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"Do you want to go out with me" - A dead formality? (20)


1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-08 16:59 ID:6rNm9Y5g

I'm a late-comer to the dating scene. A very, very late-comer. I think my age is immaterial, though.

I'm curious about whether or not people still practice the formality of asking each other out by actually inquiring about it verbally. Is this an antiquated process, or is it still done?

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-08 17:05 ID:XP4yyxWL

It's not a formality,...

You often start going out with someone before actually mentioning it, but at some point you need to vocalise it, because words are important.

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3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-09 02:58 ID:Heaven

your age is relevant if you intend to use the words 'do you want to go out with me'.

its juvenile and saying it to a woman is ridiculous. when you ask a woman to go out with you, you are saying it to literally ask to go out, once. you dont ask a woman to go steady either, this is all teenage bullshit.

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4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-09 03:54 ID:h3kY0WkQ

>>3
OP might be a late comer to dating but his objects of desire are all still in school so it would be appropriate for him to use their lingo

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-09 04:05 ID:sxEKXVp0

>>3
>>4

OP here. I can't tell if you're being hostile or not. If so, I guess I'm a little disappointed. I honestly had no clue about the matter when I asked my question. I did think, however, that simply asking "do you want to go out with me" would be a little weird.

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6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-09 06:30 ID:gfyzCB2b

OP, don't mind too much >>4 sarcasm, it's just a common form of teasing. If you do respond to it, you will get more, because you showed it works.

As for the age issue, it's irrelevant, even at 90 people will want to verbalize the relationship. The apriprate level of language depends more on personality than age.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-09 16:24 ID:Heaven

>>5 im not being hostile im being serious. if youre 22, and youve been dating a girl for long enough to want to use the words 'do you want to go out with me' dont use those words. just ask her if she wants to formalize the relationship.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-09 21:23 ID:SycTthx3

>>7
But then this brings me back to my initial question. Kind of. The process can't possibly be as formal as asking her "Do you want to formalize the relationship." There has to be a tacit understanding somewhere, maybe in the form of an act like non-sexual or sexual intimacy. Or is it both? If it's the latter, then what, exactly, is said?

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9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-09 22:14 ID:gfyzCB2b

>then what, exactly, is said?

It obviously depends on both you and the other person. For some people "Do you want to go out with me?" would be fine, for others it will be too plain or too dry. You know that person far better than us, so you will know better how to proceed. What matters is that you make the relationship verbally explicit.

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10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-10 00:06 ID:vIBmTFTB

Mine just said "will you be my girlfriend?"

But to be fair his English isn't perfect.

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-10 01:35 ID:yI95TK51

>>9
This helps a lot. Now I just have to work on my social skills when talking to girls. It's not easy, as I blush and sweat when I'm around them.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-10 05:15 ID:ukwZEYte

>>7
Who the hell would ever say "Do you want to formalize the relationship" to a girl? Trust me, no girl worth dating will ever go for something like that.
Im the same age as OP and generally everything i said and did in high school still works in college.

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13 Name: Subuchiā˜†Atsuda : 2008-10-10 05:35 ID:/A6bF8/l

Hi I think it should be like "hey your attractive I'm attractive lets be together!"

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-10 06:00 ID:BktIzQYE

>>12 >>13

You both fail to understand that he's already going out with her,... He just wants to know how to formalize the relationship. Or if you prefer, make it clear that there is a relationship in a verbal way.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-10 07:05 ID:zTmUeGWZ

In my limited experience (which practically makes me pro given the sad state of most of us) I found that a direct question like that only works if your damn sure she'll say yes, and if it becomes very apparent that you are going to do it sooner or later. I'd recommend saying it as a long day or evening or whatever of activity together is winding down. Maybe not at the very end if you can help it, you'll want to enjoy your accomplishment for a little while. If she really likes you than such a simple thing won't matter, even if your a dumbass like me and say "what?" when she nodded and said "mmm hmmm", whats important is what you did to build it up.

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16 Name: sage : 2008-10-10 07:21 ID:cHmKL7pI

>>15
wise words

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-10 13:31 ID:+5pxezVx

>>14
But I'm not going out with her, or anyone. I never have. It would be a bit weird that I would somehow have a girlfriend while I'm still learning to hold conversations.

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18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-10 16:01 ID:cHmKL7pI

>But I'm not going out with her

I stand corrected,...

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19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-10-10 16:50 ID:SnQZL3pU

>>18
Because I was curious and wanted to know. I think too much. Now I know that there is no single answer and that it's entirely dependent upon the context of one's relation to a girl.

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20 Name: Amung : 2008-10-10 19:03 ID:WTYcjp9c

I'm 24 and I never had a g/f before...never dated and not not even a kiss. and i'm still single.

><.... I'm starting to worry about this issue as well. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do about it. Help pls ><