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How to approach a shy girl? (42)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-14 05:57 ID:Fq7082iG does one approach a shy girl who they have only seen in the school and don't actually have any classes with them? The most she might know about me is my name.

I saw her sitting alone at the library as usual today, and I felt really sad at the thought of her not receiving any cards on Valentine's day, so I gave her a last-minute looseleaf paper Valentine's day card just saying "Happy Valentine's Day" with my name on it. She probably doesn't think anything of it, if anything she probably thinks its a joke so I'm hoping she just forgot it...but what do I exactly do with someone like that? Just sit down next to her at the library and go "Heeyyyy baby!"

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-14 07:05 ID:o/6GfYm3

Trust me it mattered.

Just go and talk to her.

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3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-14 07:11 ID:2remXekb


4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-14 12:27 ID:MfqurTP4

>>2 she prolly blushed and was flattered, maybe she likes you, but is very shy. She will think about you a lot now, go talk to her

5 Name: not OP : 2009-02-14 18:19 ID:7tEORV0O

Agh, I'm kinda shy myself and have a similar situation. See, I just came out of an emotional breakdown and am trying to reorganize my social habits, and I want to understand this.

I know this girl, who, more reserved than shy and better socially than I, but though smart and pretty, she has no romance.

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6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-15 15:36 ID:jKFsLhIB

OP is freaking cool. I though he will be some whining bastard. Go for it. Man... I am jealous.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-15 15:38 ID:jKFsLhIB



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8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-16 00:44 ID:T2bvJLks

Go for it OP!

9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-16 00:51 ID:8ZsCu/7V

this is on of you best chance in your life!
i've been waited that chance for almost 22 years and haven't got any....

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-16 03:07 ID:AnVXPmg/

go fer it!

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-17 12:03 ID:5Z41a2rA


You already did the hardest part. Now it's just about getting to know her and arranging to spend some time together to do that.

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12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-17 15:59 ID:Fq7082iG

OP here...thanks for the support guys, really. Don't get me wrong, I'm a very social guy and I'm good at talking to girls but I've never been in a relationship before so this exactly going to be a cakewalk for me.

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13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-17 16:52 ID:Zedn6odO

Why don't you make it simple and say "Hi, who are you, in which class are you..." etc, etc. Just talk casually, be interested in her, and do drop some information about you so that your communication remains even.

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14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-19 20:36 ID:CPZ9i0Oq

>just sit down in front of her and nonchalantly introduce youself

go for it OP!

15 Name: fellow shy person : 2009-02-20 09:07 ID:RHmHFfj6

If you share some of her interests, that's an excellent start. See if you can catch her somewhere - library, cafe, outside class during's much much easier to start a conversation if you both have common interests, or, at least, show interest in what she likes. It's always easier to start a conversation if you get the other person to talk about what makes them passionate.

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16 Name: AnonymousMan7 : 2009-02-21 04:52 ID:vL4EQTiI

Just talk to her. Sit next to her and talk to her, see how she is like.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-22 02:21 ID:hxNEBOF9

Listen Op, I don't know if you saw her after you gave her the card but the thing I would do now is to approach her by saying "Did you like the card? I tried really hard to make it that way" even though you didn't. That should sound funny to her. :) Or at least I think so... Anyway, you shouldn't try to approach her with "hey baby", I don't think that she would think that's hot.

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18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-23 20:02 ID:Fq7082iG

Well guys, I did it. Walked into the library and found her again as usual, sat down at her table and just began talking. I told her my name again, and she told me hers. Think I might have said a joke or some little comment about the card but I don't really remember.

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19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-02-23 20:26 ID:fLfPZ6jv

>It really makes me wonder why I'm the only one who's noticed her, guess other guys don't like shy girls? Her voice is really nice too.

There's plenty of rough diamonds who go unnoticed, and are for the picking of the more attentive ones. You got lucky, no need to angst about that.

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20 Name: Daydreamer : 2009-02-25 01:08 ID:6YOJQIkC

I'm so happy for you. :D

21 Name: fartman : 2009-03-01 02:02 ID:WElHyEXX

"Heeyyyy baby!" and wank right in front of her.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-02 20:13 ID:Fq7082iG

OP here.

Things have not gone exactly as planned. After that one day that I thought was a "success", she has not showed up at the library once. Now maybe this is just a coincidence but now I'm beginning to think I scared her off or something. I have another plan which I will tell you about if I get the chance to try it. I WILL NOT GIVE UP YET!

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-02 21:54 ID:mcwFr5nK

don;t overdo it.

  1. be confident about yourself. it attracts girls.
  2. make yourself think everyone wants you. eventually everyone will.
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24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-03 23:28 ID:Fq7082iG

Alright, OP here again, just going to clarify the situation:

  1. She hasn't been at the library in the morning or during lunch like she normally is.
  2. She recently dyed her hair a brownish color (was black before)
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25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-03 23:30 ID:Fq7082iG

>interesting person

Meant to say uninteresting person here.

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-06 14:34 ID:Heaven

OP here again, nevermind all that jumble I just wrote, I was just being paranoid.

