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How does one attract someone without coming off as gross and persistent? (23)


1 Name: SomeoneStuck : 2009-10-17 17:43 ID:uwkO9VOm

Okay, here's the gist of it... I was always attracted to a guy in one of my social circles, but as he had a long-D girlfriend, I kept my attraction to a bare minimum but stayed quite friendly with him. Having absolutely no relationship experience on my end, I found it easy to be casual and friendly - something I'm usually not when I know the person's not taken.

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14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-22 03:49 ID:gJDTQcQH

>I felt scared of over-exposing my own eagerness. Of making myself too available, I guess?

I'm not sure what you mean by this. I think you may just be overthinking things. He's already seen you many times, so I don't think it's going to bother him if you're not looking your best. How is being available being too eager? And how would he know if you made yourself available or not? I think you should plan a makeup for this as soon as you can. Good luck!

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-22 18:07 ID:mMkoCM/J

DEFINITELY A GOOD SIGN. I'm sorry that the 'Bus Plan' didn't work out, but I suppose he still missed you enough to email you.

I don't think it mattered if you said yes to today or not, but I guess it gives you more time to think about it or the such. Good luck!

16 Name: SomeoneStuck : 2009-10-23 08:01 ID:ag/YlmT2

>>14
Well... alright, I'm just under the impression that guys like the 'thrill of the chase'. I actually feel like part of the reason he won't bother replying to me properly is because I'm just too easy to reach. He knows I'm interested by now, I'm sure, and he knows that everything can be under his terms if he gives me enough encouragement... and that's boring. Isn't it?

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17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-23 17:55 ID:gJDTQcQH

>>16
It's only natural to be concerned with your appearance, especially with someone you like. We all want to put our best foot forward and leave nothing to chance.

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18 Name: SomeoneStuck : 2009-10-26 07:41 ID:As3Oqioe

OP here with a minor update. He turned up to the social gathering yesterday. When we were clearing the tables away, he was having trouble folding one, so I went over to help him. I teased him, and he laughed about it, and that was the only exchange we had all day. The rest of it (the gathering itself, the after tea session) we sat apart and talked in different conversations. Going home, we went separate ways, so that was a no-go as well.

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19 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-10-27 00:00 ID:gJDTQcQH

>>18
You're right, you just have to keep on trying. Perseverance will pay off, won't it? I'm in a similar situation where it's difficult to spend time with the person I'm pursuing, so I have an idea what you're going through. Just don't give up. If you really want this guy, you won't. I hope you will be rewarded for your efforts.

20 Name: SomeoneStuck : 2009-10-28 02:19 ID:ag/YlmT2

>>19
Thanks, man. :) Good luck to you with regards to who you're pursuing, too!

I wasn't able to update sooner, but basically I sent the guy an email yesterday morning to casually ask if he was good for lunch. He replied within the hour that he was... and that he'd like to bring a mutual friend of ours (a guy).

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21 Name: SomeoneStuck : 2009-11-01 10:56 ID:kGsoAkBJ

OP here. As disheartening as this is, I thought I should update this thread.

So, today's social gathering. One of the girls there has grown extremely fond of him. She's two years older than him, so I thought it was more of a sisterly thing before, but now... Lots of unnecessary touching, joking around, always sitting next to each other... it was blatant today. Someone even speculated they might be dating behind the scenes.

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22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2009-11-01 16:03 ID:zQLHsaaq

Tell him you're jealous (half serious half joking), check how he reacts, and take your decision accordingly.

23 Name: SomeoneStuck : 2009-11-23 09:47 ID:ag/YlmT2

After I last updated, I realised that I was just too tired to keep trying with a guy who was clearly uninterested in me. The last thing I wanted to do was make it obvious to him, so I'm sorry to say I did not take the last poster's advice.

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