retarded and especially so when picking up on things like that. She did kind of mention that she found me interesting and what not quite a few times, though. I agree in that we had some kind of connection, but at least in my view it wasn't even potentially romantically inclined whatsoever.

The problem I face is this... I really think we could be good friends if that's what they're up for, but not much more than that. We share some fringe interests but not that many. I may be over analyzing this severely and it could turn out she feels the same way about this, but I have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that may not be the case.

Obviously if what I fear is true then I can't avoid 'hurting' her by turning her down, but I'd kind of like to make things clear long before any potential attempt to take things to the next level.

So really I suppose I come to you with two issues:

1) Is there any way I could readily see if she's more interested in me than I'd hope she is? Usually this question is asked from the opposite perspective but I suppose it's essentially the same one.

2) If that's the case, how do I make my position clear without seeming like a dick?

At the end of the day I am really satisfied with the way I can handle my life by myself and frankly I don't want to get involved in a relationship unless I know for a fact that there is enough between myself and another person to make it work.

What always happens is I end up having a few common interests with some people but just enough to make us good friends, you know? And yet seeing as most of my interests are abnormal people tend to lock on and assume just because they met someone who shares a few that they're the greatest person in the world.

Maybe I just expect too much, like a carbon copy of myself... but I know that if I just kind of went with things, I wouldn't be happy and conversely there is no way anything could be managed in the long term.

I could keep rambling on but it isn't going to help, so hopefully someone can give me some insight here. Thanks in advance.