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-06 15:52 ID:jD9j4uPd


OP! What's the status? How did you find that you were being paranoid?

28 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-06 21:19 ID:LKJTXT/l


Hey! Dude, what's the story! You are really living the dream man! I've been waiting 19 frigging years for that kind of opportunity and it has yet to happen. Take advantage of this opportunity!

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29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-08 05:24 ID:Fq7082iG

Alright, well, I was thinking she was trying to avoid me since she stopped showing up at the library in the morning, and that still may be the case, but I did get a chance to talk with her during lunch when I happened to see her at the library as I was doing some work.

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30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-08 09:12 ID:tiAb6Rrj

You're setting yourself up for disaster. First off, lay off on the whole experiment thing. A little joke like that can get weird after it's worn out its welcome. Also, get off the library train. If you want to get to know somebody, do it in a medium generally recognized as one for social interaction. Just ask her if she'd like to get some coffee sometime. It's not a date, so you don't have to get nervous about the whole thing. If you hit it off, just say you had a good time, and depending on how confident you're feeling about the situation, say you'd like to do it again or that you'd like to take her out for dinner. If she wants to see you again, then you can exchange phone numbers so you can make your plans. Assuming that all goes to plan, then you're pretty much set.

31 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-08 14:42 ID:Fq7082iG


As I said before, I've only talked to her twice so I think its still a little too early before I actually ask her to meet somewhere. Most people I know are friends with girls for weeks, even months before they first ask them out somewhere. At least in my generation of people as a high school senior, asking her to meet somewhere once is the same thing as asking her out. I can't think of any of my friends having asked their girlfriends to go for a coffee or dinner before going out with them, but hey I dunno, maybe she is different than most girls and would actually be interested in that. I think figuring out how to talk to her more than twice should come before I ask her out to meet somewhere, because as I said before she's not in a single one of my classes so she only knows me from those two conversations. And we barely talked about anything at all.

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32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-09 00:09 ID:tiAb6Rrj

Wow you're incredibly self destructive. Quit shooting yourself in the foot. Do you actually like this girl or do you want to be stuck in the friend zone. Coffee isn't a date. Asking her to join you for a cup of coffee just says, "I would like to see you and chat with you some more". You want to talk to her more, and that's how you do it. If you don't run into her on a regular basis, there's really no other way. And since it sounds like you don't have weeks or months to cozy up to this girl, you have no choice. And because you don't have weeks or months to cozy up to this girl, you've got nothing to lose. I've learned this the hard way after years of getting nowhere with girls, but you're never going to accomplish anything if you don't do anything. That goes for anything in life.

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-14 13:58 ID:Fq7082iG

Alright, I understand I need to go on a date somewhere with her, but a coffee shop? Really? That sounds like something out of a fucking movie or dating book. Any other ideas?

34 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-14 15:11 ID:wMVNvs5q

Not really. It's just a thing you say. You don't even have to go for coffee.
It's just understood. Just say, "Hey, how about we go for a coffee some time?" Or, "Hey, you know, I'd like to get to know you better. How about we go for a coffee some time?"

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35 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-16 09:27 ID:FHVCojkz

Dude. It's not a date unless you make into one, so don't stress so much on that. >>34 knows what it's about, mind what he said. The whole point of coffee, or something equally as simple, is that it is in fact simple. It's not over the top, it's a comfortable environment, if things go sour, it's easy enough to leave and you didn't spend all sorts of money on it, and if things go great, you can sit there and chat as long as you'd like.

36 Name: the bear : 2009-03-16 17:22 ID:ZDjs6Cxd

just ask her out fool! the whole experiment thing is gonna fuck you over. at first she probably thought it was cute or something but if you keep bringing it up she might just think youre a total freak. and a creeper too. just ask her out. tell her something like " well to tell you the truth i just thought you were really cute, so when i walked over i came up with a weird excuse and the experiment is the first thing that came to mind .stupid right ? " then she will know you are interested and not just an ordinary stalker

37 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-23 15:34 ID:x6X0RxEc

Well guys, I talked to her one more time and after really thinking about it, I think I'm just gonna forget about this. In theory, a shy girl sounds so awesome, its a dream of many guys right? But after sitting there and having her start literally no conversation herself, it was kind of frustrating.

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38 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-23 15:55 ID:Zedn6odO

>Maybe I should show here this thread and see if it makes her freak out? Haha.

And how would that be helpful? I would find that rude and offensive. We give you input in order to help you, not for you to use our contributions to bash some shy girl.

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39 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-29 15:16 ID:9SgXbDaS

"hi, what are you doing in the libary?"
"hi, what book are you reading?"

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40 Name: chewbacca : 2009-03-29 16:18 ID:F+Vh6Z4N

i always believe that when there's a cute little shy girl the most appropriate thing to do is to fap, fap, fap in front of her. then the shyness is gone

41 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-05 10:01 ID:B2r7ngp5


42 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-08 10:43 ID:fUIzm9x7

Wow OP. I don't see why you need to ask. You seem to solve your own problems. You're smooth, confident, good talker, spontaneous, funny. You're pretty much set. I can see two reasons why she's backing away though.

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