Some of you may remember me as the guy a few months back pursuing a lonely looking girl in the school library, I gave her a Valentine's day card, etc, then just realize I didn't like her...
I've got a new love pursuit now! I posted this on 4chans new advice board but I found the kind of responses I got here before were much more considerate and helpful. Anyways, here's what's already happened that I posted on the /adv/ board:
A few days later:
"Alright, given the two minutes our teacher gave us to exchange contact info with our partners I think it went well. I found out that the cheerleading presentation was also scheduled to present way into December so I said "Yeah, cheerleading really isn't my thing in case you were wondering." and she laughed and smiled and shit. But after she gave me her phone number and I gave her mine she just kind of went back to her seat.
Also from the thread on /adv/, one post stood out that a few people quoted:
"say you picked it cause she was in it and you wanna get to know her, shes eiher inerested or not dood"
>>Just go up and admit I picked the project because I was interested in her?
That could go one of two ways: It could flatter her, or it could weird her out. If she was just a small interest you had or something, I would suggest doing it. However, you seem very unwilling to ruin a chance with this girl, so I would avoid most risks, if at all possible.
Yeah, never trust 4chan responses. I'd agree with >>4; act cool and collected, start with some small talk and let it evolve into something deeper. You can ask her about soccer and maybe challenge her to a match after a bit of conversing; it'd be a good way to get closer without the need for verbal communication, even if you're not all that good at soccer yourself. If you can, try and make her laugh with small offhand jokes or sarcastic remarks - try to steer away from having it sound like an insult, though. If you start to run out of topics at hand, turn to your work and while doing it think about what you could say that'll spark something up again; maybe something she had said before.
Don't tell her you joined the project because of her, that would amount to a confession. She will feel pressured and you might end up repulsing her. The flattery will only last a second, the embarrassment much longer.
What you want is to use the time you spend with her to get to know as much of her as possible. What are her interests, likes and dislikes, etc. With that information, you should develop activities with her. She likes movies, borrow her this or that dvd, or later go watch a movie. Same for music (CDs plus concerts), etc. Don't fake interests, she will hate you for that, but use interests that you could share. Your aim would be to spend good times with her, which is the basis for a relationship.
Thanks guys, just like I expected much better quality posts from you guys than on 4chan. Like I mentioned I won't be starting to work on the project until October but I'll report back to you then.
Good luck, OP.
alot of people seem to think there is an element of 'tricking' her involved that necessitates dancing around the issue.
I find more girls that are worth knowing, and are able to go to the next step after physical attractiveness, tend to have more interest and respect for guys who can demonstrate proficiency and confidence.
I'd show her you are going to take this project seriously. YOu don't need to railroad her and be all gung-ho, but don't blow this off as an opportunity to show off your ability to be a man and do something. Guys are defined alot by guy peers and smart girls by their actions and decisiveness. If she gets an 'A' because of you...
Okay, OP here again. I don't really think I made this clear when I said I was a virgin, but I should say I've NEVER been in a relationship before (more than 1 day). I'm probably going to use 75% of time we meet just to socialize with her, so assuming things hit off well, how do I take it to a physical level (what kind of ways should I get touchy with her and stuff) and how do I know when to take it to the physical level. I don't mean kissing, just like tapping her knee or something like that (I have no idea if knee tapping is an appropriate gesture of affection to the opposite gender, just saying).
Physical contact is a big taboo if you are not an acquittance of her. Also, a boy-girl relationship has some physical zones that you may avoid: Legs and Chest. If you ever try to go there, you must be sure that she is very, very, VERY comfortable with you, or you'll get a slap... Try with the arms zone. Hands are okay, and touching her hands smoothly is romantic, but socially acceptable. Like "Hey, I hadn't realized that you had such cute nails" smooth touch
OP here again, talked to her for the first time for more than 2 minutes. Went and told her we should start the project Monday, then I walked to her next class with her and just talked about random shit. Feeling really confident because she was smiling the whole time and laughing at a lot of the stuff I was saying, hell I wasn't even trying to be funny so maybe she likes me already.
I should also add one of my greatest fears is the dreaded "friendzone." What sort of things should I do to show romantic interest and not end up like this?
BALLS. OP here (my ID changes when I'm posting on campus or at home). Anyways, I worked on the project with her...and that was about it. I didn't really talk about anything, just kind of did the project the way I always do when I meet with someone to work on a project...fuck! She said we could meet again in a month or two to put finishes touches on it since we aren't presenting in a few months (it's actually a relatively easy project, ours is just due the latest).
I wish the best for you OP, but I can't help but think that you tend to overestimate yourself. I've read your other thread where you tried to pick up "library girl", and I have to say, you're quite the egoist.
Being friendly in this intercourse should be the best way to approach, since you are just "project mates". Act cool and friendly, and keep her confortable. A good sign of this, as you allready have noticed, is that she smiles at you.
