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Partially Happy Yet Nauseous (20)

1 Name: hopeless romantic : 2009-08-08 00:07 ID:Yqn4pFNn

Recently starting over after tragedies in my life, and I found an amazing girl that loves me unconditionally. She's got to be one of the sweetest, dedicated, and loving girls I've ever seen.

We've been officially together for a few months now...and I love her, I do. She's the first one to have almost every hobby I do, and we get along so well it's incredible.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-08-08 05:17 ID:6dKD3RgX

Wow. I'm so glad (and somewhat jealous) that you've found someone that loves you for who you are!

For starters, mention that you have scoliosis. But due to my lack of experience and cluelessness, I don't feel qualified to give any more advice so I'll stop there, wait for more responses, and wish you the best of luck.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-08-08 07:38 ID:uOaQzpCO

Well, yeah, it's definitely an awkward subject - bringing up her weight, I mean. But honestly, it's not fair for her if you're not attracted to her - what if she wants to go farther? As in, have sex? You probably wouldn't even be able to get it up - that'll tell her more than enough about how you feel. Yes, you love her - but relationships strive on physiology, too. If there's no -willing- physical contact, then it just won't work out. Either you inform her about your this directly, or you find a way to do it indirectly. To attempt to answer your question on could try commenting on how great some girl's body is - one that's slim. It might even take getting to the bed to show her how you truly feel about it - if you can get up the nerve to notify it, that's one surefire way of showing her the truth. Let's hope there're other posters with good ideas.

4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-08-08 13:52 ID:bdG2cHp+

3 times? I panic at 1.5x... ouch.

If you brought it up, she might say she'd work on it, but that's no guarantee of change. Getting down to slimness from 3x just seems.. unrealistic. At any rate, if she doesn't change enough for your desires, then I don't think this'll be a happy relationship for both parties. Unless you're somehow equally unattractive and you're not telling us, it's probably for the best you found one of those girls you think of when you dream of what could be.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-08-08 16:30 ID:y/cz3xjV

There is no nice way to bring up weight issues really but i think you should probably try from the health perspective.

Does she problems getting around without getting short of breath, can she climb stairs easily? or anything like that?

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6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-08-09 12:05 ID:MMZlr0ey

>> If you brought it up, she might say she'd work on it

Haha..there's no way she'd say that. More likely, she'll get offended and kick your skinny ass. Seriously, there's no subtle or easy way to bring up a girl's weight if you're a male. She'll just think you're shallow and out to attack her. However you may bring up the topic, she'll feel embarrassed and hurt.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-08-09 13:37 ID:bdG2cHp+


Either she'll do that, yes, but if she's submissive and dependent enough on you, she will listen to you. That's not to say any change will occur, though.

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-08-09 19:04 ID:mhTZQljF

> Also, what really bothers me, is that I have moderate scoliosis...and she kills my back...yea, she's heavy.

In this situation, I'd say something along the lines of "I can no longer have you jumping into my arms: Doctor's Orders.. but I wish I that wasn't the case"

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9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-08-09 20:00 ID:uOaQzpCO

I think that should be worded a bit differently - that almost sounds like you're dissing her. If you do something like that, you should make sure she knows that you have scoliosis first.

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-08-09 20:12 ID:mhTZQljF


Sorry, I thought I implied that but I suppose it's not clear.

11 Name: hopeless romantic : 2009-08-09 21:52 ID:Yqn4pFNn

Thanks a lot for the advice so far everyone.
It's really been bothering me lately, because I do love her, and she treats me like gold, it's just so awkward at times you know?

Only reason I haven't taken >>4's advice is because I see potential in our relationship. You know, like maybe I could help her or something...I keep reminding myself that its not un-fixable.

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12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-08-10 02:29 ID:bdG2cHp+

If I may ask, how did you end up together if you weren't physically attracted?

13 Name: midnight : 2009-08-10 03:53 ID:5wEoWsx7

hmm some men really fall for sexual attractions at first..

14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-08-11 13:16 ID:0PLhEKAO

OP, let's face it, you're a jerk either way. If you break up with her now, she knows it's because she's fat. But if you don't, you're just fooling yourself, and her.

She obviously doesn't want to break up with you. It frustrates me to say this, but I don't think she has much respect for herself.

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15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-08-11 20:16 ID:bdG2cHp+

Would he be a jerk if she had gained that much weight after starting the relationship?

16 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-08-11 20:56 ID:8PDoW1WU

you could bring up eating healthy and exercizing as a self esteem issue instead of a physical attraction issue I've succesfully brought it up with the girl I'm dating this way although I never had a problem with her in the first place. If she brings up something like how she feels she can't interact with people or doesn't have a lot of confidence you can tell her that eating healthy and exercizing can help her gain confidence not only by making her feel better about how she looks but also by keeping chemicals and stuff stable. It might be too late for that though.....

17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-08-12 07:39 ID:8gAUON/5

Don't be a dork, being that overweight is as bad as being anorexic, would you really want to be with someone that respects themselves so little they eat themselves or starve themselves into sickness and don't attempt to rectify the problem?

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-08-12 11:03 ID:l/O6pKpJ

Of course the circumstances would be different with that hypothetical.


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19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-08-13 02:51 ID:bP+LoFYA

End it but don't mention her weight, it might ruin her self image for future relationships.

20 Name: Keitaro : 2009-08-18 23:56 ID:e6fO2MPD

If you really care about her you should do the rightr thing,,if you dont have any feeling for her whatsover then it's just right that you end the relationship since in the long run your just going to hurt her and probably yourself..