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The logic just keeps disappearing from my thoughts (27)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-23 21:05 ID:EuVS9XqI

Background: 20 years, university, zero (positive) experience with women, low self-esteem... you get the picture.
Girl in question: we go to the same class, but haven't talked besides some small talk about books and such.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-23 21:39 ID:Q80st8RT

aww.. i wish i could help you. Just stay positive and talk more often to her, ask if she'd be interested in having some fun with you (like ice skating or any other activity) or go for a cozy drink some time or do some sports together (badminton, table tennis, jogging, swimming, just walking, anything she'd be into maybe). and while you talk, just get to know here better.. just talk, im sure you can do it :)

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3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-23 22:11 ID:2V668fDf

Next time you see the girl, ask her out to dinner.

She says no, you know she isn't interested. Move on.

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4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-23 22:42 ID:Be4ntnvX

I think >>2 is on to something. You must get to know her better, and let her know you better, before you start suggesting having dinner and such.

Just find out what are her interests, and suggest activities related to those in which you could partake together.

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5 Name: H-town Stomper : 2009-03-23 23:25 ID:wiGG/zh9

Man up and do the damn thing.

6 Name: OP, now much less sane : 2009-03-31 19:38 ID:lf3djTVh

aargh. I'm becoming more and more convinced there's no hope for me. I don't know how to make any progress, I haven't moved past smalltalk, she's probably just being nice to me. Should I do a 'suicide attack' now?
So, should I ask her out. How do I go about this? Should I just tell her that I am interested in her? Can I not? - she's probably going to know it anyway, if she doesn't already. The sooner I'm rejected, the better... but still I can't leave the idea that I may have a chance.
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7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-03-31 23:20 ID:ZEqsQhON

ok, let's cut a bit on the whining, and get to the point:

What have you learned about her? What are her interests? Sports, art, music, etc? Give us a little report and we'll be able to advise you on the next steps (that basically involve getting her into participating in some activity with you).

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8 Name: OP, still a coward but more determined : 2009-04-05 19:20 ID:4LUn/hqY

>What have you learned about her? What are her interests? Sports, art, music, etc?

Sadly, not much really... I know she reads a lot.

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9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-05 20:12 ID:x5Uxt/JI

>>8 Do you actually know what kind of readings does she like? That's an obvious topic of information.

It's better to start with a drink than with a meal.

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10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-05 21:21 ID:Heaven

Yeah, what >>9 said.

DO MENTION you want to know more about her. Don't say you are interested, but act like you're interested. She'll get the message without feeling pressured. But you need to have that "underlying" vibe, otherwise she'll (probably) very soon dismiss you as a potential mate when you start hanging out together. What some people call "being friendzoned".

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-05 23:11 ID:ddbpcZc8

What? You should NOT mention that you want to know more about her. Nobody talks like that, you'll sound like a bloody stalker! If you really want to know more about her, than ask things about her. Also don't be tense and try to be a bit funny, girls like guys who are fun to be around.

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12 Name: OP : 2009-04-07 17:25 ID:htjqKM3f

So... I asked her. She said she doesn't have time right now (this week), but seemed quite happy about meeting some time later.

I'm not feeling competent enough to tell what that really means, time will tell.

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13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-07 17:56 ID:oRbigdhy

>I just told her I wanted to talk more with her.

Well, that's what I meant. I didn't mean for you to sound like a bloody stalker like another poster seems to have misunderstood.

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14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-07 20:13 ID:cswgjLzR

Congrats, OP!

15 Name: OP. Did I fail already? : 2009-04-20 15:26 ID:TwQVq/0K

So we have a few hours of free time between classes. I come to her, talk for a while, then sit next to her.
She warns me: "As soon as it gets warmer, I'm going outside for a stroll".
"Want me to accompany you?" I say with a smile.

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16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-20 15:45 ID:9UqVIdSu

Here's to hoping that she could have a lot on her mind lately, and likes the solitude to sort out her thoughts.
On the otherhand, if she was the slightest bit interested in you, there's no reason why she wouldn't have taken you up on that offer, let alone warn you she was going to leave. The way she phrased it seemed very assertive and uninviting.

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-20 16:06 ID:oRbigdhy

Yes, there's something in the way she phrased it that sounds like "please don't try". I don't think she's hostile, though, but my guess is she read your intent (meaning you were doing things right) and tried to defuse the situation before it went any further.

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18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-04-20 16:08 ID:oRbigdhy

>>17 here again

>"Tell me honestly, is there really a point in asking you this again?"
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19 Name: OP. Love sucks lol : 2009-04-21 18:48 ID:XoJf8gNr

>(meaning you were doing things right)

apparently not 'right' enough.

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20 Name: OP : 2009-05-10 13:46 ID:fE02KkqS

An update, some things happened after all.

I asked her out, desperate to get this over with and have some peace of mind. I was fully expecting her to refuse. She didn't.

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21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-10 19:35 ID:7s98/EAP

>I (finally!) believe I'm more capable of making a decision than anyone reading my posts.

Perhaps. What is certain is that YOU are the only one making decisions. The other people here give their point of view, which is totally different.

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22 Name: OP : 2009-05-12 19:06 ID:N7sxKLg+

She rejected me.
Mission failed, Anonymous. Both missions. The one to get a girl and the one to make the failure hurt less.
Now if I could just delete her from my memory... FUCK
this will be a long summer.

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-12 20:32 ID:Igb/NtyV

hei op. give us details, what happend and what went wrong?

24 Name: OP, obsessing as always : 2009-05-17 07:23 ID:R64bk1ES

She did tell me she's not interested. And that I asked too early as we don't know each other well.
She did not tell that there is absolutely no chance for me, or that I'm just a friend and will never be anything else.
I asked about that and she told me "maybe something someday will happen, but it's something that happens by itself".

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25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-17 11:32 ID:3bpdqGMw

I does not sound hopeless to me. You just need to be more persistent, whithout being overbearing. Giving up too early is a common mistake.

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-17 14:13 ID:3bYzu+Kb

I Really hate saying this because I want OP to win, but i was in a situation like this myself. The girl said she was not interested in dating right then but that "I was not being rejected". I tried to be her friend in hopes of improving things, but I later found out that her words were just a way of "rejecting me softly". Still I wish you luck OP.

27 Name: OP : 2009-05-17 18:46 ID:EmuNfVHT

> I Really hate saying this because I want OP to win

and I don't want to fight an unwinnable fight.