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Jealousy is ruining my life. (18)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-31 20:24 ID:eUH/KNUg

I've been dating the love of my life for eight months now...when we met, he was with a girl he had no particular interest in- she was unattractive, annoying and he constantly complained that he had such a stupid girlfriend. She pressured him into having sex with her, the only time either of them had.
He broke up with her after we met, as he was quite enamored with me. Our relationship was perfect for a few months, until I started to really think about it- he's not a virgin, I am.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-31 21:27 ID:4dbyG1Su

I don't know what to say about your relationship troubles -- I've never been in one -- but I have learned a trick for managing suicidal impulses. When I feel the urge, I just put on some dark, introspective music and let it blast me into submission. After a few tracks, I'm too weary to actually follow through on the impulse. It's not something that requires an extraordinary effort, either, so it's become my default response to suicidal urges.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-31 21:30 ID:4dbyG1Su


I should add that I also make sure to keep my music-listening area clear of sharp objects. Sometimes I'll try to claw at my arms after hearing a few songs, but with my fingernails constantly trimmed, I can never really do too much damage that way.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-31 21:42 ID:4dbyG1Su


And actually, now that I've thought about it some more, the introspective part might not be that great. That sort of music, even if it's good and heavy, tends to make me worse off than before.

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5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-31 21:52 ID:jr5J2WNs

>>1 you seem to suffer from an extreme form of insecure attachment. Like you feel you don't deserve him and that you are constantly in fear that he'll realize it and leave you alone.

You have to calm down and view things from another perspective. Life is hell for some and paradise for others. It really depends on what you focus on. You can constantly obsess on how he'll leave you, or you can think of all the nice things and good time you could spend together.

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6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-31 21:55 ID:4dbyG1Su


>>Think positive, and enjoy the good life.
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7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-31 22:15 ID:eUH/KNUg


It's not that at all. He's bought me a ring and made me promise to marry him...I'd like to spend the rest of my life with him, I just can't get these thoughts out of my head...

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8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-31 22:45 ID:jr5J2WNs

>Thinking positive isn't always possible, especially if you have chronic depression.

Entirely true, but that does not dispense you from making that effort, even though it's not enough to heal you from it.

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9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-31 22:52 ID:eUH/KNUg


We're in a long distance relationship and have yet to physically meet.

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10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-05-31 23:40 ID:jr5J2WNs

>>9 so when you said you watch films together, you meant watching the same film at the same time, but not in the same place?

And when are you planning to meet?

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11 Name: 43 : 2009-06-01 02:29 ID:iCLdP6Wo

You need a time machine, go back in time and make sure he remains a virgin until he meets you.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-03 01:09 ID:d5OF3UHl

grow up. it's normal for people have sex a lot and do a lot of stupid shit before they meet "the one". i doubt he takes the whole virginity thing as seriously as you. seems like youre living in a fantasy romance land. if he loves YOU now that's what matters. Oh yeah and eat some food or something.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-03 22:49 ID:Heaven


> "Give your virginity to someone you truly love"
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14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-04 14:35 ID:eliq6Yiw

Good luck with the depression.

He expunged the details to you? That sounds raunchy. He didn't mind his virginity being fed to someone he doesn't care to stay with, so obviously you two have intensely different values. It might make you sound annoying in the future.

15 Name: The_Boy_In_The_Sky/Sir_Sol/Red : 2009-06-14 04:37 ID:6d8dTaeH

Hey OP, I know how you feel. When I was in a serious relationship, I used to always feel so insecure, knowing that my partner had already done things with her ex. It was my ultimate downfall--jealousy, I mean. I realized that I couldn't overcome my problem, until I stopped lying to myself. I realized that I didn't truly believe my partner loved me, which is why I became insecure. I also realized that I didn't fully understood what love meant to me either. I decided that I needed to figure myself out, so I had a break with her. In the meantime, I did my best to practice being a more secure me. I learned a lot about myself, and what love is. Generally, I did a lot of things by myself, and I found myself to be more secure (poetry and music helped ;]). The main thing I discovered was that I always felt like I wasn't good enough for her, but after I learned to love myself, and admire my own qualities (and even flaws,) my jealous nature and insecurities faded away. Virginity and sex was no longer my highest value; love was. I learned to disassociate the two: sex and love. I realized that the way I was brought up affected my interpretation of virginity and sex. I always believed that losing your virginity to someone had to be the result of two people who were in love with each other. Well, in the context of "virginity", that should be what it means, since the term is derived from religion, and religion like Christianity highly values love. But I realized that I was only thinking in such a contrived way, that "you can only do so and so if you so and so," which is definitely not love. Love is more powerful than sex. Sex is not the prerequisite for love, nor is love a prerequisite for sex. They are two entirely separate things. The reason why they're so connected is due to many things, like culture and religion. But if you think about sex alone, without the whole "virginity" aspect, then you're thinking outside of the box, and outside of your limitations. If you think about it, the person who you first have sex with shouldn't matter... it is the last person you have sex that matters. And in my opinion, the last person you love is also, what matters in the end. If you put the two together that way, then you will not lose your "virginity" to the first person you have sex with, but rather, the last person you are in love and have sex with. This is all just my own thoughts about sex, virginity, and love, and shouldn't be seen as fact. In your situation, I'm not sure what you should do, but I really do hope my little background and young wisdom can give you some insight into your own. Don't worry about your situation, just have faith in yourself to overcome it. Good luck, and take care of yourself! Please do be healthy, in mind, body, and spirit.

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-15 19:36 ID:0PA7SJa/

>the person who you first have sex with shouldn't matter... it is the last person you have sex that matters


17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-16 05:04 ID:zEJ/ISnb

How old are you? From what youve written i assume that youre both teenagers. Well, get used to the idea of people you meet not being virgins. I lost my virginity to my first girlfriend at 17 and since then ive never again been with a girl who is a virgin. The only thing you can hope for is that youre better in bed than their ex, which for you probably wont be a problem since your boyfriend seems to have hated his first time so much.

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18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-06-23 03:48 ID:GUO3EkqR

What the hell, why did he tell you about the details of his past relationships?! He had no right to do THAT, cheeky bastard. How inconsiderate and rude. IMO, he doesn't deserve you.

>Anyway, i think the real problem here is that you havent even met yet.
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