My boyfriend and I have been long distance while we are at school. We have been together a year and a half, but have known each other 8 years. I feel like I am the one making all the efforts in our relationship. I don’t doubt that he loves me, but he is more selfish. I drive across the state about once a month or so to visit him, but he never visits me. Neither one of us has a job right now since we’re focusing on school, so he can’t afford to come visit me. But even when he had a job, there were different reasons he didn’t come, like he didn’t want to drive through snow. I drove 10 hours through a snowstorm once to be able to spend time with him.
He doesn’t like talking on the phone, so he doesn’t do it as much as I’d like. He says he will call me, but then sometimes doesn’t, or he calls me at 2am, after I’ve already gone to bed. Whenever I call him, he can’t talk because he’s hanging out with his friends.
One weekend I was stuck at school and had no homework, so I spent time with some other guy friends (nothing romantic). He got really jealous and mad, which I don’t think is fair to me. I need to have fun too. He was supposed to call me some time during the weekend but never did.
I have talked to him before about how I wish he would put more effort into spending time with me. But he says that he can’t change who he is and that maybe we should break up if I’m not happy. It’s not that I want to break up, it’s that I want to improve our relationship, because I’m generally happy with it, I just wish we saw each other more, and that I wasn’t always the one who had to make it happen. When we are actually together in person, things are really good. We enjoy each other’s company and rarely ever have problems.
My boyfriend’s parents are divorced, so he is accustomed to spending long periods of time away from people he misses. I find that often when there is a problem his emotions are too hard for him to handle. He is overcome by them and loses the ability to think rationally. He tends to find ways to avoid the situation rather than staying calm so that we can talk about a solution.
Anyways, I’m just tired of being the one making all the effort, and I don't like being alone most of the time, and I'm tired of dealing with his selfishness and emotions. But I’m not to the point where I’d want to dump him.