To begin in a blunt, direct way: I'm asexual.
And by this (for the uninformed ones) I mean I have no sexual feelings at all. I am not sexually atracted to anyone. This complicates a lot of things. It makes me a tiny bit more anti-social than a normal shy person...and relationships are a big NO, since obviously the partner ends up being sexual and sex eventually gets in the way.
This part being quite clear (I hope), I'll explain (at least try to) my story in a short way.
I'm in love with a girl. We have a lot in common (alhtough our personalities diverge a bit). Our tastes are pretty similar, at least when it comes to books movies tv shows etc. And lately (after I've get to known her better and betteR) i've been developing a big admiration for her (not merely friendship-like, but also not in any sexual sense). I know it's love, because when you love, you know it. You can't explain it quite clearly, but you know it's...it.
Anyway...she appears to be the common heterosexual girl.
If I was a lesbian I guess i'd be in a lot of trouble, because the sexual attraction would be a constant presence and I'd get frustrated in every means.
In my particular case, the feelings are emotions and sentiments, only. How do I explain this to her? I like her more than a friend. But it's not like I want to go to bed with her. That's too confusing to say to a person. And I guess I'd never manage to find the guts.
My dream situation would be that she begun having feelings for me too and we eventually kiss and confront the whole situation. But the probability of it ending up well it's so freaking small I begin hating being asexual.
If I was a lesbian at least the probability of being in a relationship happily would be waayy bigger. But having this lack of urges and sexual attraction I can't, I'd never get into a "normal" relationship with no one.
What am I to do? To keep floating in this world like a spectator and prevail like this till I die?
Force myself to change and try to engage on sexual relationships?
For now I'm keeping true to myself, but I don't feel enterely happy with my situation. I keep falling in and off love with the wrong people (people I'd never get a change with) and at the same time knowing that, even if they loved me back, they wouldn't understand my situation.
Why isn't asexuality a common thing in this universe yet? I sincerely hope for future asexuals to be luckier than this generation.