Thanks, and yes I'm aware I'm quite the narcissist, but I realize chicks don't care about guys who only talk about themselves and whatnot so I keep the ego flexing to a minimum . Also, last class there was an open seat right next to her and I didn't take it! Goddamn me! Hopefully it won't be weird that I didn't sit next to her last class when I do tomorrow...
Alright...well, I seem to be having deja vu of sorts. I had plans to ask her out to go hiking at this really cool place, but just like with the shy library girl, I began to lose interest in her. She really is just a soccer girl, I don't think this kind of relationship would work at all.
No offence but it seems like you are just running away from something that you don't feel comfortable with i.e. dating and relationships. Asking her to go hiking would be a little much though it's too exclusive and scary sounding from an objective perspective I mean unless its like a a park or something where a lot of people go asking her to go off to a sucluded place together when you barely know each other sounds creepy. But this isn't really what I wanted to say. The thing is how do you know she is just a soccer girl maybe she already likes the things you do or over time maybe she could like them. Similar interests are good and all but I mean finding someone who has different but complimentary interests is good too you know like the whole opposites attract thing. You can learn a lot from them and they can learn a lot from you. Not only does it provide a bunch of things to talk about it also can bring you closer together by sharing and experiencing fun new things. But everyone views relationships differently and this is just my opinion so good luck with whatever you end up going for. keep an open and optomistic mind
WELL anyways it seems my prayers have been answered in the form of girl #3. Went out to buy a video game yesterday at this local game store and this chick from one of my classes, who I did not expect to like video games at all, was working there!
Gamer Girl is too weird...and definitely not cute like the soccer girl. Well, to be honest the main reason I've moved back to Soccer Girl is that she was wearing makeup today...think I mentioned before she's cute even though she wears no makeup, but man with makeup SHE WAS THE FUCKING GODDESS OF CUTENESS. She's far cuter and I like her personality much better than Gamer Girl...blah blah blah, anyways...
Jesus Christ, you take every girl you see at face value and chase their tail in a moment's breadth. Before switching girls because of petty details such as makeup or games, try and get to know them a bit better first - at least attempt to get attached to one of them, or you'll just keep switching. It's not fair to yourself nor these girls to change interests so quickly. What if one of them likes you and has noticed your interest in them, only to find your going after another already just because you noticed your previous choice looked a bit cuter that one day?
Well, I have gotten to know Gamer Girl a lot more from talking to her in class, and I have to say personality-wise I don't really think I like her as much. Besides having an interest in video games she's really...a generic sort of girl, no other way to describe her. She also listens to hardcore, ugh, I don't think I could ever date a girl with a taste in music like that.
Why bother? this guy is obviously as superficial as they come.
It would be good if he'd stop posting thread after thread with the same bullshit though.
> you're only the person who transpires through your posts.
That's not true; What about weed guy?
You know, the guy that believes marijuana is the solution to every problem. You can see that guy coming from a mile away. Don't ever argue with weed guy about the endless benefits and zero drawbacks of pot, he'll come at with with religious fervor in defense of the chronic.
Yeah, and? That was my point. You only see of him the part that will post about marijuana. That doesn't mean you know him and that he is a living sack of pot with nothing else in his life - but for the BBS's purpose, you'll see him as "the weed guy".
everyone judges to say that you don't is very arrogant and hypocritical in a certian sense I mean you did call gamer girl generic which is judgemental you can never know a person enough to put them into something so ridiculous like catagories and states of being. I'm not condeming you for switching girls but you should choose your words carefully it seems like since you aren't planning on dating the gamer girl you aren't going to talk to her anymore...? that seems kindof silly you could still be friends you know. Being shy about something you create like sketches is natural and not a reason to condemn anyone. there is also the idea that sometimes people just don't want to be bothered which is also what could have happened.
>I have zero experience dating women
Tell her this then try to hold her hand with your nervous twitchy sweaty hands. Works 100% of the time.
Thanks, and I'm still planning on being friends and even hanging out with Gamer Girl, I never said I was gonna stop talking to her. She's the only friend I've made in college so far who's into games. Also, of course we're all judgmental in real life but you have even less information to judge people on over the internet so I was just criticizing him for ACTING LIKE HE KNOW ME
>you have even less information to judge people on over the internet so I was just criticizing him for ACTING LIKE HE KNOW ME
If you don't like it then don't ask the internet dimwit. You are asking people to give you advice based on limited information, you can't pick and choose what kinds of uneducated judgment you want others to give you. You just want advice that agrees with your bloated ego.
>You're the type who makes too many judgments without thinking.
GET OUT OF MY THREAD MAN THIS ISN'T ABOUT MY EGO ISSUES!
It is good usage to try and show how you are/act when asking relationship advice, because it is one of the things that are taken into account for said advice. I was trying to help (okay, and taking a few gratuitous shots at your ego in the move, I'll admit it). I hope you realize that you don't give much room for advice, though. "I think I'm gonna do this", well, just do it man.