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How does one attract someone without coming off as gross and persistent? (23)


1 Name: SomeoneStuck : 2009-10-17 17:43 ID:uwkO9VOm

Okay, here's the gist of it... I was always attracted to a guy in one of my social circles, but as he had a long-D girlfriend, I kept my attraction to a bare minimum but stayed quite friendly with him. Having absolutely no relationship experience on my end, I found it easy to be casual and friendly - something I'm usually not when I know the person's not taken.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-17 22:08 ID:Heaven

Don't insist on the text. Wait for his answer. You'll see by then, don't overstress it.

These would be the reasonable things to do, but I'm not sure you'll be able to follow the advice. Oh well.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-17 22:58 ID:gJDTQcQH

I agree, give it some time. Just do things to occupy your mind until some has passed, only then would I suggest further contact.

4 Name: SomeoneStuck : 2009-10-18 02:22 ID:nEsrX7QL

>>2
Thanks! I know I'm overstressing such a small thing...

>>3
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5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-18 10:14 ID:gJDTQcQH

>>4
Yes, but only after a considerable amount of time has passed, like 3 or 4 weeks. Maybe he just got hit with a big project, who knows. He approached you and you expressed interest in going out to eat, so it's up to him now, I would think. I am just one guy though and we are not as simplistic as women would like to believe we are. Although, I do feel if he approached you and you expressed interest, he should let you know if he has to postpone something like this. But it's just an honest mistake. Hope it works out.

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-18 11:33 ID:FNVuy/Jy

Well, definitely stop contacting him for the time being. Start a policy of only replying to anything that comes your way, because it does sound a bit full-on.

It could well be that he is really busy, which is reason enough itself to let him contact you when he is free to.

7 Name: SomeoneStuck : 2009-10-18 13:23 ID:LiflOkj4

>>5
I didn't really think about that, whether he had a huge project going on or not... I have heard that guys appreciate it when a girl says they understand how busy they are (especially when it's true I suppose?). Thanks for providing me with a better reason for his sudden MIA-ness.

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8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-18 13:34 ID:kqr7Yp0m

>>7

>I have heard that guys appreciate it when a girl says they understand how busy they are (especially when it's true I suppose?)
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9 Name: SomeoneStuck : 2009-10-19 15:50 ID:sZdrtqty

>>8
Thanks for your comments and advice! :D Your positive note was actually very uplifting. Thanks for that muchas. :)

I'm keeping quiet and not doing anything for the moment. Just a few things I thought I'd like to ask opinions on...

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10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-21 04:28 ID:mMkoCM/J

>>9

>Someone else suggested I ignored him when I actually see him in person
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11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-21 07:36 ID:gJDTQcQH

>>7
No, I don't think you were contacting him too much. You were at risk of doing that, but you hadn't crossed that line yet.

>>9
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12 Name: SomeoneStuck : 2009-10-22 02:12 ID:ag/YlmT2

I can definitely see why ignoring him would be a bad idea now, actually. I guess I was just wondering if it actually worked, but it seems kind of stupid now in retrospect... I wonder why hurting someone seems to be the best way to get their attention for some of us?

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13 Name: SomeoneStuck : 2009-10-22 03:12 ID:ag/YlmT2

Okay, OP here just to quickly tell you guys, I might have done the insane. I told him I couldn't make it today or tomorrow and said I'd let him know maybe later about next week.

It's true that I can't make it tomorrow, but it's not true that I couldn't make it today. It's just that... I felt scared of over-exposing my own eagerness. Of making myself too available, I guess?

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14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-22 03:49 ID:gJDTQcQH

>I felt scared of over-exposing my own eagerness. Of making myself too available, I guess?

I'm not sure what you mean by this. I think you may just be overthinking things. He's already seen you many times, so I don't think it's going to bother him if you're not looking your best. How is being available being too eager? And how would he know if you made yourself available or not? I think you should plan a makeup for this as soon as you can. Good luck!

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-22 18:07 ID:mMkoCM/J

DEFINITELY A GOOD SIGN. I'm sorry that the 'Bus Plan' didn't work out, but I suppose he still missed you enough to email you.

I don't think it mattered if you said yes to today or not, but I guess it gives you more time to think about it or the such. Good luck!

16 Name: SomeoneStuck : 2009-10-23 08:01 ID:ag/YlmT2

>>14
Well... alright, I'm just under the impression that guys like the 'thrill of the chase'. I actually feel like part of the reason he won't bother replying to me properly is because I'm just too easy to reach. He knows I'm interested by now, I'm sure, and he knows that everything can be under his terms if he gives me enough encouragement... and that's boring. Isn't it?

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17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-23 17:55 ID:gJDTQcQH

>>16
It's only natural to be concerned with your appearance, especially with someone you like. We all want to put our best foot forward and leave nothing to chance.

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18 Name: SomeoneStuck : 2009-10-26 07:41 ID:As3Oqioe

OP here with a minor update. He turned up to the social gathering yesterday. When we were clearing the tables away, he was having trouble folding one, so I went over to help him. I teased him, and he laughed about it, and that was the only exchange we had all day. The rest of it (the gathering itself, the after tea session) we sat apart and talked in different conversations. Going home, we went separate ways, so that was a no-go as well.

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19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-27 00:00 ID:gJDTQcQH

>>18
You're right, you just have to keep on trying. Perseverance will pay off, won't it? I'm in a similar situation where it's difficult to spend time with the person I'm pursuing, so I have an idea what you're going through. Just don't give up. If you really want this guy, you won't. I hope you will be rewarded for your efforts.

20 Name: SomeoneStuck : 2009-10-28 02:19 ID:ag/YlmT2

>>19
Thanks, man. :) Good luck to you with regards to who you're pursuing, too!

I wasn't able to update sooner, but basically I sent the guy an email yesterday morning to casually ask if he was good for lunch. He replied within the hour that he was... and that he'd like to bring a mutual friend of ours (a guy).

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21 Name: SomeoneStuck : 2009-11-01 10:56 ID:kGsoAkBJ

OP here. As disheartening as this is, I thought I should update this thread.

So, today's social gathering. One of the girls there has grown extremely fond of him. She's two years older than him, so I thought it was more of a sisterly thing before, but now... Lots of unnecessary touching, joking around, always sitting next to each other... it was blatant today. Someone even speculated they might be dating behind the scenes.

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22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-11-01 16:03 ID:zQLHsaaq

Tell him you're jealous (half serious half joking), check how he reacts, and take your decision accordingly.

23 Name: SomeoneStuck : 2009-11-23 09:47 ID:ag/YlmT2

After I last updated, I realised that I was just too tired to keep trying with a guy who was clearly uninterested in me. The last thing I wanted to do was make it obvious to him, so I'm sorry to say I did not take the last poster's advice.

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