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Losing my virginity... (36)


1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2008-12-17 04:30 ID:/isNmvde

Not sure if this goes into Sexuality or here, but I honestly think I'd get better responses here.

Okay, so yeah.

I'm asexual. I'm 16.

My girlfriend is not asexual. And by "not" I mean NOT. Like, she's the same as every other last hormone-raging seventeen year old girl. She has constant urges, but restrains herself out of respect for my sexual orientation. I.E. She doesn't constantly jump on me etc. etc. Whenever I tell her that I'd be willing to go through the awkwardness I'd experience during sexual contact in order to satisfy her, she tells me that she'd rather not make me awkward just for the sake of making her happy.

However, after thinking about it for a while, I realized that, as an asexual, any physical acts with my girlfriend would simply be an extension of my emotions, which are currently the only thing involved in the relationship.

I.E. Sex would basically be another way of me telling her that I love her, just in an extremely powerful way.

Now, even before this realization, we'd been on first base for a while. Heavy make out sessions. Etc. etc. That's something she can't exactly stop herself from indulging in, and I find it in myself to not be entirely disgusted by it in order to make her happy and not like, push her off me. I mean, honestly, I really can't blame her, either. Urges sometimes need to be indulged.

Once this realization came, second base has been reached. I enjoy making her happy through this, I enjoy it immensely. I enjoy hearing her breathing become erratic, hear the occasional moan of pleasure. It doesn't turn me on in anyway, shape or form, but the fact that I make her happy just makes me all warm inside. I myself get nothing physical out of this; No erection, no extreme desire to screw her brains out. I'm still asexual.

Now then, while I may not necessarily like the physical actions for the same reason everyone else does (They like it because it satisfies their physical desires, I like it because it allows me to form a closer emotional connection with my girlfriend), I still enjoy them.

However, I also value my virginity. I will admit it here and now that I enjoy flaunting the fact that while everyone around me is screwing like crazy, I manage to keep my virginity clean and pristine. Moral superiority complex, etc. etc. Needless to say, I'd feel rather disappointed if I lost the ability to put myself above others. Yes, I realize how prickish that sounds. But I am a very proud person. I'm not ashamed of that.

Sidenote: She is not a virgin. In fact, with her last boyfriend, she would have sex with him pretty much twice a day on average.

Sidenote 2: She is my second girlfriend. My first girlfriend was a whore who was just using me for sex, but only got as far as second base with me.

Ok, so yeah, L&R, what I'm basically asking is this:

Is it worth it to satisfy the overwhelming sexual desires of my girlfriend, even with my rationalization of how I would be forming a closer emotional connection with her through it, in spite of the fact that I would lose moral superiority over all of the douchebags in my school?