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Dealing with break ups. (9)

1 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-31 00:35 ID:l2AiiWHv

It's my first time posting here so I'm a bit shy. But I'm also in a vulnerable state right now.

My boyfriend ended our relationship recently. I'm an adult, and this was the first person I really loved and did my best for. Before we were together, we knew a big risk we would be taking, because our physical distance would make things harder. Because we were hopelessly in love, we agreed to take the challenge and be strong until we can at least afford to travel and make other serious plans from there.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-01-31 22:45 ID:1w/MdhQ+

It will be tough for the next two weeks for me too OP.

I have a girl friend, we are not in relationship, but we had been doing some stuffs a normal romantic couple often do this whole January. We dine, taking pictures, visiting places and talking our heart out. We sleep together more than two times.

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3 Name: Mr Write : 2010-02-01 06:23 ID:uP+mYY6M

Wow, we are in the practically the exact same situation. I'm serious, I know exactly what you're going through.
I'd really like to talk to you personally. If you want someone who understands to speak with, I'll listen.
Drop me a line and perhaps we could discuss these things on msn.

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4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-01 06:31 ID:Ir4fQiu0

I think its important to realize that you can't just magically get over a break up and the sorrow and thinking about it a lot is a normal thing that everyone goes through. talking about it and hanging out with people is definitly a good way to move on though from my experience.

5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-02 00:58 ID:1w/MdhQ+

>>4 I want do feel happy for the memories we made; but do I sound egoistic if I asked for our term could be longer?

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-02 04:36 ID:Ir4fQiu0

No you don't sound egoistic at all no one would want it to end. For someone to say that they don't want happiness to last would go against why people live. The thing is happiness doesn't always last and feelings, people, everything has an end. The same way that you wouldn't obsess over bringing a person back to life after they die is the same mindset that you should have when you break up. It's over and to disrespect the intentions and feelings of the other person would do more harm than good to yourself and the other person. So take those happy memories and the things you learned and strive forward to some new goal. So that you can be happy. I am by no means an expert on these things. Everyone deals with seperation in thier own way so there is no right answer when getting over things like this and even if I tried to convey how I personally got over break ups and losing people the method wouldn't be conveyed properly. It's up to you.

7 Name: Mr Write : 2010-02-02 06:48 ID:+UC4E/1v

Me again. Just thought I'd give a bit of advice in case you're not too keen on the msn thing.

An important part of breaking up is fully realizing that it's finished. Ask yourself, "Is this relationship really over?" If the answer is yes, and it probably is, then it's time to start letting go, however difficult that may be. Whatever you do, don't keep pondering what-ifs, might-have-beens and the such, or spending hours being miserable over your loss. That will do nothing but prolong your misery. But don't lose faith in love! There are some incredibly caring people out there. They're just rare to come by.

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8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-02 07:45 ID:l2AiiWHv

OP here, thank you. Just making this post has helped me a bit.
I guess a big part of moving on is figuring out what goals you have in life and what is really important to yourself. But I seem to value marriage/love almost as much as I value a solid career, family, etc. Right now I'm just afraid the pain will take much longer to heal than I think, or that I won't fully recover because it's been such a large impact. Or worse, I could have an even harder time trusting a person in that way again.

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9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-02-17 05:14 ID:1w/MdhQ+

This is >>2, just want to share my update.

So it has been 2 weeks and a few days since she left me, and as I promised I am getting better! (recently start hanging out at random downtown healthy music scene). It doesn't hurt me anymore when she doesn't reply my message on Facebook within hours or just looking her latest pictures.

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