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Is this headed the wrong way already? (15)


1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-15 03:41 ID:kNV+gETW

I've already somewhat had misgivings... and I of course somewhat feel like I am doing this because I am desperate.

A little background, I am 22 and graduated from University. She is 19 and has overbearing parents.

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2 Name: 3 : 2009-01-15 03:48 ID:yVvNZaQV

Hey, 3 here from your last the other thread.

Either talk to her parents directly, or ask your girlfriend to talk to them for you. They're being totally irrational; why would you bring two pre-teen kids with you? There is no way that that would be any less than awkward.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-15 03:52 ID:0BScoA5B

>>2
I agree with this guy. Cancel the date and get your GF to talk to her parents.

4 Name: Milo-Man : 2009-01-15 08:12 ID:OAckpYg9

It's a bull*hit relationship approval by her parents. They know that in the end, your relationship won't go anywhere and eventually, your relationship will break. That's exactly what they wanted to happen. Parents like that are bad news. Just break up and go date another girl.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-15 08:59 ID:N+wAYczs

If you feel invested in this girl, then I would take some time to negotiate the parents problem. Why don't you get to know them better by going to their house?

If you do that, I would take the opportunity to explain them that you have no problem in and getting to know the family, but a date is something personal in which pre-teen (or even mature people) have no place. If you speak to them directly, and in their home, they will be less inclined to dismiss you than if you remain an abstract concept for them. Don't be confrontational (that would be the worse), but show that you are serious, and that they can't easily brush you aside. This should make things much easier. Also, if they insist on this chaperone thing, then talk openly about what are their fears. They will be so embarrassed that you will have an advantage. In any case, negotiate your privacy with them.

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6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-15 14:54 ID:2/DAv6Yb

I haven't really heard what your Girlfriend thinks about all this? There wasn't anything explicit in your post, at least.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-15 15:30 ID:kNV+gETW

>>2
Thanks for your optimism.

>>3

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8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-15 17:34 ID:Rq6J9hXs

>>7
Well,... Do let us know how things went, as salary for our cooperation ^^

Good luck with the girl, I was once in a very similar situation, so I can understand your difficulties.

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-16 00:11 ID:kNV+gETW

>>8

Well... I went and so on... she said she had a good time... but as I feared it was difficult to have any one on one conversation with her... haven't gotten to resolving anything yet. Hope to do that soon.

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10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-16 08:44 ID:aGjDakUF

>>9
Is said the organization named "Scientology"?

11 Name: Milo-Man : 2009-01-16 10:50 ID:OAckpYg9

>>10

If it is, better quit before Tom Cruise the 2nd is born XD

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-16 15:26 ID:kNV+gETW

>>10
Said organization is a Baptist Church; I tried to refrain from saying so because I didn't want some sort of religious debate/name calling thing to start. I teach the high school Bible Study, lead music on mid-week services, and I manage the audio visual equipment during the Sunday Service.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-17 04:05 ID:HKfK3U40

>>12
Well then I think you don't even need to ask what the problem is. I am sure that her parents' misgivings are grounded in 'religious' beliefs (which don't seem very good or conducive to love).
I'm not a christian myself but am fairly well versed in the bible, and I note that jesus never says very much or leaves what he says up to the interpretation of others. Try and convince her parents that they are wrong in their views and provide biblical evidence. Map out your argument beforehand.

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-01-17 10:38 ID:TbcIR1o8

>>13 No, don't even breach the religions theme. You are not going to change their views on religion, this will only cause animosity against you. Your best bet is to win their confidence, or at least decrease their anxiety towards you, by letting them know you better.

15 Name: Milo-Man : 2009-01-17 14:03 ID:OAckpYg9

>>14

I agree. Better leave the religions theme alone. They may even think that you are trying to teach them your religious beliefs. It's good if you tell them and they accept your words. But if they don't, that's going to be very counter-productive. So don't go there.